judecorp | Last night's dream (Reply)

It was awful. It was way more connected to my waking life than my dreams ever are. In my dream, everyone was upset with me. They were all yelling. For some reason, we were all in this big room. Aaron was telling me all of the things that were 'wrong' with me, and I was so upset and angry, but then he was telling me he wanted to get back together, and I was the bad guy for saying no. And Jodie was mad at me, and Mark and I were fighting, and my Grandmother was there telling me all about how she told me I would make a crappy wife and there was something wrong with me and it was because I wasn't girly and she always knew, always knew. And I kept trying to call people that weren't in the room, people from OSU and other places, and no one would answer, or if they did, they would hang up on me.

I woke up with my heart pounding in my throat and hot tears behind my eyes. It was 3AM. And in the inky subspace between waking and dreaming when everything is so real, I almost called Mark, to apologize. To remind me that people care about me.

It was terrifying.

(p.s. Today has still been a kick ass day. I am eating chocolate ice cream for lunch, and am talking to Luke and Christina. YAY!)