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judecorpI think that tonight I'm going to play "catch up" with my life. I was supposed to have plans with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
qaphsiel, but for various and sundry reasons, we've decided to postpone.
There's so much that I haven't done because I've been running around in other states or entertaining people from other states or spending a lot of time on the telephone. I've just been compiling a list, and let me tell you, it's a little daunting.
There is currently no food in my house because I haven't had a chance to go grocery shopping in weeks and weeks. There are a number of things I need to do around the house that require things I need at the grocery store (like cat litter, for one). There are a number of things I've wanted to do for some time, like finish watching The Celluloid Closet, like look for things to put in my office, like take an autumn walk through my neighborhood. Hopefully I'll do all of that this evening.
In the meantime, I'm finding myself internally conflicted again. My desires are always so crystal clear and concrete when there's something keeping me from them. Then the pathway opens and I deliberate, balk, deliberate, get excited, deliberate, get scared. I am perpetually five years old, always wanting what I think I can't have, and then when I get it, not being sure if I wanted it in the first place.
I would like people to challenge me on this and other issues sometimes. But which people? Not all of them, certainly. That definitely would run up against the boundaries I erect in different circles, with different people. Why do most of my very best and most trusted friends live so far away? I wonder, too, if I do that on purpose as well. Aren't our lives largely choice-driven? I miss Wiley.
I've had too much free time at work today. I've done too much thinking and I'm in a morose state of mind. I'll go back to my list of things to do and just try to cross them all off - that usually helps.
qaphsiel, but for various and sundry reasons, we've decided to postpone.There's so much that I haven't done because I've been running around in other states or entertaining people from other states or spending a lot of time on the telephone. I've just been compiling a list, and let me tell you, it's a little daunting.
There is currently no food in my house because I haven't had a chance to go grocery shopping in weeks and weeks. There are a number of things I need to do around the house that require things I need at the grocery store (like cat litter, for one). There are a number of things I've wanted to do for some time, like finish watching The Celluloid Closet, like look for things to put in my office, like take an autumn walk through my neighborhood. Hopefully I'll do all of that this evening.
In the meantime, I'm finding myself internally conflicted again. My desires are always so crystal clear and concrete when there's something keeping me from them. Then the pathway opens and I deliberate, balk, deliberate, get excited, deliberate, get scared. I am perpetually five years old, always wanting what I think I can't have, and then when I get it, not being sure if I wanted it in the first place.
I would like people to challenge me on this and other issues sometimes. But which people? Not all of them, certainly. That definitely would run up against the boundaries I erect in different circles, with different people. Why do most of my very best and most trusted friends live so far away? I wonder, too, if I do that on purpose as well. Aren't our lives largely choice-driven? I miss Wiley.
I've had too much free time at work today. I've done too much thinking and I'm in a morose state of mind. I'll go back to my list of things to do and just try to cross them all off - that usually helps.
