It's good to be right!

[judecorp]

My grandmother has two sisters. They each had children (my father's cousins). My father's cousin Barbara (my second cousin?) had two daughters that were around the same ages as me and my smurfbrother (my third cousins?). They lived in Arizona and I think I only saw them a couple of times. I know they came to Rhode Island once when I was pretty young, and then the summer after I graduated from high school I went with my grandparents to Arizona and hung out with them.

The one that was close to my age was really truly awesome when I was there in '93. We had a good time tooling around Tucson in her sweet, pristine powder blue Mustang that Ciocia Josie (her babciu/grandmother) gave to her (muy jealous), going to see Duran Duran in concert in Phoenix, and discussing the ins and outs of Nancy McKeon movies.

I spent the whole visit wondering if she was queer. Or would be. And I have wondered ever since. Since 1993! I always try to pry information out of my grandmother but all I ever got was that she'd been married, then divorced, and was living on the west coast.

She sent me a letter the other day when she saw our baby's birth announcement at Ciocia Josie's and I e-mailed her back asking for the goods and I was so incredibly, totally, fantastically correct.

I feel so vindicated!!

(It was the conversation about Jo Polniaczek that gave it away, I swear.)

Comments

[ralphmelton.livejournal.com]

Just because you asked: your father's cousin Barbara is your first cousin once removed. Barbara's daughter is your second cousin.

[rachelmichellek.livejournal.com]

your father's first cousin is your first cousin once removed, and their offspring are your first cousins twice removed.

[ladygreyy.livejournal.com]

I love gay family! My sister's the only one I'm in touch with, but there's at *least* one more.

[dustyskinandall.livejournal.com]

I've always hoped that, if I meet my birthmother, I could find out if anyone in the family is queer... or if SHE is!

[violane.livejournal.com]

It's funny that you would post this, because I'm starting to suspect that a friend of mine who I've been out of touch with until very recently may be gay, because she seems very dodgy about updating me about her life, and there is a picture in her profile where she is clearly wearing a wedding dress, but her name hasn't changed and she hasn't mentioned anything about the guy she was engaged to when I was last in touch with her (or any other guy). I've asked her several times if she's married but she hasn't answered. There are lots of pictures of her cuddling with another woman. I have no idea why she would be uncomfortable telling me about it if this is the case. She knows my completely accepting stance on this and I never said a single disparaging thing about homosexuality the entire time I knew her. (I know this sounds weird, as if my "approval" or "disapproval" means anything or that it's any of my business, but I'm just worried she might think I would disapprove for some reason.) But she was raised in a very conservative and religious home, so I don't know. I feel pretty sure she wouldn't have told her family (they're Mormons). I wish she would open up to me. I've said several things about how I can see she seems happy now and would love to hear more about her life. I feel like we could be closer friends again and I would really like to be. Do you think my life might be too "traditional" and uninteresting to her? Any tips? :)

Congrats on being right, by the way. :)

I think...

[evewasframed.livejournal.com]

Your father's first cousin is your first cousin once removed. The child of your first cousin once removed is your second cousin twice removed.

[mtgirl.livejournal.com]

I wish this was a /service/ you could provide, Jude. You know, much like being a Marketing Consultant or something.

My best friend is married to a man that everyone thinks/believes to be gay, but I really don't think I have any right to weigh in since a.) I'm hetero (except when it comes to Ellen Degeneres and Liv Tyler, but who doesn't love them, sigh?), and b.) because she is my best friend.

Nevertheless, it's been fodder for mutual friend's discussions for many years now, and I often wish there was a consultant those folks could hire, so they could move on to a new and certainly more exciting inquiry -like what that Angelina Jolie sees in Brad Pitt anyway.

Must be Friday AND a full moon cause that was a ridiculously long comment. :) I hope hope hope you all will feel better soon. Good thoughts your way.

[jeffholton.livejournal.com]

I guess that it should be fair that your gaydar works a lot better than mine.

I'm almost always so fantastically, way-crazy OFF.

