She's listening through the air shaft
Apr. 2nd, 2002 03:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
judecorpnow on the bedroom wall
and when we leave the landlord will come
and paint over it all
I wonder why, in the past few weeks, several people have been putting subtle (or not-so-subtle) pressure on me to consider moving in with Jennifer when we're both in Boston. Another has put pressure on her. And while I'm usually unsurprised by most things, this completely baffles me.
Why would someone think that this is a good idea? Sure, we're friends and more-than-friends and we get along and like a lot of the same things. Sure, it would save money. Sure, we would get to spend a lot of time together.
But still. I mean, I think about these people (one of whom was /really/ pressuring last weekend) and the attitude I kind of get from them is "What do you mean you don't want to? Aren't you serious about this girl?" Does wanting to give things time mean I don't want to, aren't serious?
I mean, let's be rational here. (And while I know that I think with my head too often, I think something of this magnitude requires at least some semblance of rationality.) When I move to Boston in July, it will be the first time since December of 1997 that I don't live with a significant other. It will be the first time since December of 1997 that I will have a sort of safe haven from non-stop intimacy. It will be the first time that I stake my own little claim in the universe. I'm excited about it.
I like what she and I have. I like it a lot and I'd really like to perpetuate it, to see where it's going, to see what we can cultivate. I'd like to see how our movie will play out when we're both in the same city, able to date like people in the same city can. To go from long-distance to intimate personal space? Culture shock.
I'd like to be able to call her from work and say, "Want to grab dinner?" I'd like to be able to call her on a lazy Saturday afternoon and say, "Let's go for a drive." I'd like to be able to roll over on a Sunday morning and see her next to me, sure, and I can have that. Without the immediacy of moving in together. Without the need to rush. Moving forward can mean small steps instead of giant leaps. Giant leaps run the risk of losing sight of the ground.
I think she said it best when we talked about it this morning: "Our lives together are a really good movie, and in the movies, they usually fast-forward all of the intermediate parts." She's right. We're almost programmed to fall in love and then jumpstart to the "happily ever after" without the part where you spend time together and get a handle on each other's idiosyncracies and patterns of interaction.
Jennifer and I /are/ a really good movie. But unlike those other movies, where there's a two hour time limit, we have the rest of our lives, should we decide we want that, to see what happens before the credits roll. I'm enjoying every minute of our movie. And I can't wait to really get to date this girl. In the same city. All the time.
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no subject
Date: 2002-04-02 12:38 pm (UTC)i think you've got a good grasp on your situation and are in great and total control of what you're doing.
=)
On thinking it through
Date: 2002-04-02 12:47 pm (UTC)There is /nothing/ wrong with thinking this through.
After coming off a relationship, no matter what awaits you on the other side, you need some time to breathe, to get yourself back.
Get your own place... hell, she can sleep over every night if you want. But it will be yours, and yours alone. You need something like that for a bit. It'll do you good.
no subject
Date: 2002-04-02 12:54 pm (UTC)But it's definitely good to get a handle on being near each other before jumping into a lease. Definitely a good thing.
You're really smart.
Date: 2002-04-02 01:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-04-02 01:24 pm (UTC)So, do what feels right to you. Whether living together or not. Anyone whi questions how serious you are about each other is just plain silly. I don't see how anyone could see how you look at each other, and not know this is /very/ serious. And very wonderful.
no subject
Date: 2002-04-02 01:24 pm (UTC)Sounds like you're both on the same page here, and that you are both using heads and hearts. And, so long as the two of you agree on the issue, it's nobody else's business.
no subject
Date: 2002-04-02 01:48 pm (UTC)Hey, if you want, you could move in with me. I have a big place and you are allowed to drink beer/ scratch yourself whenever you want here ;-P~
Dude.
Date: 2002-04-02 01:59 pm (UTC)(He thinks I'm joking.)
no subject
Date: 2002-04-02 02:05 pm (UTC)And thank you, enormous thank yous from the bottom of my cold, stony heart, for this:
I don't see how anyone could see how you look at each other, and not know this is /very/ serious. And very wonderful.
Re: Dude.
Date: 2002-04-02 02:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-04-02 02:49 pm (UTC)Re: Dude.
Date: 2002-04-02 02:57 pm (UTC)I used to work there. :)
Re: Dude.
