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judecorpMy hair is funny when it's all squished up in a 'do-rag. I know I need a haircut because it doesn't all fit inside without being squished up. Problem is that I'm afraid to get a haircut right now because I'm afraid the haircutter-person will comb or bump or otherwise maim my ear. The ear, by the way, seems less swollen today but is still quite swollen. I'm trying not to touch it except to clean it (and mostly succeeding). I can feel it pulsing, but I'm hoping that's my body healing itself. Yeah. It's been so long since I've had a really intense cartilage piercing (I got the conch in 1996, I think) that I don't remember if this sort of swelling is close to normal. Aah well. It's getting better. I will just keep telling myself that.
Here comes little naked me...
It's a week for pain, it would seem. Last night I had a conversation with Christina that I was dreading. There was all kinds of awkwardness and uncomfort in my interactions with her that, for the most part, stem back to a conversation that occurred less than a week after Thanksgiving. I tried to ignore the awkwardness, hoping that it would go away and I could continue with Business As UsualTM. It didn't. It was beginning to fester to the point where I would avoid conversations or succumb to idle chit chat (which I /hate/).
So I had to do a very difficult thing. I had to talk about reverting back to being friends, to getting to know each other and just having fun without the added pressure of crushes and emotions and 'trying to make things work' and figuring out how one stands with the other one. It's hard, though, because she's a great girl, a /really/ great girl.
Yesterday afternoon, Coworker Hope was teasing me that I was stringing people along - that I wouldn't let someone go, I would just, in essence, collect adoring fans. She was totally kidding, and on some basal level I knew this. However, I was too wrapped up in the guilt I superimpose on anything emotion-related in my life to do anything but get upset by it. Even the idea that I could be teased about stringing someone along let me know that it could at least be perceived that I /was/, and to me, that's thoroughly unacceptable. That conversation gave me the kick in the pants to talk to Christina last night.
Did I want to stop crushing on her? No. It was fun, and giddy, and made me feel good about myself. Do I want to risk the possibility that I could be stringing her along? Absolutely not. Regardless of /my/ guilt, she's too good a person to be strung along. Daniel LaRusso doesn't deserve that.
And to switch topics completely, I've found that my time and affections have been commandered by someone who is more than a little insidious and subtle. Just sneaked in. There I was, happily reinstating a long-lost friendship, and *wham*. My goodness. I've hesitated typing this in here out of fear that I will look like the most grrl-crazy grrl in the universe. I'm not usually like this, I swear. It's all cosmically crazy timing. Gah.
It's a week for pain, it would seem. Last night I had a conversation with Christina that I was dreading. There was all kinds of awkwardness and uncomfort in my interactions with her that, for the most part, stem back to a conversation that occurred less than a week after Thanksgiving. I tried to ignore the awkwardness, hoping that it would go away and I could continue with Business As UsualTM. It didn't. It was beginning to fester to the point where I would avoid conversations or succumb to idle chit chat (which I /hate/).
So I had to do a very difficult thing. I had to talk about reverting back to being friends, to getting to know each other and just having fun without the added pressure of crushes and emotions and 'trying to make things work' and figuring out how one stands with the other one. It's hard, though, because she's a great girl, a /really/ great girl.
Yesterday afternoon, Coworker Hope was teasing me that I was stringing people along - that I wouldn't let someone go, I would just, in essence, collect adoring fans. She was totally kidding, and on some basal level I knew this. However, I was too wrapped up in the guilt I superimpose on anything emotion-related in my life to do anything but get upset by it. Even the idea that I could be teased about stringing someone along let me know that it could at least be perceived that I /was/, and to me, that's thoroughly unacceptable. That conversation gave me the kick in the pants to talk to Christina last night.
Did I want to stop crushing on her? No. It was fun, and giddy, and made me feel good about myself. Do I want to risk the possibility that I could be stringing her along? Absolutely not. Regardless of /my/ guilt, she's too good a person to be strung along. Daniel LaRusso doesn't deserve that.
And to switch topics completely, I've found that my time and affections have been commandered by someone who is more than a little insidious and subtle. Just sneaked in. There I was, happily reinstating a long-lost friendship, and *wham*. My goodness. I've hesitated typing this in here out of fear that I will look like the most grrl-crazy grrl in the universe. I'm not usually like this, I swear. It's all cosmically crazy timing. Gah.
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Date: 2001-12-14 01:52 am (UTC)b) You are girl crazy, but in the kindergarten "I have 13 boyfriends!" kinda way. IE you notice and are attracted to a lot of girls but you're not like, going after them. :)
c) It's me isn't it!
no subject
Date: 2001-12-14 07:19 am (UTC)Shhh! Don't tell anyone. It'll be our sekrit.