Just apologize, dude. For REALZ.

[judecorp]

Okay, this is annoying. It's a total pet peeve of mine. Or really, more than a pet peeve. It's something that I get really REALLY angry about.

Pope sorry for reaction to his remarks.

I don't care if you are the Pope or whoever, you do NOT apologize for someone else's reaction. You apologize for your mistake, or your action, or your decision, or YOUR anything. "Apologizing" for someone's reaction or feelings is not apologizing at all!

I would feel a lot better if the article said, "Pope sorry for words spoken during oration," or something like that. Instead we get:

"At this time I wish also to add that I am deeply sorry for the reactions in some countries to a few passages of my address at the University of Regensburg, which were considered offensive to the sensibility of Muslims," the pope said Sunday.

Few things irritate me more than when someone "apologizes" to me saying, "I'm sorry you're hurt/sad/upset." I tend to snap back, "Please don't apologize for me." I just can't stand it.

Way to victim blame, Pope.

Comments

[thinksnow.livejournal.com]

In his speech on Tuesday, Benedict quoted from a book recounting a conversation between 14th century Byzantine Christian Emperor Manuel Paleologos II and an educated Persian on the truths of Christianity and Islam.

"The emperor comes to speak about the issue of jihad, holy war," the pope said. "He said, I quote, 'Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.'"

"Way to blame the victim."

See, that's bullshit, though if he merely quoted a passage! Why should he be sorry that they got their nose bent out of shape? "I'm sorry that you are so incredibly thin-skinned that simply by my reading something, you feel the need to murder a nun, her bodyguard, and another hospital worker. I'm sorry that nobody can simply say words, or God/Allah/Diana-forbid, draw a cartoon(!) and your devout beliefs will leave you no other path than to declare bloody and violent retribution on anyone vaguely associated with anything kinda sorta to do with the originator."

There is a difference between apologizing for someone and genuinly feeling regret that they are offended by your actions. If you're not sorry for doing it, but are sorry that someone is hurt by it, what should you say?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Personally, I don't think you should apologize if you don't think you have something to apologize for. Or if you DO want to apologize, you make it about you. Examples:

"I didn't mean to slight anyone, but I am sorry I chose to read that passage."

or

"I did not mean any offense and I did not anticipate this, but I am sorry my speech insulted you."

I mean, I'm not saying that the Pope needs to be all over the fact that people got upset. I mean, people get upset all the time, even when other people have the best intentions. Let's say, for example, my sister was pregnant. (I don't have a sister, but whatever.) And you heard about it and in 3 weeks you see me and you say, "You're going to be a great auntie!" And let's say my sister just had a miscarriage and I am devastated, and you feel REALLY bad. (Because you would. I know you would.) Do you think it would be better to say, "Shit, I'm sorry I said that, I didn't know," or "Shit, I'm sorry you're so upset." Which sounds more sincere?

I am not at all commenting one way or another on what the Pope said in his speech or even how people reacted to it. I have opinions on that (of course I do) and I am keeping them to myself. However, I still maintain that it was a poorly worded apology that comes off sounding insincere. And like a previous poster said, it probably was written by a PR person and probably didn't even come from the Pope at all.

But whatever. I stand by what I say. Whether the Pope or the PR dude chose to apologize in this way, it's a piss poor way to "apologize."

I'm sorry if you're mad about what I said. ;)

[thinksnow.livejournal.com]

Fair enough. FWIW, I don't think you should apologize if you don't think you have something to apologize for, either. Problem with political figures, and the Pope is, of course, is that they sometimes are forced by the nature of global politics to offer apologies wether they feel they should or not.

Your example isn't quite on the mark: if someone actually feels bad about their remarks and has regret for saying the words themselves, then yes, they would/should apologize for saying those words. It's tough to find a fitting example, though, because most often the person seeking an apology is doing so for reasons appearing irrational to the person "inflicting the harm."

I think that we are pretty much agreed on the issue, though, so I'm sorry if my going on about this distresses you. :)