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It had been a terrible year.
It had been a terrible year. All sorts of unfathomable things had been unraveling around me for so long that sometimes I think I should have expected it, but how can one expect something so cold? I suppose there is intelligence for this sort of thing but I have known for a very long time that I simply do not possess it. I do not have the heart, nor the brain, for such things. I am glad for that.
It was a particularly agonizing summer. Our apartment building got struck by lightning in June. The building caught fire and a neighbor pounded on our door, "Get out! The building is on fire!" I was in the middle of writing a paper for finals and had to switch gears immediately to load cats into carriers and run outside. The apartment above us but one over was completely obliterated; ours escaped with some water damage. We were finally allowed back in and I had a little nervous breakdown about how foolish it was to leave the computer inside a burning building when I was in the middle of finals. An hour after we were let back in, a policeman told us sternly that we had to leave immediately for an undisclosed amount of time. No reason. No explanation. We thought it might have been concern of a gas main problem but the truth was that in searching the charred building for embers, bomb-making chemicals were found. In my neighbor's apartment. We were evacuated for four days, I think, during the beginning of the end of our marriage. That was June.
In July, I asked him if he was still in love with me and he said no. I called Becky and neither of us were surprised. It still sucked, though. We'd signed a lease a couple of days before the fire and had just moved into another apartment in the same complex. We agreed to ride out the lease. 11.5 more months.
In August, I had my first tonsil abcess and ended up needing him to take me to the ER. It was awful - the pain, and having to depend on him. My grandfather ended up in the hospital in August as well. We both recovered, but it was a long summer. The quarter came to an end and I decided I needed a little reward for surviving the summer. I found a cheap flight to New York and made plans to spend nearly a week with my best friend. A whole week that we'd packed with parties, dancing, theatre, the beach. Oh, and making out with Becky.
Jodie had been having a bit of a stressful time so I arranged a day of total spoilage for her, a fun little Date Day. I'd arranged for flowers to be sent to her at work, and had ordered theatre tickets for us that night. She'd wanted to see "The Music Man" because Robert Sean Leonard was playing Prof. Harold Hill. I spent way more than I could realistically afford on really good seats, so that maybe RSL would see us when we yelled, "Swing Heil, Peter!" at him. She ended up deciding at the last minute to take a personal day that day so we could hang together. The flowers could take care of themselves. We got into a stupid argument the night before, god what a waste of time in hindsight, and fell asleep exhausted in the inky hours of morning.
We got two hours of sleep.
We got a phone call about an airplane.
We got up to watch the news.
We got the shock of our lives.
We got dressed.
We got donuts.
We got e-mail saying our musical was cancelled. For an unknown duration.
We got lots of frantic messages from loved ones.
We got a visit from Chris who'd walked all the way home with ash in his hair.
We got older that day.
I can't believe it's been five years. I still remember the feeling of her leg pressed against mine as we sat on the couch fixated on the playback loop. I still remember the feeling of knowing that your best friend should ALWAYS be sitting next to you when your world is shattering. I still remember the feeling of the warm sun on my cool skin as we walked outside, the weather perfect and early fall, just like today. Because it was today, a different today that I still remember in a heartbeat.
I sent two messages today: a voicemail to Jodie to remind her that I loved her and was thinking of her, because today will always and forever be etched with our friendship and how much I need her; and a text message to Chris - "Five years ago today I plucked ash from your hair. I love you."
What I wrote in 2001.
What I wrote in 2003.
What I wrote in 2004.
It was a particularly agonizing summer. Our apartment building got struck by lightning in June. The building caught fire and a neighbor pounded on our door, "Get out! The building is on fire!" I was in the middle of writing a paper for finals and had to switch gears immediately to load cats into carriers and run outside. The apartment above us but one over was completely obliterated; ours escaped with some water damage. We were finally allowed back in and I had a little nervous breakdown about how foolish it was to leave the computer inside a burning building when I was in the middle of finals. An hour after we were let back in, a policeman told us sternly that we had to leave immediately for an undisclosed amount of time. No reason. No explanation. We thought it might have been concern of a gas main problem but the truth was that in searching the charred building for embers, bomb-making chemicals were found. In my neighbor's apartment. We were evacuated for four days, I think, during the beginning of the end of our marriage. That was June.
In July, I asked him if he was still in love with me and he said no. I called Becky and neither of us were surprised. It still sucked, though. We'd signed a lease a couple of days before the fire and had just moved into another apartment in the same complex. We agreed to ride out the lease. 11.5 more months.
In August, I had my first tonsil abcess and ended up needing him to take me to the ER. It was awful - the pain, and having to depend on him. My grandfather ended up in the hospital in August as well. We both recovered, but it was a long summer. The quarter came to an end and I decided I needed a little reward for surviving the summer. I found a cheap flight to New York and made plans to spend nearly a week with my best friend. A whole week that we'd packed with parties, dancing, theatre, the beach. Oh, and making out with Becky.
Jodie had been having a bit of a stressful time so I arranged a day of total spoilage for her, a fun little Date Day. I'd arranged for flowers to be sent to her at work, and had ordered theatre tickets for us that night. She'd wanted to see "The Music Man" because Robert Sean Leonard was playing Prof. Harold Hill. I spent way more than I could realistically afford on really good seats, so that maybe RSL would see us when we yelled, "Swing Heil, Peter!" at him. She ended up deciding at the last minute to take a personal day that day so we could hang together. The flowers could take care of themselves. We got into a stupid argument the night before, god what a waste of time in hindsight, and fell asleep exhausted in the inky hours of morning.
We got two hours of sleep.
We got a phone call about an airplane.
We got up to watch the news.
We got the shock of our lives.
We got dressed.
We got donuts.
We got e-mail saying our musical was cancelled. For an unknown duration.
We got lots of frantic messages from loved ones.
We got a visit from Chris who'd walked all the way home with ash in his hair.
We got older that day.
I can't believe it's been five years. I still remember the feeling of her leg pressed against mine as we sat on the couch fixated on the playback loop. I still remember the feeling of knowing that your best friend should ALWAYS be sitting next to you when your world is shattering. I still remember the feeling of the warm sun on my cool skin as we walked outside, the weather perfect and early fall, just like today. Because it was today, a different today that I still remember in a heartbeat.
I sent two messages today: a voicemail to Jodie to remind her that I loved her and was thinking of her, because today will always and forever be etched with our friendship and how much I need her; and a text message to Chris - "Five years ago today I plucked ash from your hair. I love you."
What I wrote in 2001.
What I wrote in 2003.
What I wrote in 2004.