My Thanksgiving Vacation
Dec. 1st, 2003 11:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
judecorpThe whole trip was really overwhelming. I suppose I should have expected it, but I didn't. I mean, I joked a lot about impending "family overload" or about the amount of time spent in the car, but really, I didn't have any kind of idea what I was getting into. Everything was so intense. I'm sure it doesn't help that I've been overly emotional lately. But either way...
So on Wednesday morning, we got up bright and early, filled the car with luggage, and were on our way. We were very chipper and were having a great time, until we got to Steve's to check on the cats. It was terrible. The entire bathroom was covered in cat pee, and I don't think anyone had been there since I was there the week before. I was so frustrated, and we spent an hour there cleaning up. An hour. On a travel day. But we did it, and headed out on the road. The drive to New Jersey was mostly fun - we did a lot of silly singing and stuff, and only hit a few pockets of traffic. It took longer than we expected, though (10 hours), but we rolled in to Jen's brother and sister-in-law's place a little after 8pm.
The part of the trip I was dreading the most was probably the most pleasant surprise. Her brother Michael and sister-in-law Rhonda were very gracious hosts who tried very hard to make us feel welcome. We had the pick of the guest rooms, and Rhonda even taped Survivor for me, because I am hopelessly addicted. Jennifer's mother and father arrived later that night and began making the food preparations, and dinner was delicious. Her brother Dwayne, sister-in-law Sandra, and their children (with the trendy names of Dylan, Mackenzie, and Logan) arrived for dinner and everyone was very nice to me. (I'd only ever met her parents before.) I loved playing with the kids, and didn't feel terribly self-conscious or out of place. It was all very casual.
The two most pleasant and touching surprises were the encouraging and sweet conversation I had with Jennifer's father, and when Sandra told the kids to "say goodbye to Aunt Jude." Everyone went out of their way to make me feel included, and congratulate us on our engagement. The only downer to the whole Thanksgiving experience was that I woke up feeling sick on Thursday morning. Nothing like Vacation Illness.
We got up late on Friday morning (hooray, sick) and set out in the pouring rain for Rhode Island. This was supposed to be the shortest leg of the trip, but only barely, as the post-holiday travellers and the weather made for lots of traffic jams and accidents. It took until half-past forever to get there, and I felt pretty lousy the whole time. I found out my grandfather had been pretty sick with a cold/flu that wouldn't quit, and so I was nervous about stopping by with my germs. We ended up saying a quick hello and then driving to my mother's house to have dinner with Mom, John,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
smurfbrother and Gretchen. This was also a good time, mostly because everyone was in good spirits and chatty, and because my mother brought out the 8-track 2XL that we had when we were kids. Jen and I had plans to go to a lesbian bar with my newly out friend Laurie, so we conned Rick and G to come with and danced until 2am. I had eighteen gobs of fun there. Too bad Laurie's bed wasn't comfortable and her windows had no blinds or curtains, because I was wide awake at 6am. Blah.
Laurie (who is a hair stylist) offered to cut my hair for free on her break, so I got a little trim (yay!) in time for the Event of Doom, aka my grandparents' 60th anniversary party. At one point on Saturday afternoon, Rick, G, Jen, and I went to lunch with my father, and while we were in the restaurant, someone hit-and-ran his car in the parking lot. Suck. Then Jen, Gretchen and I played cards with my grandmother, which I thought was pretty okay.
Of course, it was during the card playing that my grandmother offered Jen and I one of my grandfather's apartments (across town) if we wanted a place to stay. I was all kinds of irked about that - I realize there wasn't room for all of us (Jen and I and Rick and Gretchen) to stay in my grandparents' house (well, there would be if we were all allowed to sleep with each other), but it felt really awkward to me to be offered a place all by ourselves. It hasn't really sit right with me ever since. We declined, though, because my mother offered her futon (and her house was a lot more welcoming on the Jen front).
We all went to the Anniversary Party and I never felt so out of place so quickly in my life. It was worse that new-student orientation at college (for me). There were scads of people I had never seen, and others that I had seen a billion years ago, and others that I had seen last at my wedding. There were people whose names I recognized, people whose names I'd forgotten, and people whose names I'd never known. There were lots of people who stared at us. I guess I never really get used to that.
