Cost/benefit analysis

[judecorp]

I am having a bit of a crisis of faith with respect to breastfeeding. I guess I am just not used to failure. I'm a goal-oriented person and when I want to do something, I do it. And if it's hard, I work hard and I get it done. I can't really think of anything I really wanted to do that I couldn't pull off. Except this.

It hit me the other day that I am taking 9-12 pills a day and getting half an ounce (or so) of milk per feeding. In a perfect situation (where the domperidone is timed just right and I don't nurse for 6-8 hours and it's first thing in the morning when milk peaks) I can squeeze out 2 ounces of milk, and let me tell you, it takes a lot of work. I have to pump for a long time, all the while squeezing the crap out of my boob with my hand in all kinds of funky ways to eke out every last drop. And then I actually get 2 ounces, which is a minor miracle.

Usually, though, pumping involves all of the above things, but half an ounce of output or less. That's disheartening. Like WOAH.

So here's the thing: generous friends have given me about six boxes of domperidone, and one is en route from juliann as well. I have about four boxes left to my name. Do I buy more? Is it worth spending hundreds of dollars on bootleg medication to frustrate my little baby by continuing to put her on the boob that barely spits out milk? When she is really hungry, she gets PISSED OFF. I can't say I blame her. It's like being starving and having someone offer you one hors d'oeuvre. And making you work really really hard for it. It actually makes me sad when she's so frustrated. And then she guzzles 4oz. of formula and loves life.

It's so hard because I love nursing her and I love the time we spend, but is it worth dropping big bucks that we don't have on pills when we're already dropping big bucks on formula? (Although we haven't dropped bucks in a while, thanks to the generosity of folks sending us their free samples and Jen's parents buying us $100 worth of formula at BJs when they were here.) Do I spend $190 on 18 boxes of pills (a box lasts 11 days, so 198 days' worth) and try to stick it out? Do I use the pills I have and then see what happens when I run out? Do I continue to force the angry, hungry baby to suck out every last drop before I let her eat her real meal?

It's hard because I have a hard time separating what I'm doing that's best for her versus what I'm doing that is best for me. I wonder if I'm being selfish with all of this nursing business and whether I'm just beating a dead horse. 12 pills for a couple of half-ounce servings? I know every drop is helpful but sometimes I wonder if my money is better served buying someone else's breastmilk.

Comments

[bafleyanne.livejournal.com]

That is exactly what I was going to suggest, using the SNS or LactAid to give formula at the breast. It might stimulate you to produce more and you'd know that she's getting as much breastmilk as you have without having to stress over pumping. You have made so many sacrifices and worked so hard to breastfeed and this is totally not something that is your fault. You have to do what works for you and your family, whatever that may be.

[lunamoonwmn01.livejournal.com]

My friend had true hypoplasia so it never did stimulate her to make more milk. Domperindone only made her drip milk every once in awhile. But using the SNS (most find the Lactaid easier but for some reason she found the SNS worked better for her) allowed her to nurse and that was the most important thing to her. And Jude, she said she'd be happy to talk with you if you ever wanted to chat.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I'll let you know if I want to chat with her. :)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately I have breast hypoplasia and I'm making pretty much the max I'm going to get because the gland tissue just isn't there to make more milk. Stimulation doesn't help - I used the SNS for two weeks solid with no change in the beginning. I actually don't do much pumping unless for whatever reason she sleeps too long.