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[judecorp]

Been busy. Trying to think of something to write that isn't about the baby. Let's see.

I'm still watching Big Love, and it's still good. I'm on Disc 3 now. Yay! Also, I've managed to find some time to wash dishes and do some laundry. Exciting, right? I think I'm going to be able to get a haircut this evening, provided Jen gets home from work on time. I hope so - I've been saying I'm going to get a haircut every day this week. And I'm still woefully behind on comments and e-mails. Oops.

Okay, now All Baby All the Time:

She weighs 7lb today! She's never weighed that much before and she actually looks a little bigger. She is now in the 11th percentile for size, up from the 9th. That's pretty sobering, since I'm pretty sure that puts her close to Failure to Thrive land... except that she's gaining. I'm glad she's gaining but really wish she was gaining more. The pediatrician suggested offering 3oz of formula after every nursing attempt instead of 2oz. I guess I'm really NOT making much milk at all if they want me to offer 24oz of formula a day. Sigh. I'm worried that more supplement = longer sleeping time = more time between nursing = even less milk = no more nursing. This is hard. I wish I could stop feeling like a failure but I can't. Even with the domperidone, I'm not making enough milk to even supplement my formula-fed baby. She's eating a full amount of formula. What's my purpose again?

Hey, at least there is Big Love. And the reassuring fact that I don't require much sleep on a daily basis. Which is good, because I don't really get much.

Comments

[sudrin.livejournal.com]

I'm sure with the two of you parenting her, she grows up to be Superwoman and flies around New England fighting Crime complete with a cape and everything. :) (I know you don't LIVE in New England, I just have never heard of a Super Hero fighting crime there)

[scirocco.livejournal.com]

What's my purpose again? Nursing is only one small piece of the entirety of parenthood. You've got a lot of other things to look forward to. :)

[carina-s.livejournal.com]

Agreed. I couldn't nurse because of medication. There's so much more to being a mommy, Mommy.

[cappucinogrrl.livejournal.com]

Um, your purpose is to be August's mom and to take care of her, you're not just a breast! You're too hard on yourself.

As for Big Love, I've only had time to watch the first two episodes, but eventually I'll catch up. Maybe in three years or so.

[girlonthewire.livejournal.com]

my veronica dropped from 5 lbs 13 oz to 5 lbs on breastmilk alone. that's pretty scary to me. she is 2w old and isnt back to her birthweight. i only have enouh milk for 1 baby so far. i've ordered the same med as you to see if it works.

dont beat yourself up. you're doing your best and that's all you can do. and you know, no matter what some people say, I don't believe formula is evil. For some of us, it's absolutely necessary. The only other option I had was starving my child.

I'm quite proud of you!

(most of this comment was typed with one hand while the other holds a bottle of formula to baby's mouth.)

[violane.livejournal.com]

I agree 100%. Ben wasn't up to his birth weight after two weeks either, and that was with me nursing AND supplementing. These are exactly the situations that formula is for, and I've finally started to just be grateful that it was available to me. As a matter of fact, Ben had really bad reflux and he did much better on formula than he did on my breastmilk ... held much more of it down.

[sassywoman.livejournal.com]

Yep. Same for Emma. She kept formula down better then breastmilk.

[sassywoman.livejournal.com]

The most important thing right now is that August continues to eat and gain weight ... no matter how she gets it. I know you want b/f to work and you're doing the best you can ... just keep telling yourself that you're doing the best you know how!
When Emma lost a pound in the hospital was jaundiced etc... they told me to wake to feed every 2-3 hours with 3 hours being the absolute longest.
Thought that might help. :) *hugs*

[artjax.livejournal.com]

Your purpose is to be 1/2 of the best parenting team, ever. Anyone who tells you otherwise? Fuck'em.

[ntiva.livejournal.com]

You are a wonderful mama, please don't be so hard on yourself.