My brother spent a lot of time and was very good about introducing his fiancee, Gretchen, to almost everyone at the party. (I'd say 75 people, give or take.) He seemed to know more people than I did (he's older, maybe that's why), and knew them better. It was very sweet that he was introducing her around everywhere, and everyone seemed to like her (because she's cool, that's why). At one point, though, she (with only the best intentions) pulled me aside to say that she thought Jennifer was feeling left out because she wasn't being introduced to everyone. And that's basically where everything fell apart for me.
For starters, my grandparents' 60th anniversary party was not really the place I wanted to hold my own personal Coming Out Extravaganza for my grandparents' ancient friends. I really wasn't feeling up to showing my ignorance by not remembering the names of some of my Portuguese relatives, and I wasn't terribly excited about prancing Jen around the room when people were staring. I introduced her to everyone who meant something to me at the party - the relatives and friends I was close to, and the people who were actually speaking to me. I suppose I /could/ have introduced her to Grandma's senile cousin Millie, or the people my grandparents eat breakfast with on Sundays, but really, I didn't see the point. I was feeling awkward and out of place, and I was put off by then feeling guilty about leaving Jen out.
It was around this time that my brain started working overtime about the unfairness of privilege and about how easy it was for my brother to shout about his fiancee from the rafters. I'm sure that I could have opened my mouth and gone around to everyone at the party and introduced my "fiancee, Jennifer," but I can only imagine: a) what kind of bizarre reactions we would have gotten, and b) how uncomfortable my grandparents would have been. So I started to get bummed.
Later in the evening I spoke with a cousin of mine (I think we're cousins) who was very nice and chatty and that made it better for a while. And I saw my stepbrother and his wife, and that was nice, too. Jennifer and I were walking around taking pictures of guests so I can make a photo album for my grandparents for Christmas, and I started thinking again (which is always dangerous). I just felt really horribly out of place and wanted to get out of there. I felt really self-conscious again because my stepbrother made some kind of comment about how he would "pay me to kiss Jen to see if people freaked out." I was so furious that this was even an issue, and started wondering whether I should continue to put my hand on her knee (I did) or whatever. *sigh*
Later, my father told my grandmother that she should make a write-up for the local paper. I started wondering whether Jen would be the only person seated at the table of honor that wasn't mentioned, and I started getting sad all over again. It didn't help that the DJ was terrible, and when people complained to my father he got all ridiculous. I just wanted to crawl under the table and hide. But the party ended fairly early and we headed back to my grandmother's house to say goodbye. She opened the gift that was from Rick, Gretchen, Jen and me, and she seemed surprised that it was from Jen, too. I think they just don't understand at all the role she plays in my life, no matter what I try to tell them. My grandmother /did/ give her a thank-you hug eventually, and I was really glad for that. We left to go to my mom's.
We got a pretty terrible night's sleep because my mom's futon was totally fux0red and because I was in a bad mood. We woke up with sore backs and I started feeling sick again. We got off to a late start, and I got lost on the back roads near my mom's house and was pretty pissy. I was sore and tired and sick and emotional and it was such a bad combo. I was on the edge of crying for most of Massachusetts.
We made great time in New York and I was excited about getting to the hotel in Dunkirk and decompressing with Jennifer. But then there was a huge accident in Syracuse and we spent almost two hours parked on the highway. Jen was getting really frustrated and angry and I didn't know what to do, and we were just stuck there. It was terrible. We ended up getting to our hotel at 9pm instead of 7, and by the time we got back from dinner, Jen was just exhausted and fell asleep before we got a chance to talk through how sad I was.
This was a disaster, and I went to the other bed and curled up there. We got into it this morning and I feel really bad about that, but I was just so lost and alone last night and didn't know what to do with myself. It was awful. I felt so empty and couldn't console myself. We made ourselves late this morning (barely sneaking out before check-out) by making up, and when we finally spent a little time making love I burst into the first actual tears I've cried since Aaron's father died. I was so overwhelmed with emotion and relief, but mostly was just blown away by how strongly I need her and how much I ached when she was sleeping while I was feeling so horrible.
We got on the road and it was bitterly cold, and alternated between hail and snow until we got to Ohio. We made it to Columbus by 5pm (thank goodness), and I've never been so happy to see Cow Town USA. I'm actually really excited now that we won't be seeing family for Christmas, even though typing that makes me feel kind of selfish and bratty. I just don't think I can handle that kind of emotion again so soon.
Well, that was exciting, right? You can admit that you skimmed it. It's really much too angsty for my tastes, anyway. It's good to be home.
