judecorp | 2007 in a nutshell

I had a crappy part-time job at UMass and I wanted to claw my eyes out every day from sheer boredom. However, I did manage to meet some cool college kids and they made it bearable. Also I met Peterson Toscano who is totally my Big Gay Crush and I wish I met him sooner because I would have begged him for his sperm. No, really.

I checked out of that job on June 29 - my temp contract ran out at the end of the fiscal year. Perfect timing, because I went into labor at 11pm on June 30 when my water broke.

Of course the biggest event of 2007 was birthing my daughter. Labor and delivery were amazing and intense events and I would not trade them for the world. I had the most amazing midwife, the most amazing doula, the most amazing labor nurse, and the most amazing partner. It was a wicked, wild ride and I can totally see why people become birth junkies. I am totally a birth junkie now and would love to be a doula.

The rest of the year was spent being a mama to a kick-ass, intense little person. She is also a high-needs baby and has had too many medical scares in her short life already: major weight loss and dehydration after birth due to lack of breastmilk; a fall from a bed with a resulting CT scan, ambulance ride, and PICU admittance; pretty severe reflux; a mystery rash that was believed to be petechia for no known reason; a lactose intolerance; weird hip/leg issues that are NOT hip dysplasia. We spent more on medical co-pays than probably anything else in 2007.

I spent more time crying in 2007 than any other year in my life. Except maybe when I was an infant. I don't remember. I also was depressed, really depressed, for the first time ever, largely resulting from my nursing issues. (Actually, I still can't think of nursing without getting sad. Two nursing mamas have been in my house this week and I realized that I can't even remember what nursing felt like, and I cried again. Augh.)

Pregnancy and mamahood has done a number on our marriage, but we are committed to coming out stronger on the other side and hope we are already on our way.

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Thank you for writing. (FYI, some people use "bio mom" and "non-bio mom" although I just never really think about it. We're just moms.)

It's true that every month is better and better. Things just get more natural, more manageable. I love that. Having a baby is a crazy, fun ride!

Don't worry about seeming annoying, I don't think you are at all! :) And besides, your kids are awesome awesome, and so are you!

I can't believe how big G&S are now. I remember when I found out I was PG with twins and I stalked the multiples board on eff eff and G&S were about 6 months old! Crazy!!

Isn't it bizarre how these little people come into our lives and change it all around and turn it upside down - make you cry at things you never imagined ever would and even things you never cried over before? Crazy babies.

Here's to 2008!

Babies ARE crazy!! It's nuts!

i talk about you & Punk all the time. i mention how great of a couple you and Jen are and how if anyone in the world deserved to have a kid, it was you. in fact, a lot of my friends are sick of me talking about your baby. haha

i just am obsessed with it because i just know how wonderful you were to all the autistic kids when you lived here so i can only imagine how amazing you must be to Punk. and eventually, she'll grow up and scream at you and be upset because you won't get her an iPod like all the cool kids in school will have like most normal teenagers do.

and i doubt she'll be sad she didn't suck your titties. i know i'm not sad and i never even saw them!

*hugs* i love you, Jude!

That's funny that you are obsessed with us and our kid! I love that you are our Big Gay Cheerleader. You should just tell people that we are related so they can understand. You can be Uncle Folky!

You know you want to suck my titties!

babies bring out the best and worst in us. just the fact.

thanks for yesterday, lovely. and know that i am here for you, too.

I appreciate it. xoxoxo

I love that you are on my flist.

Before you were a mama, did you think mamahood would be like this? I don't think anyone can truly be prepared for being a first time mama.

I had the depression too - as you well know. Mainly because I didn't get that natural birth experience. (Funny I have thought about becoming a doula - I probably won't, I'm sure I think about it because I went through birth and my support peopled were so valuable...)

We almost couldn't breastfeed - she was nipple confused, had a hard time latching, and I had supply issues. I am glad that we can. I am not telling you this because I am trying to rub salt on a wound. I am telling you this because I feel your sadness around the breastfeeding issue. If I couldn't do it, I'd be sad too. I feel for you in a very-real-I-get-it kind of way.

August picked a good mama!

There are some things that I expected out of mamahood (the exhaustion, the worry, the love) and some things that I didn't. I had expectations of how coparenting would go and I was mistaken, and it's taken a long time to work through that (still a work in progress). I hadn't expected all of the little weird medical things that can happen and how upsetting they can be because you love your little tiny person so much. But you're right, no one can be truly prepared. I think even been-there mamas can be shocked at how different a second (or third) child can be.

And don't worry, I never for a second thought you were rubbing anything in. I know you would never do that. I am thrilled that you guys worked out the nursing thing. I wouldn't begrudge that on ANYONE!

I knew that there'd be exhaustion, worry, and love but not to the extent - like I have a whole new definition of exhaustion.

But what did you expect re: co-parenting?

Would I be able to e-mail you? It could get wordy.

This was a beautiful post - thanks for sharing

Thanks for reading!

I am totally with you on the nursing thing. Our little 11 day old Harris is currently on 99.99% formula, due to the fact that my boobers are only producing a total of .33 oz of breast milk. Yeh- 1/3 ounce- between the 2 of them! It is pretty sad. Sometimes, Harris will lick at my nips and it makes me feel like crying- knowing that he will not suck. But it does make me feel good to know that he likes to snuggle close. Hugs to you.

This is just an offer and by no way am I telling you what to do:

I have a Supplemental Nursing System (SNS) that I bought when we had to start supplementing with formula. It's a bottle that you wear around your neck that you can fill with formula, and then you tape the tube to your nipple and the baby can nurse and get the stuff from the tube at the same time.

I found it very awkward and difficult to use because it was hard to get a good latch, HOWEVER, if you wanted to try it I would totally mail it to you. Because I've been there. And I love you!

xoxo

Jude, you rock. We talked about the SNS with the Lactation Consultant and decided that it was not a road we wanted to go down. I really appreciate the offer though, and I really envy you for being able to do it for as long as you did. You were a real trooper!

Okay, cool. I just wanted to throw it out there in case someone could get some use out of it. I suppose I could put it up on eBay or something...

Sometimes I don't think I was a trooper enough because I only made it to four months and one week, and only had enough medication for three months. I know that if I had bought more medication and kept at it, she would still be nursing her little tiny bit even now (maybe) and maybe I wouldn't miss it so badly. I guess I had too much heart in it from the beginning. I don't know.

I think you are doing a great job with the "vitamins"!

Kids certainly turn your relationship upside down don't they? Your life will never be the same! AHHH!

Ain't that the truth. xo

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