I need Mary Poppins

[judecorp]

hopemcg and meglett and Quinn are coming to stay with us on Friday. OMGSQUEEEE, I am so excited I could pee my pants. Yay!

But there's nothing like impending houseguests to really point out how dirty your house is, you know? Oh, I don't mean we live in filth or that our floor is lined with dirty dishes or anything gross like that, but certain things tend to get left out because they're tough to do with a baby. Things like vacuuming.

Today I put the Punk in the Moby and proceeded to vacuum the entire house. And I do mean the entire house. And oh my god it needed it. But trying to vacuum a whole house with an 18lb kid attached to you, trying to get away? Hard. Much harder than it was when she was about 1 month old, which I think was the last time I did it. But yay, done.

I also finally pulled the couch cover off so it could be washed. It was lovingly stained with months of spit up. Now that she doesn't spit up so much, it's time.

That might not seem like a lot of work but you don't really understand what a day with Punk looks like. Unless she is asleep, I cannot be doing anything else but interacting with her and holding her and touching her and going from activity to activity so she does not yell and cry. If I want to eat, she needs to sit on my lap. If I have to go to the bathroom, I take the Bumbo seat with me. If I need to do something where I can't carry her (like put laundry away) I can put her in the exersaucer IF I can get it done in 6 minutes, which is her limit. And I can hardly vacuum while she is sleeping.

Speaking of sleeping, I tried to get her to nap without the swaddle again today. After an hour, and her becoming totally hysterical, I broke out the swaddle. She is still sleeping. But I may never recover. I don't even know what to do anymore.

But when you DO manage to vacuum with an 18 lb kid on you, AND you get the couch covers washed and dried, AND you managed to entertain a baby all day, AND you spend an hour making a baby hysterical because she just can not sleep unless she is totally immobilized (no matter how much she hates it), the last thing you want to hear from your wife is, "So did you get anything else done?"

Yeah. I got to eat lunch. At 2pm. And I e-mailed the information to the accountant. And got the mail. But I still haven't had a drink today. Aah well - it cuts down on the bathroom trips for sure.

I have fantasies sometimes of having that baby you can put down on the floor for a few minutes while you eat or check e-mail. Like real fantasies. I also have nightmares of what will happen when my child, who needs constant one-on-one attention and copious amounts of parenting to sleep, needs to go to child care. Sometimes I don't know how much longer I can do this... or if maybe she whines and cries so much because someone else would be a lot better at taking care of her. Heaven knows I'm not able to take care of the house at all, and maybe a better mama would be able to keep my kid from crying all day.

I need Mary Poppins.

Comments

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Oh, it gets better!

So I am putting her to bed and decide to try this "go to sleep" CD that someone gave us for our baby shower. And of course she is not going to bed because there is music on, she must listen to it. (She is obviously my baby, I am exactly the same way.) So I wait the 50 minutes for the CD to end and then she starts to fall asleep. And I put her in the crib and she wakes up, so I pick her up to take her back to the rocker and, wait for it, she starts profusely vomiting. She is a spitter but this was not spit-up. She emptied her stomach. I guess she ate too much?

Anyway, so she pukes everywhere and we have to turn the lights on and change her and clean the floor and by then the lights are on and she is awake and laughing and it's Party Time. And I put her back to bed and get out of her room at 8:45 instead of 7:30. And it's 9:30 and I haven't eaten dinner and I'm going to have to get into bed with her in about 30 minutes... which means I have basically spent every second except an hour 15 with this kid today.

*dies*

Vacuuming is usually a weekend thing (we vacuum out the wood stove) but the guests are coming Friday morning, so it needed to get done. :)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Who would buy that crap? :)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I don't think Jen was being thoughtless at all. I do, however, think she has no idea what it is like to entertain our kid all day. ;) But I think she was just curious as to what I did for the rest of the day. I just never have much to say to those kinds of questions, because the reality sounds like less than it is.

I just wish she was a happy kid. I know that babies aren't happy all the time, but it is so difficult to make her happy. I alternate between feeling bad for her and wondering if there's something wrong that I don't know about. And I compound the issue by doing things like going to playgroups or trying to hang with other mamas, because I have never (and I have met a lot of babies) met a baby like mine. Ever. In all my life. So to go to playgroups is especially depressing and makes me self-conscious. Blarg.

I guess I just think that someone different might have the magic that will make her smile. She will be whining at me all day and then Jen will walk through the door and she just starts smiling. I want some smiles, too!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Oh, and the TTC/Parenting blogging world is a lot smaller than you think. :)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

You know, I would really like to think that she would adapt in a childcare situation. In fact, I think this all the time. I have to. It keeps me sane.

