I didn't even have to use my A.K.
Aug. 29th, 2003 01:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
judecorpI got to sleep past 4:30am, so that was a big plus right there. I think I got up around 9:30, drank some orange juice, and then took a shower. My grandmother gave me her house key and $100 (SWEET). I checked email and LJ, and then drove my dad's truck and followed him so he could drop his car off at the garage. We ran some other errands and stuff, and then we picked up my friend Laurie (from high school) and all went to lunch. He dropped Laurie and I off at her place and we talked for a while, and then my mom came. We were supposed to go visit my maternal grandmother, but we got to talking and never made it. She drove me back to my (paternal) grandparents' house, and on the way home, I got a call from my smoochie.
I chatted with grandma for a while about the usual topics (who is sick, who is dead, who is getting married, which member of the family is furthest on the shit list - currently my cousin Tony for forgetting Gma's birthday) and during the course of the conversation, I made the following statements:
I'm still concerned that she might not have totally understood what I was saying, although she did give a startled, but lightbulb-flashing, "Oh!" when I said I didn't like boys. And when I told her my father didn't want her to know I was living with my girlfriend, she said, "Why not? Your brother does." (And well, since my brother lives with a fiancee rather than a 'friend that's a girl,' I'm guessing she's got it.)
Yeah, so after that, I called Laurie and she picked me up. At her house, we met up with her girlfriend, Donna, and two other girls from high school, Joslyn and Diana (pronounced Di-AH-na, not DI-ana). We went out to eat (Applebee's - hardly my favorite because there isn't really anything veggie) where we met up with Casey (from elementary and high school). Her boyfriend, Shawn, happened to have gone to first grade with me, and between then and now, he's become a complete and total asshat. At least it wasn't just me - EVERYONE hated him. (YAY! Solidarity.) After dinner, Joslyn and Diana left, Casey and Asshat took off, and Laurie, Donna, and I went to see Freddy vs. Jason, which was entertaining. They dropped me off, and here I am.
I hadn't seen Joslyn or Diana since 1997 at Laurie's wedding. I was a little nervous because I don't really know Diana all that well - she was much more their friend than mine. But she's very sweet (she's a first grade teacher, for crying out loud) and most of the time I was just cracking everyone up anyway. I don't think any of those girls know what it's like to really just say whatever is on your mind - it was almost like they were so shocked to hear me go on and on about whatever. Joslyn is still as funny as always, though it's so weird to hear her and Diana talk about their husbands. Wack-tacular!
Laurie and Donna don't do any sort of display of affection in public. That's weird to me because Laurie was always very demonstrative with boys she dated. She asked me at one point today (when I said something about Jen and I holding hands) if people stared at me or looked at us funny, or if anything ever happened. I told her that it depended on where we were, but that we both get stared at quite a bit, independently and together. She seemed very mortified and scared, and it made me really sad. At the same time, I felt /so/ lucky and grateful that I have my Jennifer, and she is not afraid or ashamed to show how we feel in public. I can't imagine feeling unable to touch her or be close to her out in public - I can't imagine living the way Laurie and Donna do, even in Woonsocket. I told her that I would be demonstrative anyway. She asked if I ever feel afraid, and I was honest: "I would only be afraid if I stopped wanting to touch her, if I stopped being proud of her and of us and of myself. That would mean something was terribly wrong."
I'm still missing my best girl, but other than the ache of knowing I will crawl into an empty bed, I'd call today a total success.
I chatted with grandma for a while about the usual topics (who is sick, who is dead, who is getting married, which member of the family is furthest on the shit list - currently my cousin Tony for forgetting Gma's birthday) and during the course of the conversation, I made the following statements:
- (Do you have a roommate?) "No, I live with my girlfriend."
- (Do you think you will ever get married again?) "Not unless they change the marriage laws."
- "I will never date another man." (You never know.) "Grandma, I don't like boys."
- "Dad didn't want me to tell you." (What?) "Who I date, why my marriage ended, and that Jennifer and I live together." (Why?) "I guess because you're old. And he doesn't want anyone to hate me."
- "I'm happy. I'm happier than I've ever been in my entire life."
I'm still concerned that she might not have totally understood what I was saying, although she did give a startled, but lightbulb-flashing, "Oh!" when I said I didn't like boys. And when I told her my father didn't want her to know I was living with my girlfriend, she said, "Why not? Your brother does." (And well, since my brother lives with a fiancee rather than a 'friend that's a girl,' I'm guessing she's got it.)
Yeah, so after that, I called Laurie and she picked me up. At her house, we met up with her girlfriend, Donna, and two other girls from high school, Joslyn and Diana (pronounced Di-AH-na, not DI-ana). We went out to eat (Applebee's - hardly my favorite because there isn't really anything veggie) where we met up with Casey (from elementary and high school). Her boyfriend, Shawn, happened to have gone to first grade with me, and between then and now, he's become a complete and total asshat. At least it wasn't just me - EVERYONE hated him. (YAY! Solidarity.) After dinner, Joslyn and Diana left, Casey and Asshat took off, and Laurie, Donna, and I went to see Freddy vs. Jason, which was entertaining. They dropped me off, and here I am.