Date: 2002-04-02 06:28 pm (UTC)Re: Dude.
Darn.
Re: You're really smart.
Date: 2002-04-02 07:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-04-02 08:08 pm (UTC)I am confident that we will do what is best for us and only we truly know what that is....
Oh..and while I look forward to a time when we do do something like this...I believe that we both need this time right now to be close but not *that* close.....and enjoy each other without the rpessures of living together....regardless of the money or convenience or whatever...I know how you feel about me...I feel the same about you....
Love You!
M.
no subject
Date: 2002-04-02 08:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-04-02 08:15 pm (UTC)I always used my full name when working.....and just "Jen" amongst friends...but I kinda like it when it's used by this girl that I love....so I guess if you are referring to what SHE said then its okay...
Living together...bad
Date: 2002-04-02 08:24 pm (UTC)"When this lease is up we'll..."
I dont eant to move, he doesnt want to move...so ...we stay together
breaking up is just too inconveninet...even if we arent sure we love each other it will still be too inconvenient.
Time is good, space is good.
Too much togther and you take eveyrthingf or granted anyway.
DO what makes you happy my pretty pretty princesses!
Do too! Do too!
Date: 2002-04-02 08:28 pm (UTC)no subject
(Besides, I get all stomach-weird when I hear you say your name on your cell phone voicemail. I am /so/ bizarre when it comes to you.)
So it's okay that I take the liberty of using the whole name?
Re: Living together...bad
Date: 2002-04-02 08:32 pm (UTC)EEP! I have never, never, /never in all my life/ been called a "pretty pretty princess."
*passes out in shock*
Re: Living together...bad
Date: 2002-04-02 08:43 pm (UTC)Re: Dude.
Date: 2002-04-03 04:53 am (UTC)1) Running around with a lampshade on head singing Annette Funnicello songs would be prohibited on all Sunday through Thursday nights from September through June.
2) Restrictions on Annette Funicello late-night escapades are lifted on Friday and Saturday evenings as well as all evenings in July and August.
How about that?
Re: Dude.
Date: 2002-04-03 05:27 am (UTC)These things are important, you know.
no subject
Date: 2002-04-03 05:31 am (UTC)In a schizophrenic way, I can totally understand, and relate to, this. There's some sort of comfort in knowing that there's a place of one's own to go to while having the option of a little playing house. :)
Re: On thinking it through
Date: 2002-04-03 05:32 am (UTC)*cue make-out music*
Re:
Date: 2002-04-03 05:59 am (UTC)Re: Do too! Do too!
Date: 2002-04-03 06:00 am (UTC)You are just a ray of perfect sunshine!.....or something...that isn't goth....
I am pretty fond of your not cold or stony or little heart!
So there...
no subject
Date: 2002-04-03 06:34 am (UTC)Stomach-weird
Date: 2002-04-03 07:17 am (UTC)(Why do you think I leave messages on your cell phone?)
no subject
Date: 2002-04-03 07:28 am (UTC)I think it was mostly an awareness we both had, as both of us had been in relationships that moved too fast at first, and ultimately didn't work out, partly due to this moving too fast.
But what works for us doesn't necessarily work for everyone.
Re: Stomach-weird
Date: 2002-04-03 07:40 am (UTC)Because you love me?;)
Re:
Date: 2002-04-03 07:41 am (UTC)Re: Stomach-weird
Date: 2002-04-03 08:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-04-03 08:39 am (UTC)It's not so bad being trendy
Everyone who looks like me is my friend.
Please don't have me because I'm trendy
They're not gonna laugh at me again.
(Reel Big Fish)
Re: Dude.
Date: 2002-04-03 10:04 am (UTC)Re: Dude.
Date: 2002-04-03 02:29 pm (UTC)You know, this doesn't sound half bad. I could wear my Hawaiian shirt with the hula girls, and we could go crazy.
Re: Dude.
Date: 2002-04-03 02:31 pm (UTC)Hula girls? *perk*
Re: Dude.
Date: 2002-04-03 02:33 pm (UTC)Dude, it's so all true.
Re: Dude.
Date: 2002-04-03 02:34 pm (UTC)Re: Dude.
Date: 2002-04-03 02:47 pm (UTC)Re: Dude.
Date: 2002-04-03 02:48 pm (UTC)