Hey, Hey, Hey I'm Guilty!
Mar. 19th, 2002 12:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
judecorpDo I feel guilty because I'm happy or do I feel guilty because I broke a promise? Either way, I think pattisimmons is right - I don't think I'll feel like this so often when we're not living in the same house. It's the daily reminder that things didn't work out that gets to me... or the reminder when I'm in my house being happy and nauseating that I have this other life that I try to forget about.
I didn't realize I was still even thinking about these things until I was talking to Chaz. My goodness, sometimes it's like we could be stand-ins in each other's life story. There are so many similarities. It's not all that often when you say, "I know how you feel" that you really do. My heart goes out to her, though. It's funny, I sit here thinking, "Maybe my sitution would be better/easier/whatever if it was more like Chaz's" and she's thinking, "I wish it was like Jude's." Funny, but not, if you know what I mean.
Either way, am I going to feel these ridiculous guilty feelings forever? I mean, seriously, I know I'm already prone to guilt (13 years of Catholic school will do that to you) - guilt about the environment, guilt about the injustices of the world, guilt about happiness, guilt about family - feh! I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and I suppose I need to learn to stop doing it.
I tried. I did. For real. Just because I'm happy right now doesn't mean I didn't try to be happy then. I guess I just need to keep reminding myself that.
I didn't realize I was still even thinking about these things until I was talking to Chaz. My goodness, sometimes it's like we could be stand-ins in each other's life story. There are so many similarities. It's not all that often when you say, "I know how you feel" that you really do. My heart goes out to her, though. It's funny, I sit here thinking, "Maybe my sitution would be better/easier/whatever if it was more like Chaz's" and she's thinking, "I wish it was like Jude's." Funny, but not, if you know what I mean.
Either way, am I going to feel these ridiculous guilty feelings forever? I mean, seriously, I know I'm already prone to guilt (13 years of Catholic school will do that to you) - guilt about the environment, guilt about the injustices of the world, guilt about happiness, guilt about family - feh! I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and I suppose I need to learn to stop doing it.
I tried. I did. For real. Just because I'm happy right now doesn't mean I didn't try to be happy then. I guess I just need to keep reminding myself that.
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no subject
Date: 2002-03-20 06:46 am (UTC)We are too deep for words. Hey, and if I get to stand-in, does that mean I get to kiss the girl?? :) With how googly eyed you are, she must be really good at it! :)
*hugs* thanks for the call, babe.
And you are right. I know /exactly/ how you feel.
Love ya!
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Date: 2002-03-20 03:17 pm (UTC)I will call again soon. I flat-out refuse to let you feel this way alone. :) LOVE!