Calgon, take me away

[judecorp]

So the formal offer came in from Florida and it's pretty much everything Jen wanted. My prediction is that she will be out of Massachusetts in a month's time. Sucks on many levels, but I'm especially dreading finishing all of Dad's house stuff by myself.

She has to make her official decision tomorrow and let them know. If she accepts and goes, there's really no need for me to keep that infertility appointment - I wouldn't want to go through that whole arduous and emotional process alone. I've been waiting so long for this, for the possibility of this, it's just... augh.

Having to afford a second apartment down in Florida would mean there'd be no money for airfare/visits.

So far, 2006's not looking so hot, either.

Comments

[estrange.livejournal.com]

So she's going to take it for sure then? You'll be staying & she's going to Florida? When will you move down there to join her? Can't you talk to her about it?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

We talked about it all night, of course.

She doesn't know for sure, but I honestly can't imagine that she will decide not to. Having a good job and a career is so important to her, and I know she often feels like it will never happen and she will be in retail forever. So I know this is really important to her.

If she accepts, they're going to want her to go ASAP (obv, so she can start working). There's no way I can go anytime soon because I have to finish emptying out my dad's house/garages, and clean it up and get it ready to sell, then we have to put it on the market and since my brother is in Missouri, I'll probably have to do a big chunk of that. So I couldn't pack up and bail on all of that. And if I'm going to stay through the spring to do that, I might as well stay until June and finish that training course I wrote about. And if I'm going to stay until June, I might as well stay until July 1st so I can get my productivity bonus at work ($2000) - it would be foolish to do 11 months of work and then leave without the money.

[estrange.livejournal.com]

Wow that really kind of sucks. I mean having a good career is nice but I guess it's a hard decision wondering if it's really worth taking & moving or not. Couldn't she find a job in your area?

That's terrible that you wouldn't be able to be with her until July - that's a really long time to be apart.

Couldn't you still keep the infertility appointment? You could just see your options after all. If you decided to do it you could get it done in Florida then.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

She's applied for jobs in Boston and nothing has really come through for her. She was putting her feelers out for jobs in Western Mass because we were supposed to buy a house out there this summer and relocate and start our family and all that but I guess that was too uncertain for her. (I'm not sure.)

I /could/ keep the fertility consult but I don't really see what the point is. I don't want to try to get pregnant in Florida because the political climate isn't great for us to have a family, and if I move down there without any sort of job, I won't have health insurance because I can't get it through Jen's work if we're not considered married. And I'm not sure if all health insurances cover infertility stuff down there - I know that here it is a law that insurance has to cover it all... but I don't know about Florida's laws.

[estrange.livejournal.com]

I didn't realize you had planned to move to Western Mass & start a family - that's a pretty big change to go from thinking that to moving to Florida. I can see why you are so upset about this, I would be too. So did she for sure decide to take the job then? I guess if she does take it maybe you could move to Florida just for a year or two. That way she'd get experience & be able to use it to get a job in Western Mass? If she hasn't told them yet, I think you really need to talk about this with her some more and ask about when she wants to start a family, etc.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

As for when she wants to start a family, we were supposed to start trying two years ago and we put that on hold to move here and get settled... and then we had made a New Years Resolution together to absolutely 100% try and hope to be quite pregnant by the end of 2006. This is why I made the fertility appointment, because we wanted to see what my options are so we could make an informed (and quick) decision about who would do the trying. (Jen's like clockwork so it's probably no big deal for her.) We were hoping that someone would be pregnant before summer.

It's possible that she could use the experience to get a good job somewhere that doesn't stink, but there's definitely no guarantee and I doubt we could pick the area so specifically (there's no way to know whether there are similar jobs to this one out there). It's true that we could postpone the kid thing for another couple of years, but that seriously breaks my heart. I feel like I've been waiting for 5 years already! I got married the first time when I was 23 and I always thought I would have a child by 25 - I wanted to be a young mom. To have gone through a divorce and postponed, then to have moved here and postponed, then to move down to FL and postpone? Ugh, I don't know how heartbroken I would be, honestly.

We're also legally barred from adopting children in Florida.

[estrange.livejournal.com]

I saw a comment just made by your friend rizzo41 questioning if what you want is being considered here. I kind of agree with her. It seems like your voice isn't being heard. From what I am understanding, it sounds like you REALLY don't want to move to Florida at all - but does Jen really know this? If you're like me, and I know you're a libra so it's highly possible, you always put everyone else before you and feel guilty when you don't. All the decisions you make focus on others & not yourself. You don't want to tell her you don't want to move because it will hurt her, right? With this situation however, I think it's really important you tell her exactly how you feel. You don't want to move to Florida straight out tell her "I don't want to move to Florida". Tell her all the thins you've told me here. Maybe you could write it to her in a letter, I know that I can express myself better in writing. I think you should bring her to the comment you left me above and let her read it. Let her read the comment you made to rizzo41 too talking about how you worry about her & not getting the career she's always wanted. She needs to hear both sides. I worry if you don't tell her you will regret it the rest of your life.