these perceptions about who is in charge are made from the outside - but not the inside as far as I know....at least those couples who are in our generation and later. In earlier generations the butch/femme dynamic followed closely to the standard heterosexual dynamic between men and women in say...the 60's/70's. It's weird to me let alone to those after....

That being said - I know Jude defers to my choices sometimes and I defer to her choices and no one is "in charge."

And it made me super uncomfortable that that woman at Home Depot gave me a high five when I know Jude has done so much work for this baby.