The REALLY exciting part of the weekend was when Jennifer and I really came together to try to plan (we're planners, what can I say?) a move to Massachusetts in the upcoming summer, and a baby in about two years. Damn if that girl doesn't make my head spin with happiness.
So on Wednesday morning, we got up bright and early, filled the car with luggage, and were on our way. We were very chipper and were having a great time, until we got to Steve's to check on the cats. It was terrible. The entire bathroom was covered in cat pee, and I don't think anyone had been there since I was there the week before. I was so frustrated, and we spent an hour there cleaning up. An hour. On a travel day. But we did it, and headed out on the road. The drive to New Jersey was mostly fun - we did a lot of silly singing and stuff, and only hit a few pockets of traffic. It took longer than we expected, though (10 hours), but we rolled in to Jen's brother and sister-in-law's place a little after 8pm.
The part of the trip I was dreading the most was probably the most pleasant surprise. Her brother Michael and sister-in-law Rhonda were very gracious hosts who tried very hard to make us feel welcome. We had the pick of the guest rooms, and Rhonda even taped Survivor for me, because I am hopelessly addicted. Jennifer's mother and father arrived later that night and began making the food preparations, and dinner was delicious. Her brother Dwayne, sister-in-law Sandra, and their children (with the trendy names of Dylan, Mackenzie, and Logan) arrived for dinner and everyone was very nice to me. (I'd only ever met her parents before.) I loved playing with the kids, and didn't feel terribly self-conscious or out of place. It was all very casual.
The two most pleasant and touching surprises were the encouraging and sweet conversation I had with Jennifer's father, and when Sandra told the kids to "say goodbye to Aunt Jude." Everyone went out of their way to make me feel included, and congratulate us on our engagement. The only downer to the whole Thanksgiving experience was that I woke up feeling sick on Thursday morning. Nothing like Vacation Illness.
We got up late on Friday morning (hooray, sick) and set out in the pouring rain for Rhode Island. This was supposed to be the shortest leg of the trip, but only barely, as the post-holiday travellers and the weather made for lots of traffic jams and accidents. It took until half-past forever to get there, and I felt pretty lousy the whole time. I found out my grandfather had been pretty sick with a cold/flu that wouldn't quit, and so I was nervous about stopping by with my germs. We ended up saying a quick hello and then driving to my mother's house to have dinner with Mom, John,
smurfbrother and Gretchen. This was also a good time, mostly because everyone was in good spirits and chatty, and because my mother brought out the 8-track 2XL that we had when we were kids. Jen and I had plans to go to a lesbian bar with my newly out friend Laurie, so we conned Rick and G to come with and danced until 2am. I had eighteen gobs of fun there. Too bad Laurie's bed wasn't comfortable and her windows had no blinds or curtains, because I was wide awake at 6am. Blah.Laurie (who is a hair stylist) offered to cut my hair for free on her break, so I got a little trim (yay!) in time for the Event of Doom, aka my grandparents' 60th anniversary party. At one point on Saturday afternoon, Rick, G, Jen, and I went to lunch with my father, and while we were in the restaurant, someone hit-and-ran his car in the parking lot. Suck. Then Jen, Gretchen and I played cards with my grandmother, which I thought was pretty okay.
Of course, it was during the card playing that my grandmother offered Jen and I one of my grandfather's apartments (across town) if we wanted a place to stay. I was all kinds of irked about that - I realize there wasn't room for all of us (Jen and I and Rick and Gretchen) to stay in my grandparents' house (well, there would be if we were all allowed to sleep with each other), but it felt really awkward to me to be offered a place all by ourselves. It hasn't really sit right with me ever since. We declined, though, because my mother offered her futon (and her house was a lot more welcoming on the Jen front).
We all went to the Anniversary Party and I never felt so out of place so quickly in my life. It was worse that new-student orientation at college (for me). There were scads of people I had never seen, and others that I had seen a billion years ago, and others that I had seen last at my wedding. There were people whose names I recognized, people whose names I'd forgotten, and people whose names I'd never known. There were lots of people who stared at us. I guess I never really get used to that.
My brother spent a lot of time and was very good about introducing his fiancee, Gretchen, to almost everyone at the party. (I'd say 75 people, give or take.) He seemed to know more people than I did (he's older, maybe that's why), and knew them better. It was very sweet that he was introducing her around everywhere, and everyone seemed to like her (because she's cool, that's why). At one point, though, she (with only the best intentions) pulled me aside to say that she thought Jennifer was feeling left out because she wasn't being introduced to everyone. And that's basically where everything fell apart for me.
