(to clear confusion, wandered over here from whuffle's, initially by accident, but then stayed when I read your post) Wow, its nice to see someone else talk about this stuff the same way I do. I always feel like a weirdo doing it. I never had PCOS, but the pill made some serious changes to my landscape, as it were, and some of what you said sounds familiar.
So much of gender seems to be other peoples' assumptions.