Dina's not.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Maybe you're just an equal opportunity gaydar operator. ;)

[snack.livejournal.com]

you're the first non-polish person i've ever seen to use the word "ciocia".

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I wish I could get paid for this. It would be fun! (But she was an easy pick, let me tell you.)

That sucks that everyone is gossiping about your friend's husband. That can't be good for ANYONE. Especially your friend. Does she know that everyone wonders about him? Does SHE wonder about him?

xo

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thank you! You have all the info!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thanks!!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I have gay family on both sides now, yay! And this cousin is on my paternal grandmother's side, so she can't blame it all on my mother's family!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's fun to be in touch with her. I hardly know her, since I grew up in RI and she grew up in AZ. They came to visit once or twice and I went to visit once. So it's like having a new friend, except she knows my grandparents. ;)

That's rough with families. The whole reason my cousin was able to get in touch with me is that my grandmother told her grandmother (they are sisters) about my daughter. Thing is, I don't know WHAT my grandmother told her, exactly, especially since she sent a congratulations card addressed only to me. So who knows what her grandmother told her mother, you know? Either way, I sent them both baby announcements and both of our names are on it, so I guess that tipped my cousin off. ;) I won't pretend it's not a coincidence that she decided to look me up after she found out I have a bit of the homo love.

My super Catholic grandparents include Jen in everything but will only introduce her to others as my "friend." Still, everyone knows that 'friend' is old people code for something more serious. :) My grandparents treat Jen the same way they treat my brother's wife, and I am very grateful for that. They are modern old people!

I love Duran Duran.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I hope you find out!

Are you actively searching or anything? Can I be in your family?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

It's possible. But it might be less of a reflection on you (if she IS queer) and more of a reflection on how comfortable she is about herself, you know? It might have nothing to do with you, she might just be super shy and closeted about stuff. Or maybe she just has a fear about old friends. I've definitely known people who come out and then will only talk to/hang out with new people, like they've shed their "old" life. I never understood that but it's not uncommon.

I can imagine that this could be compounded by a Mormon family. We all know how much the Mormons love the gays (although to be fair I have a Mormon friend - she's not a Molly Mormon by any means but she does believe - who is super supportive of the gays) and she could have gotten a whole lot of shit at home or something.

I don't think it has anything to do with your life being traditional or boring or whatever... and I don't really know how you could really let her know it would be okay without straight up bringing it up, which could be super awkward. You could always do the not-so-subtle talk about some queer friends or something and see if she takes the "bait."

xo!

Re: I think...

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

You're such a smartie.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

That's the Polish wing of my family! I'm 1/4 Polish, actually! (We just never did any Polish stuff culturally other than a few polish picnics and some pierogi.)

Re: I think...

[evewasframed.livejournal.com]

That's why Pap wants to do me.

[snack.livejournal.com]

well that makes sense then - because ciocia isn't a word you see in any other context (unless you're me, but that's because i have a polish friend & we've usurped the word as a double entendre to its homonym in spanish...)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

we've usurped the word as a double entendre to its homonym in spanish...

Oh Em Gee *dies*

"cipa" is a dirty, dirty word in polish. cheeeeeeeeeeepa.

[dustyskinandall.livejournal.com]

I've gotten my non ID info, and I actually have some other information, but I haven't started trying to contact yet. I'm planning on going through the Georgia Adoption Reunion Registry... but I don't want to start it until I have the energy to do it. A lot is going on right now and I just wouldn't be able to devote the emotional time to it, y'know?
But I am pretty sure she still lives in the neighborhood I hang out in all the time... and I keep wondering if we'll run into each other. Wacky.

[jeffholton.livejournal.com]

I'm scared to point it at myself, Jude.

:)

[jeffholton.livejournal.com]

I thought that was that disease where you can't feel pain.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

You can't be gay! You're in love with Dina and me!

[jeffholton.livejournal.com]

Oh. Right.

Forgot.

Thanks for reminding me. :)