I've been reading (stalking?) your journal since you announced you were having twins on making_babies. When you lost baby b, my heart broke, but I didn't find the courage to comment. When Punk came along, I cheered, but didn't find the courage. When you made that post on Leap Day, I came so close to commenting but then I chickened out. And this comment isn't about that, so I'll move on.
I struggle with the sentiment of this post daily. I, too, had twins. Mine were born at just shy of 36 weeks - a girl and a boy. My son had one kidney and a host of other issues which landed him in the NICU after birth (although every specialist that saw him said each issue was no big deal and he would be okay). And then, he caught an infection from which he was unable to recover. After 9 days, he passed away. So, daily, I ask myself why I made a baby that had so many problems and why we went to that hospital to deliver just so he could catch an infection. And the list of all the things I wonder about and worry about and blame myself for can be nearly endless at times. So, although not the same exactly, I *know* what you are saying.
And I feel the need, now, to simply tell you that it was NOT your fault. That, even in spite of all the adversity you've faced since the moment you became mother to your babies, none of it was your fault. YOU did not cause this.
I just thought maybe you should hear it from a stranger. I'll go back to lurking now.. sorry if I seem like a crazy weirdo. I'm not. I promise!
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I struggle with the sentiment of this post daily. I, too, had twins. Mine were born at just shy of 36 weeks - a girl and a boy. My son had one kidney and a host of other issues which landed him in the NICU after birth (although every specialist that saw him said each issue was no big deal and he would be okay). And then, he caught an infection from which he was unable to recover. After 9 days, he passed away. So, daily, I ask myself why I made a baby that had so many problems and why we went to that hospital to deliver just so he could catch an infection. And the list of all the things I wonder about and worry about and blame myself for can be nearly endless at times. So, although not the same exactly, I *know* what you are saying.
And I feel the need, now, to simply tell you that it was NOT your fault. That, even in spite of all the adversity you've faced since the moment you became mother to your babies, none of it was your fault. YOU did not cause this.
I just thought maybe you should hear it from a stranger. I'll go back to lurking now.. sorry if I seem like a crazy weirdo. I'm not. I promise!