SurlyJude

[judecorp]

I want to know how a person can go from saying "I love you" 27 times a day one day, to saying that he's not in love with you and "just wants to be friends" the next.

I want to know how that person can then proceed to avoid and ignore you, all in the name of being friends.

I want to know when I became transparent.

I want to know why the people on DG complain about the fact that I'm not picking up enough of the slack instead of recognizing that I'm the only person who's trying.

I want to know why I give a crap about a stupid MUSH anyway.

I want to know why I haven't emailed Boettcher about my final paper yet. And why I don't seem to care.

I want to know when I can call in sick from my life. Or when His Royal Majesty will clean up after himself.

I want to know why, now that nearly a year has passed, Mark Friedman hit me in the face. And why his wife backed him up on it.

I want to know why there isn't a single thing I can do to help the Princess, even though I'm a Knight and I'm supposed to be able to.

I want to know why I didn't know that Kieron liked me when I was young and idealistic and freshly coming out. And why I didn't tell her that I liked her.

I want to know why I don't say anything of substance in this journal even though I claim to be completely open and honest all the time. I want to know why no one challenges me on this except Mark.

I want to know why I'm so sick. And tired. And tired of being sick. And sick of being tired.

I want to sleep. But I will toss and turn and toss and turn. And then the dreams will come.