judecorp: (never used to cry)
[personal profile] judecorp
I had five visits scheduled today. With the exception of one, all of them are regularly occurring, same day and time, week after week. Out of five visits, I completed one. The first one. #2 was cancelled, #3 was a no-show, #4 was cancelled, and #5 was answered by the dad to tell me that the mom and the kid were out shopping. GREAT. I scrambled for a lot of the day to tag along on visits with other people to salvage some of my productivity. But I hate doing sneak-attacks on parents just to help my billing.

I then found out, completely by accident, that I am running the intakes/evaluations tomorrow. Usually this is done by the intake coordinator (lots of paperwork) but she is apparently otherwise occupied tomorrow. I found this out by looking at the intake/eval schedule book. Like, where her initials usually are, mine were in their place. Maybe would have been nice to know... on top of that, the physical therapist will not be attending the first evaluation. Which means I'll be doing the intake coordinator's job, the physical therapist's job, oh, and hopefully mine, too.

I also took Punk to the pediatrician at 7pm tonight. (They are open late on Mondays.) She just hasn't been quite right since she had her puke fest last Monday and needed a once-over. He thinks what I think - that her digestive system is still a little tender from being sick, and has also re-aggravated the reflux, and to ride it out. She also tripped over something in the exam room and thwacked her head on the bench. Ugh. Between that and being tired because 7pm is bedtime, oh, the screams.

We got home around 7:40 and I got her all into bed and asleep by 8pm. Now we'll see what the later bedtime means. Her sleep has been exceptionally crap lately and I fear that she will wake up as early as she has been (before 6) even with the later bedtime and thus be exhausted.

I feel really invisible at home, like I'm just a series of functions instead of an actual person with feelings and dreams and needs. And that I'm just set up for failure all the time. Before I went to the pediatrician, I told Jen I would pick up her prescription from the pharmacy but she said she didn't need it until tomorrow. I said I wouldn't be able to get it tomorrow. And then I got home and she asked if I had gone to get the prescription since I wouldn't be able to get it tomorrow. But of course I didn't pick it up when I was told not to - and now I feel like a giant heel for not getting it. And all of the million other things I never do right, or at the right time, or in the right way, or whatever.

Basically, I'm just a gigantic failure of a person at home all the way around. Tomorrow after what hopefully will not be a work day of epic fail, I will pick up Ms. Punkin Pie from child care and bring her home and do the evening without Jen, who will be working. Hopefully that will work out because at the very least, Punk tends to think I'm pretty freaking cool and do okay.

Date: 2008-11-25 02:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sassywoman.livejournal.com
Wish I were there to give you a great big hug!

Date: 2008-11-25 02:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lanewaychatter.livejournal.com
Oh, no, what can I possibly say except I think you are the total opposite of a failure in any dimension at all? That's not really a question, it is a declaration: I think you are the opposite of a failure and I am really sorry that that's how you are experiencing life at home. :(

Date: 2008-11-25 02:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lanewaychatter.livejournal.com
and also: "mrs. cellophane"?

Date: 2008-11-25 03:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wisneysa.livejournal.com
Mrs. cellophane -- like .. from "Chicago"... correct?

sucky days suck.. thankfully the sun shines again tomorrow..

I hope tomorrow is better.

Date: 2008-11-25 03:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rexlezard.livejournal.com
I think you're pretty freaking cool, too!

Are we on for Weds? I'm worried you're too freaking cool for me. :)

Date: 2008-11-25 11:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] starzz.livejournal.com
<3 you - big hugs!

Date: 2008-11-25 12:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] colleenod.livejournal.com
I'm so sorry you're having such a lousy day, but it doesn't sound like you are failing at all. It sounds like some miscommunication at home and failure to communicate at work, and that happens. The work stuff wasn't even a communication failure for which you were remotely responsible.

Hugs. I hope things look up soon.

Date: 2008-11-25 01:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vttwinmama.livejournal.com
ugh! sorry there is so much suckage right now. i hope things improve. when i am feeling overwhelmed and as if i am only a doer of tasks, i try to take some me time. penny and i sometimes take turns on the weekends having 2 hours to ourselves while the other one does kid duty. have you and jen every tried this? it really helps our sanity...and the rule is you are not allowed to do household or kid related tasks during your me time...only things that fuel your soul like reading, walking, hanging out with friends, taking a bath, etc. and sorry about the no-shows at work. ah the joys of being a social worker!

Date: 2008-11-25 01:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kieron.livejournal.com
Hey...I am sorry for the misunderstanding. I do not think you are invisible and I do know you are there living life and doing what you need to do. You are not doing things wrong. Sometimes there is a miscommunciation and this is what it was last night.


Last night was hard on everyone - Punk who had to go to a doctor's appoint at her bedtime, you for having to take her and your crap day and me for having just had unplanned toe surgery and not having eaten all day since I missed lunch for toe surgery, missed dinner and did not eat breakfast.

Date: 2008-11-25 03:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] midnights-sun12.livejournal.com
NO SHOWSSSSSSSSS.
HATE.

Date: 2008-11-25 03:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hetterrific.livejournal.com
I feel really invisible at home, like I'm just a series of functions instead of an actual person with feelings and dreams and needs

Boy do I agree with you on this. This is exactly how I feel. My husband went and played soccer last night while I stayed home with the kiddles. When he got home he told me how he saw one of my friends and chatted with her and he also saw this person and that person. Meanwhile I feel like an overstressed, overstretched, irritable, baby wrangler who can barely get showered during the day, let alone socialize.

Date: 2008-11-27 05:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] carina-s.livejournal.com
BIG HUGS.

Date: 2008-12-02 06:44 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I was sorry to read about your crapper day and wanted to give you a hug!!! Hoping things are a bit better now. You are definitely not a failure of a person!!!! Much love and can't wait to see the photos of your darling little girl! xo

tiff
http://chroniclesofconception.wordpress.com

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