As a side note, I don't think percentiles alone is what determines failure to thrive. I thought it had to with rate of gain and such. Mary is and has been in the 1st percentile since birth and the doctor isn't concerned. Some babies are just smaller than others.

[laursabeth.livejournal.com]

At least there is Big Love indeed.

[amyura.livejournal.com]

I could be wrong about this, but I'm pretty sure FTT is dropping off/not growing. As a baby I was always off-the-charts small, but since I had a steady growth curve I was considered fine.

The b00bz are about so much more than nourishment. She's bonding with you. She's developing a stronger jaw and a better-structured palate. It will help her fall asleep, comfort her, and be a good discipline (in the positive sense of the word) tool as she gets older.

I wish I could offer words of comfort on the sleep part, it does get a little better but not much, at least not by 18 months.

[lunamoonwmn01.livejournal.com]

I totally agree. Yes breast milk is great but honestly it is not my #1 favorite thing about bfing - my favorite thing is the bonding/shutthebabythefuckup factor, to be frank. Right now feeding takes so much time and it's easy to just feel like a boob, but just continuing to nurse for the other factors is well worth it IMHO. Most moms I know after 6-8 weeks are glad they kept at the nursing, even when difficult. You're doing an AWESOME job.

[kjames.livejournal.com]

jude, you have so much to offer your baby! holding her close, looking her in the eyes, talking to her... all those things are so important in bonding. doing that while giving her a bottle is JUST as good.

also? please know that simon was in the -5th perctental (yes, that's NEGATIVE fifth) for weight on and off for his first couple years of life. no big deal, he is built small. she's gaining... it's a-okay.

i totally agree with artjax. that's some fine advice right there.

sleep... the whole newborn sleep thing sucks. i know. each kid is different, and you may find you have a 4 month old who is rocking the sleep thing. or not. there's just no way to tell. simon was sleeping through the night at 4 months. greta was at 10. granted those were some long long months.. but it will get better and better, week by week.

[lunamoonwmn01.livejournal.com]

Totally agree with the lactation vacation, it can do wonders. I've seen it work great in my doula work and it's so easy to overdue it in the first month PP. Not saying this will cure you of your problems Jude, but it might help. Sorry if this assvice is unwanted just trying to be positive.

[checkingmypulse.livejournal.com]

Big Love loves you! :)

[mermil.livejournal.com]

Jude, don't make me haul my pregnant self up to MA and smack you. You are not a failure! Do you love August? Do you take care of her? Is she not gaining weight? Do you not protect her from flying birds of prey, giant closet monsters and IRS auditors? Then you are doing a fine job as a parent. She loves you!!!

[mayna.livejournal.com]

She was a peanut to start out with, and as long as she's gaining weight and pooping and peeing, it doesn't matter what percentile they're at, that's not FTT. Some kids are just smaller than others.

I would feed her at the feedings until she's full, no matter how much formula that would be. Nurse, and then when she's done nursing, top her off with whatever she needs. Whether that's 2 oz or 3 oz, just go by her cues. And then, let her comfort nurse as much as she wants too.

You're not a failure, people with masectomies who have to bottlefeed aren't failures. People who had breast reduction surgery who can't produce any or enough milk aren't failures. You're in the same boat they are, and that's not your fault.

[(Anonymous)]

You are so far from a failure that it's not even funny. I saw something so sad today - a young woman with her newborn lying down in it's stroller and she was feeding it formula from a bottle with one hand and smoking with the other hand and she wasn't even looking at the baby - no contact at all. But look at all the wonderful contact and cuddles and love you're giving your baby! You're doing so well - hang in there. I agree with the fenugreek suggestion and I also add to make sure you're eating lots of protein meals - eggs on toast for breakfast, chicken and salad for lunch etc. And lots of yummy desserts for good measure ;-) Even a little bit of breast milk will help your baby be protected from diseases and ear infections etc. There are over a million white cells in only one drop of breast milk you know!

xxx Mermaidgrrrl