To be able to look back, and really get the motivations, to understand what happened even if what happened wasn't pleasant.
Looking back, my ex and I were kinda in the same boat. I played along that I'd be the dutiful wife, and that I'd always do what was expected from me.
My situation was different from yours, though, in that I broke that promise. Not for myself, mind you. I watched for 8 months as the men in /that/ house insulted and imprisioned the mother into being nothing more than a ghost of a woman, bound to their whims. I began to even travel down the same road, thinking that giving of myself over to things that others wanted was a pure form of love. A sacrifice for the other person.
I would have done as you did, married because of a promise. Married for the ideal of love, not the actuality of it, but the thought of it.
What stopped me? *grins* A beautiful baby girl. She's powerful. She gave me the reason not to roll over and play dead. Because I refused to have her brought up in any situation where she'd be thought of as less than perfect and beautiful and powerful and ....Did I say perfect? My daughter is ... such an elemental person. She burns fiercely. She feels passionately. She creates freely. And I'd not change a thing, I suppose. I learn from her daily. Any of the pain I may have felt was worth the gift of having her in my life. She gave me the courage to demand the best for myself, because it would be the best for her. I love her dearly. She's awesome! And she was definately worth breaking a ill-given promise. She was worth being true to myself. She's an inspiration. You'll have to meet her someday. *grins, and hugs*
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...I'm amazed by you...
Date: 2002-01-18 03:36 am (UTC)To be able to look back, and really get the motivations, to understand what happened even if what happened wasn't pleasant.
Looking back, my ex and I were kinda in the same boat. I played along that I'd be the dutiful wife, and that I'd always do what was expected from me.
My situation was different from yours, though, in that I broke that promise. Not for myself, mind you. I watched for 8 months as the men in /that/ house insulted and imprisioned the mother into being nothing more than a ghost of a woman, bound to their whims. I began to even travel down the same road, thinking that giving of myself over to things that others wanted was a pure form of love. A sacrifice for the other person.
I would have done as you did, married because of a promise. Married for the ideal of love, not the actuality of it, but the thought of it.
What stopped me?
*grins*
A beautiful baby girl. She's powerful. She gave me the reason not to roll over and play dead. Because I refused to have her brought up in any situation where she'd be thought of as less than perfect and beautiful and powerful and ....Did I say perfect?
My daughter is ... such an elemental person. She burns fiercely. She feels passionately. She creates freely.
And I'd not change a thing, I suppose. I learn from her daily. Any of the pain I may have felt was worth the gift of having her in my life.
She gave me the courage to demand the best for myself, because it would be the best for her.
I love her dearly. She's awesome!
And she was definately worth breaking a ill-given promise. She was worth being true to myself.
She's an inspiration.
You'll have to meet her someday.
*grins, and hugs*