I hadn't seen Joslyn or Diana since 1997 at Laurie's wedding. I was a little nervous because I don't really know Diana all that well - she was much more their friend than mine. But she's very sweet (she's a first grade teacher, for crying out loud) and most of the time I was just cracking everyone up anyway. I don't think any of those girls know what it's like to really just say whatever is on your mind - it was almost like they were so shocked to hear me go on and on about whatever. Joslyn is still as funny as always, though it's so weird to hear her and Diana talk about their husbands. Wack-tacular!
Laurie and Donna don't do any sort of display of affection in public. That's weird to me because Laurie was always very demonstrative with boys she dated. She asked me at one point today (when I said something about Jen and I holding hands) if people stared at me or looked at us funny, or if anything ever happened. I told her that it depended on where we were, but that we both get stared at quite a bit, independently and together. She seemed very mortified and scared, and it made me really sad. At the same time, I felt /so/ lucky and grateful that I have my Jennifer, and she is not afraid or ashamed to show how we feel in public. I can't imagine feeling unable to touch her or be close to her out in public - I can't imagine living the way Laurie and Donna do, even in Woonsocket. I told her that I would be demonstrative anyway. She asked if I ever feel afraid, and I was honest: "I would only be afraid if I stopped wanting to touch her, if I stopped being proud of her and of us and of myself. That would mean something was terribly wrong."
I'm still missing my best girl, but other than the ache of knowing I will crawl into an empty bed, I'd call today a total success.
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no subject
Date: 2003-08-28 11:25 pm (UTC)I know full-well that I'm probably preaching to the choir by saying this, but I hope you didn't make her feel like she was wrong for her opinions and behaviors. It almost sounded like she was checking with you to see what her attitude *should* be, and that she was frightened that she's not so open about PDAs like you are.
But it would seem to me that the spectrum of public behaviors would be similar amongst couples regardless of their sexual orientation. In other words, I'm concerned that she's worried (or that she's worried that YOU'RE worried) that she's sensitive about PDAs because of her lesbianism.
Although Dina and I are more like you and Jen than like Laurie and Donna, I hope Laurie realizes that her own behavioral tendencies are /probably/ completely normal and healthy, and that even though YOU would be worried if you STOPPED wanting to touch Jennifer in public, she needn't *necessarily* be worried about their own agreed-upon (either spoken or merely understood) social boundaries.
Maybe I should have gotten an MMFT...
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Date: 2003-08-29 04:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-29 05:38 am (UTC)look through some old yearbooks for Pare boys. How big can a town like 'woonsocket' be??
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Date: 2003-08-29 05:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-29 05:50 am (UTC)Jen misses you too - I haven't personally talked to her, but Sarah said that she had a "I miss Jude voice" on the phone lastnight.
We're all walking around with our "I miss Jude" voices now.
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Date: 2003-08-29 06:09 am (UTC)I dreamed last night that you and me and your smoochie went grocery shopping. Your beloved and I were staring at cereal when my alarm went off.
What does it meeeeeeaaaaan?
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Date: 2003-08-29 07:59 am (UTC)But I can see what you're saying, and I /do/ hope that she wasn't looking to me as some sort of beacon of lesbian behavior. That would totally suck, especially for her, because she and I are NOTHING alike, and basing her behavior on my own would be disatrous.
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Date: 2003-08-29 07:59 am (UTC)(Family overload, though.)
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Date: 2003-08-29 08:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-29 08:01 am (UTC)no subject
Please take care of my smoochie. :)
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Date: 2003-08-29 08:03 am (UTC)I think it means that you and said smoochie would like me to have some Count Chocula cereal. I couldn't agree with you more!
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Date: 2003-08-29 08:21 am (UTC)--Mermil who used to frequent the Brooks Pharmacy at Pitman St and Butler Ave on the east siiiide o' Providence.
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Date: 2003-08-29 08:51 am (UTC)Go Grandma! Go Grandma!
That's excellent. It's so cool that when you're totally honest and not weird about it, people sometimes step up to the plate and act the same way. Rock on.
Sounds like an excellent day. :)
And this: "I would only be afraid if I stopped wanting to touch her, if I stopped being proud of her and of us and of myself. That would mean something was terribly wrong." makes me feel so lucky that I get to read your journal.
*mwah*
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Date: 2003-08-29 09:37 am (UTC)At least I still wanna be like you.
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Date: 2003-08-29 10:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-29 12:14 pm (UTC)Woot!
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Date: 2003-08-29 12:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-29 12:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-29 01:20 pm (UTC)I don't want yours.
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Date: 2003-08-29 02:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-29 05:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-29 06:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-30 06:33 am (UTC)yay jude!
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Date: 2003-08-31 09:29 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2003-08-31 09:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-31 09:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-31 10:01 pm (UTC)That was easy!
(But if you ever wanna trade...) ;)
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Date: 2003-09-01 10:59 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2003-09-03 09:44 am (UTC)