The True Good

[judecorp]

Today I went to a little going-away dinner for two of my old coworkers from the shelter. They have gotten new, better jobs, and I am so happy for them. I couldn't really stay for the whole dinner because I had to do a home visit, but it was really neat to see some of the people I used to work with, especially Former Coworker Jennifer (who is one of the people who got a new job). She said so many really nice things to me!

One of the very flattering things she said was that from the time she got hired (she got hired the same week as me) to the time I got laid off was the best employment experience of her whole life. She said that she loved working with me and that we clicked so well, and that every day was fun. I definitely agree. I liked coming into work because it meant we could hang out, and we talked so freely that it was easy to compare notes about clients.

And then when I was getting ready to leave for my home visit, I made some sort of comment about how I was the worst social worker ever. And she let me know that up until her very last day at the shelter, former clients of mine would ask how I was doing and say they missed me and tell Jennifer that no one at the shelter helped them as much as I did. I really miss the days where I felt like I was doing good work - I don't have that feeling at my current job.

Jennifer and I spent a few minutes talking about the work at the shelter, and I mentioned to her that I really miss the feeling that I was actually doing something beneficial. When I worked at the shelter, I would often come home exhausted but always felt like my work was making a concrete difference in people's lives. I felt like I was doing valuable work that had a purpose. And then I flippantly mentioned to Jennifer that I loved working with people who are rock bottom, because you don't really have to worry so much about screwing up or doing best practice, and instead can just try to help people as best you can and make sure to treat them with respect.

It's kind of like that part in Schindler's List when Mr. Schindler is frustrated because he is doing everything he can to help the people, but he feels like there is so much more than needs to be done and he just can't do anymore. And then that other man he's with tells him that he should be happy with what he's doing, because it's a True Good. Working at the shelter felt exactly like that - there was so much more I wish I could have done for my clients, but I knew that every single time I helped them, even if it wasn't as much help as I'd like, was a step up from where they were before. Heck, even 25% of something is better than 100% of nothing.

This is the sort of spirit I hope to convey at my interview with CCAA. It's hard, demanding work with individuals affected by HIV and most of them are homeless and/or dealing with substance abuse, mental illness, or more. It's the same some of grueling work that can wear me out but leave me feeling satisfied and happy with the work that I'm doing. I hope so much that I am able to convince them that even though I might not have the experience of some other candidates, I really have the sort of personality and conviction that will get the job done well. This is the sort of job that is in my heart and the blood that pumps through it, and I want to get back to doing the True Good again.

Working in Children's Services really doesn't seem to help anyone most of the time. There is so much bureaucracy and so much politicking. Caseworkers have too many cases to be able to do anything even resembling best practice, and even though I have a good relationship with most of my clients, I doubt anyone will ever comment that they miss me or that I was a great benefit to their life. I'm Children's Services, for crying out loud. People hate my intrusion by their very nature. Sigh. I need to get my hands dirty in the weeding and planting of real social work again. PLEASE.

Comments

[vorpalbla.livejournal.com]

"And then I flippantly mentioned to Jennifer that I loved working with people who are rock bottom, because you don't really have to worry so much about screwing up or doing best practice, and instead can just try to help people as best you can and make sure to treat them with respect."

YES!!!!

I do feel like I can help some people in the work I do now. But I really miss the kind of lack of pressure (even during a busy day) that you are talking about.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I loved being able to be so REAL with the clients, because there was no need to put on airs or have any unnecessary professionalism. I would wear what I wanted, talk how I wanted, and could spend an hour sitting in the common area chatting with clients if I managed to scrape up the free time. It was so easy!

I hate the us-them feeling in a lot of social work, like we're supposed to be helping people but are distinctly separate from them. I never felt that way at the shelter. I felt more us-them from the administration than from the residents.

[iansha.livejournal.com]

I hear you there.
When interviewing, I put my hat in for a *gasp* Clinic Job. I see the benefit to 'lay on the couch' types, but I just never felt like I was REALLY DOING SOMETHING there. I crave the crisis, the intensity, the GOOD WORK. There is a place and a purpose for all types of social work out there.
For me, I need to put on the cape more often than not in order to feel like I'm making a difference. I think you've got some of that too.

So, I understand. *HUGS*

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I spent a year in an internship doing honest-to-goodness outpatient therapy, the kind you have to be an LI to do. And while part of me was saying, "This is a really good experience to have," the rest of me was absolutely HATING the cushiness, and the feeling that in the grand scheme of the world, I wasn't really doing /anything/. Sure, maybe I was making a family run a little smoother for a couple of months, but where was the True Good?

Argh.

[jadefu.livejournal.com]

Sometimes you need to work in the wrong job to realize what the right one is for you.

Sounds like you've discovered what that right one is. :) You've expressed it so well here, if you can express it as well in an interview, they're bound to take you seriously.

Just remember, they wouldn't interview you if you weren't already a serious candidate for the position. You just need to convince them that your passion is THIS kind of social work.

[goddamnelf.livejournal.com]

I like your philosophy. I like the idea that there are genuine people like you trying to help people. When I worked in youth therapy in utah, I felt a little of what you are describing. Good luck on your interview, and unless they find someone more qualified, and who feels the same way about the work, I think your commitment to helping people will see you into this position.
lovemike

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I really DO like helping people, and coming home at the end of the day feeling like I did some good. I really hope I can present this well at the interview. I sure would like to be employed before I move - it would make things a lot less stressful.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the little vote of confidence! I just always get so weird about interviews - I tend to make a total fool of myself! (And I have a spotty work history; I'm really self-conscious about that.)

I really hope I can wow SOMEBODY at one of these interviews. And I hope I can make a decent salary at a job I like even a little bit. Please? Is that too much to ask? :)

[fukumen.livejournal.com]

Yep. Children's Services.
That's why I stopped.


It's hard to feel useful when your target population hates you on justifiable principle.

Moving on and along is A Good Thing.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

No joke.

One day I stumbled across an LJ community called something like "social services suck," and almost ALL of the posts were about CPS.

Blecch.