For starters, my grandparents' 60th anniversary party was not really the place I wanted to hold my own personal Coming Out Extravaganza for my grandparents' ancient friends. I really wasn't feeling up to showing my ignorance by not remembering the names of some of my Portuguese relatives, and I wasn't terribly excited about prancing Jen around the room when people were staring. I introduced her to everyone who meant something to me at the party - the relatives and friends I was close to, and the people who were actually speaking to me. I suppose I /could/ have introduced her to Grandma's senile cousin Millie, or the people my grandparents eat breakfast with on Sundays, but really, I didn't see the point. I was feeling awkward and out of place, and I was put off by then feeling guilty about leaving Jen out.
It was around this time that my brain started working overtime about the unfairness of privilege and about how easy it was for my brother to shout about his fiancee from the rafters. I'm sure that I could have opened my mouth and gone around to everyone at the party and introduced my "fiancee, Jennifer," but I can only imagine: a) what kind of bizarre reactions we would have gotten, and b) how uncomfortable my grandparents would have been. So I started to get bummed.
Later in the evening I spoke with a cousin of mine (I think we're cousins) who was very nice and chatty and that made it better for a while. And I saw my stepbrother and his wife, and that was nice, too. Jennifer and I were walking around taking pictures of guests so I can make a photo album for my grandparents for Christmas, and I started thinking again (which is always dangerous). I just felt really horribly out of place and wanted to get out of there. I felt really self-conscious again because my stepbrother made some kind of comment about how he would "pay me to kiss Jen to see if people freaked out." I was so furious that this was even an issue, and started wondering whether I should continue to put my hand on her knee (I did) or whatever. *sigh*
Later, my father told my grandmother that she should make a write-up for the local paper. I started wondering whether Jen would be the only person seated at the table of honor that wasn't mentioned, and I started getting sad all over again. It didn't help that the DJ was terrible, and when people complained to my father he got all ridiculous. I just wanted to crawl under the table and hide. But the party ended fairly early and we headed back to my grandmother's house to say goodbye. She opened the gift that was from Rick, Gretchen, Jen and me, and she seemed surprised that it was from Jen, too. I think they just don't understand at all the role she plays in my life, no matter what I try to tell them. My grandmother /did/ give her a thank-you hug eventually, and I was really glad for that. We left to go to my mom's.
We got a pretty terrible night's sleep because my mom's futon was totally fux0red and because I was in a bad mood. We woke up with sore backs and I started feeling sick again. We got off to a late start, and I got lost on the back roads near my mom's house and was pretty pissy. I was sore and tired and sick and emotional and it was such a bad combo. I was on the edge of crying for most of Massachusetts.
We made great time in New York and I was excited about getting to the hotel in Dunkirk and decompressing with Jennifer. But then there was a huge accident in Syracuse and we spent almost two hours parked on the highway. Jen was getting really frustrated and angry and I didn't know what to do, and we were just stuck there. It was terrible. We ended up getting to our hotel at 9pm instead of 7, and by the time we got back from dinner, Jen was just exhausted and fell asleep before we got a chance to talk through how sad I was.
This was a disaster, and I went to the other bed and curled up there. We got into it this morning and I feel really bad about that, but I was just so lost and alone last night and didn't know what to do with myself. It was awful. I felt so empty and couldn't console myself. We made ourselves late this morning (barely sneaking out before check-out) by making up, and when we finally spent a little time making love I burst into the first actual tears I've cried since Aaron's father died. I was so overwhelmed with emotion and relief, but mostly was just blown away by how strongly I need her and how much I ached when she was sleeping while I was feeling so horrible.
We got on the road and it was bitterly cold, and alternated between hail and snow until we got to Ohio. We made it to Columbus by 5pm (thank goodness), and I've never been so happy to see Cow Town USA. I'm actually really excited now that we won't be seeing family for Christmas, even though typing that makes me feel kind of selfish and bratty. I just don't think I can handle that kind of emotion again so soon.
Well, that was exciting, right? You can admit that you skimmed it. It's really much too angsty for my tastes, anyway. It's good to be home.
The REALLY exciting part of the weekend was when Jennifer and I really came together to try to plan (we're planners, what can I say?) a move to Massachusetts in the upcoming summer, and a baby in about two years. Damn if that girl doesn't make my head spin with happiness.
