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judecorpBetween the bleeding and the hormones, I am a big mess. I'm trying to decide if I should take three more days of progesterone. Last night I had a veritable nervous breakdown, and was pretty much beside myself. All I could really think to do was curl up on my side thinking over and over:
thisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappening
Now I run errands all over klumbis.
thisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappeningthisshouldnotbehappening
Now I run errands all over klumbis.
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no subject
Date: 2003-07-02 07:54 am (UTC)I'm so sorry jude.
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Date: 2003-07-02 08:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-02 09:05 am (UTC)and if you're not the vengeful type (cuz i think you are probably not) i'll just send you some hugs and hope that you feel better soon. when i feel like dump, i turn to netflix and the ps2. it's escapist, but it's something.
*hugs*
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Date: 2003-07-02 09:25 am (UTC)Surely wanting to curl up into a teeny tiny ball and feeling deranged is a sign that, oh, I don't know, your uterus should be left the hell alone.
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Date: 2003-07-02 09:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-02 11:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-02 01:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-02 01:42 pm (UTC)Aah well. I stopped taking the progesterone today. Screw it. I'm already starting to bleed, so why bother?
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Date: 2003-07-02 01:43 pm (UTC)Bleh.
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Date: 2003-07-02 01:44 pm (UTC)It's not her (the doctor's) fault. I mean, it's not like I told her, "You know, I'm not sure this will be a good thing, because, you see, I'm genderqueer and having my period like a girl is really going to mess with me emotionally." She was just doing her job.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-02 01:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-02 01:44 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-07-02 01:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-02 01:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-02 01:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-02 02:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-02 02:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-02 02:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-02 02:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-02 02:42 pm (UTC)I know alot of MtFs who tell girls that they'd kill to have a period. I am not one of them. I had an ex who used to get severe cramps every month with hers. I don't wish for that at all. Besides which, I'm genderqueer, no matter how you slice me. ;) I wouldn't want to bleed, but I also hate nocturnal emissions, too. *shrugs*
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Date: 2003-07-02 02:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-02 02:58 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-07-03 05:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-03 07:06 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-07-03 07:06 am (UTC)I can't wait to see your boobs!no subject
Date: 2003-07-03 07:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-03 07:09 am (UTC)I'm pretty fortunate on the cramps front, since I tend not to get them badly and also have an obnoxiously high pain tolerance. But I feel so run down and blah, which of course certainly doesn't help my sunny disposition!
I'll just keep telling myself, "Hopefully after this, I'll be set for another 6 months or more."
Honestly, I can't see why any MtFs would want their period, unless they really really want to conceive children. Which I suppose is totally valid.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-03 07:10 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-07-03 07:13 am (UTC)In the quickest terms I can possibly muster, so I can tackle the boxes on the first floor, I will say this:
Some people (like myself) don't believe that there are only two values for gender - male and female. They believe that some people, for whatever reason, fall somewhere in between and thus don't/can't/won't identify as strictly male or female. Piggybacking on the LGB caravan, a subset of the transgender community is using the term "genderqueer" to indicate this fluidity, this in-between-ness, this lack of satisfaction with gender/biological sex congruence but no desire to simply switch to the other gender.
This is likely why you've seen me call myself both 'boy' and 'girl' at times, and use both 'he' and 'she' to refer to myself. Does that help at all?
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Date: 2003-07-03 07:22 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-07-03 07:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-03 11:26 am (UTC)Most of the MtFs want the period because they really want to conceive, but more as a combination of having that ability if they desired it and (mostly) as a badge of their "womanhood". Personally, I could care less. I think about the fact that cramps are not pleasant, and actually giving birth is likely even more painful, and I'd just prefer to adopt a kid if I really wanted one. *shrugs* I know that makes me a bad trannie, not wanting to be just like the other girls, but then I'm smart enough to know that all girls are not the same, too. ;)
no subject
Date: 2003-07-05 01:40 pm (UTC)I love this line so much. You rock.
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Date: 2003-07-07 08:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-07 11:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-08 10:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-08 11:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-08 11:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-08 09:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-10 12:05 am (UTC)The whole realm of therapy for gender different people has been so wrapped up in byzantine ideology and the thought that it could be a "cure" for homosexuality. It's only been in the last 10 years that any real serious reform of these archaic ideas has occured.
And there are getting to be more and more transpeople like me, who aren't going to be frilly girls in flowery dresses. And that's a GOOD thing!
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Date: 2003-07-10 06:16 am (UTC)Yeah, but why would they want more girls who dress like boys? They've already got their hands full with a bunch of dirty lesbians! ;)
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Date: 2003-07-10 09:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-10 02:08 pm (UTC)