Oddly enough no one has ever bothered my pumpkins in this neighborhood. Not even when the hooligans used to brazenly throw rocks through car windows. In fact, I used to come home from work to find someone had put candles in them for me!

And yet, now that my parents have moved to their upscale middle class neighborhood the upscale hooligans smashed her pumpkins on her stairs. You just need to move to a worse neighborhood! Then the pumpkins will be safe.