But she doesn't adapt to ANYTHING. So I think I'm fooling herself. This is the child who will take NO naps if she is not swaddled. She will be exhausted, asleep in my arms, and then flop around in the crib for two hours if she is not swaddled. Two hours! I keep waiting for her to adapt. It ain't happening.

I brought her down to the nursery room at church one week because we kinda sorta got kicked out of church. I thought she would think the toys and kids were fun. She freaked right the eff out. God help me!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

True!!

[kieron.livejournal.com]

Before anyone jumps down my throat again....

What I asked Jude about stuff getting done came out wrong I admit - but I wasn't insinuating that she doesn't get or isn't getting things done. We are having guests and I wanted to get a handle of what has been done and what needs to be done still.

And when she told me about the baby carrying/vacuuming I was suitably impressed and told her so.

[lelumama.livejournal.com]

my day has been shit too.

I am never having kids again. 3 is enough. No matter how bad I want another tiny baby, no effing way.

Mark worked late tonight. For the third night in a row. I'm in a mood.

[lelumama.livejournal.com]

oh yeah, I told Mark I needed a few hours alone this weekend. I need to get away, before I resent them all.

And this comes after my 2 weeks of being bedbound, with Mark doing everything and him hysterically sobbing to me on Day 5 about how shitty he felt that he took everything I did for granted.

I just need a break. Not one with stitches and painpills and being trapped in bed, but somewhere where it's quiet and there are adult people and I can drink wine or something.

Wee

[skatured.livejournal.com]

Man, I thought I got a lot done by paying two bills -- which didn't matter because the mail never came today (blizzard). Way to go!

[whuffle.livejournal.com]

Friend away. I suspect that in closing the gap we might find other little overlaps somewhere in there.

BTW, you'll find that I talk about a lot of eclectic stuff on my LJ; pet rabbits and animal rescue rabbits, glassblowing, DIY home renovation, theater lighting design, role playing games, highly experimental cooking, rock climbing.... I do have a couple filters. The ones highly in use right now are the Knock Knock Filter for pregnancy (due April 1st) and the Construction Zone Filter for house renovations. Feel free to let me know if you want in on either.

[whuffle.livejournal.com]

See, this sort of thing gives me even more respect for how hard you work at being a parent. I recognize that you do not have an easy or ordinary child. That makes the work you put in all the more precious. And I still don't think that someone else could do better.

As for those smiles, just wait; when she's a teenager Punk will probably think you are wonderful and butt heads all the time with Jen!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Let's go on a cruise, mama. We'll lie out on the deck and drink froo-froo drinks (when you're feeling better) and our biggest concern will be what brand of sunscreen to use.

Just say when.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Are you kidding? I am convinced that when she is a teenager, she will rebel by being totally conservative!! ;)

I think she has, umm, strong opinions. God help us all when she starts talking.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Down, girl.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Now see, I have a bill to pay but I don't know where the checkbook is!

So now my floors and couch are clean, but there are guests coming tomorrow and you can't even SEE the guest bed! Oops, bad priorities!!

[lelumama.livejournal.com]

when.

whenwhenwhenwhenwhenwhenwhenwhen.

[folkyboy.livejournal.com]

omg you were such a neat freak before this baby was born! i can't imagine how you must be now!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Honestly? Probably in a gazillion years when I find a money tree and Punk is old enough to ship to Grandma's for a week. :)

[lelumama.livejournal.com]

it'll never happen for me. ever.

someone is always sick, or has a birthday party, or has girl scouts, or has a dr. appt and since I woke up in pain again this morning on top of getting my period, I'm never going to be able to leave the house.

[juju-bug.livejournal.com]

wow - your lj gets so many comments - its cool to see what other people have to say - its good reading for a first time mom like me too! :)

little punk and rio sound like they could be siblings! totally wired and over active (squirmy)! I used to carry her in a baby bjorn - which I think she liked - but started to hurt my back! She isn't 18lbs yet (maybe 16 or 17?), but anything over 12 is heavy for me! lol.

she *finally* fell asleep for her nap - she keeps flip flopping around in her crib and freaking out because she's stuck agains the railing - and I have to go in and fix her... and this happens like, x5! gah.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I'll push you onto the cruise ship in a wheelchair if I have to, lady.

We'll leave all the kids with Jen and Mark and send them postcards and seashells.

[kieron.livejournal.com]

Last night I was making in pain noises and grimacing when a back spasm hit and our little girl stopped crying and writhing and stared for a minute before breaking out into a gurgling smile.

WTF?!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Maybe she was trying to make you feel better.

[lelumama.livejournal.com]

bwahahaha.

and this is why I love you.

That's an awesome mental image.