Parenting is Hard

[judecorp]

I am such a pickle for preschool. How can this be? It's freaking PRESCHOOL. It should not be full of drama.

Back in (I think? Maybe?) January or so we started the process to get Punk admitted to a local Montessori school, because we're big hippie Montessori freaks, blah blah blah, it's a good school. It costs a bazillion dollars and in terms of scheduling it was pretty disruptive to my work day, but we decided it was worth it and signed her up, had the interview, paid a bunch of money, etc. (The disruption is that the school's preschool hours are 8:30 to 3:00, any earlier or later are at increased cost that we can't afford, and a typical work day for me is 8:30 to 3ish with occasional days until 4 or later due to mandatory staff meetings, supervision, etc.) I had spoken with my supervisor about how I could accommodate this school and I found ways it could be done but all at the detriment of my job (i.e. leaving at 2:15 instead of 3:00 and losing one client each day, taking my "day off" on Wednesdays when we have staff meetings and finding a way to do ALL paperwork, phone calls, office things, etc. on that day, and other things). They weren't pleased at all but they like me and said it could work. Not to mention that no one is jazzed about the new baby coming in November when I have worked there a very short time and are therefore not eligible for anything like FMLA.

So anyway, a couple of weeks ago I decided to find out when each school (my school system and the Montessori school) starts for the year so I can get planning. I find out that my school system starts on September 1st, and Punk's school begins "phase in week" (with no explanation) on September 8th. SIGH. So I call my supervisor AGAIN and ask if it's going to be a problem if I can't work until September 8th. She says we will "make it work."

Last Thursday I received the big fall packet of information from the Montessori school. And it's true that "phase in week" begins September 8th, but "phase in week" actually means that on the 8th and 9th, the new kids can come to school from 8:30-11:30 WITH A PARENT, and then on the 10th all the kids can come from 8:30-12:30, and then the actual full school days where you can drop them off begin on September 13th.

At this point I start sweating because I can't possibly ask for another week AND I actually have a ton of stuff to do in September and October since I am taking leave in November. So to lose two weeks means screwing my clients over more, because I will be leaving them already to have a baby. I realize, of course, that this is MY problem brought about by MY actions but I really couldn't anticipate this process with the school.

My options right now are to a) do what I need to do for the Montessori preschool and hope that somehow I manage to have a job at the end of it, or b) find a new preschool for Punk that starts earlier. And try not to think about the fact that we paid the Montessori school, in addition to a huge chunk of tuition money (that may or may not be refunded) a $1000 non-refundable deposit. Which is, umm, quite a bit of money to us.

I did some sleuthing and found out that there are openings at the big catholic child care center 2 minutes from my house. A friend of a friend sends her kid there so I already know that they are cool with the two-mom family, so I went to check it out. It is obviously not a lovely, hippie Montessori setting with sculpted landscaping and beautiful wooden materials. It is very average - like "joe preschool." There are books and toys, art supplies, circle time, etc. etc. There is a decent play area with a climbing structure and sand box. It costs less for a FULL YEAR than the Montessori school costs for the school year (Sept - June minus school vacations); on top of that, they are willing to hold Punk's spot in the summers (since I don't work) FOR FREE. And they take very limited days off (just major major holidays). And they are open from 7:00 to 5:30 as part of the daily rate, which is quite reasonable. And they will do everything they can to make a spot for our infant, if we so desired, at the appropriate time. One drop off. One pick up. Not having to leave work early. Etc.

And yet I am still finding this a difficult decision. Why? We love the Montessori school and the Montessori philosophy. We love that community and have friends at the school. The playground there is amazing. The facilities are lovely. The teachers are wonderful. It is so calm and mellow and peaceful and structured. We were going to make it work for a reason. But now... now on the brink of two kids and a potentially lost job (a job that, by the way, I recently switched to because it is super flexible and family-friendly and accommodating and has school schedule, blah blah blah) I have to reconsider. And that hurts.

I left a message for the admissions director (who is also a church friend, UGH) about unenrolling Punk and whether we can get our money back. I am dreading the return call, but need it soon because I need to enroll in the catholic preschool ASAP to keep a spot. Barf.

Barf barf barf barf.

Comments

[tool-of-satan.livejournal.com]

That's a sucky situation.

If you want my opinion, you can have it for what it's worth. If you don't want it, that's fine. :)

[siercia]

Had I thought about it, I might have realized so I could have warned you. Hannah's school does the same thing - the late start has continues to mess with us, every year, and the phased in start was a PITA. At least at ours they didn't want the parent's to come into school, but some kids didn't start school until Thursday that week.

We were lucky that we had an Elisa backing us up who could cover the ridiculous times they thought were reasonable.

I'm sorry your lovely plan for school isn't working out the way you'd hoped!

[lanewaychatter.livejournal.com]

Your title says it all: parenting IS hard. Tradeoffs are hard. It's hard to feel like you have to divide yourself into pieces to satisfy everyone and every situation. :(

[sassywoman.livejournal.com]

Hopefully they will refund your tuition and deposit and all will be cool with that. I think Punk will do great wherever you put her so don't worry about that. I know the Montesorri school is ideal but you have to consider your job and it's not like you're going to put her in some crappy preschool. It would be nice for you to have baby brother in the same school as well and save the money for something else.

Other option which I'm sure you've thought about already but is there any way Jen can get time off to phase in with her?

[indigodove.livejournal.com]

I am just sending you some empathy and sympathy vibes, and I hope it works out for the best. What a lousy hard decision.

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

These decisions are so hard. But I really believe that we have to apply the "20 years from now" test to things like this: will you be saying "I should have kept Punk in the Montessori preschool!" when she's graduating from Harvard? Uh no. ;) If you even remember preschool by that point, you'll probably be saying something like, "wow, I was so much less stressed after we moved her to the cheaper place."

Truly, it will be fine. The convenience factor is REALLY important, and the lower cost is REALLY important, and we are not at all bad parents for placing a lot of importance on those factors. As long as the teachers are friendly and kind, and the place is safe, she is going to be fine. And 20 years from now she'll just fuzzily remember "preschool was fun."

I've several times made the decision to move one or the other of my kids to a different daycare/preschool based on convenience, cost, or similar factors; and never regretted it.

[kjames.livejournal.com]

Yes, to all of this.

[smurfbrother.livejournal.com]

That's really well said.

[calledmara.livejournal.com]

I'm guessing that if the Catholic preschool doesn't cost a million dollars it will be a lot more diverse, which is good in many ways even if it isn't the Montessori philosophy. I have a friend who's daughter got a half-scholarship to a Montessori kindergarten (even with that they couldn't afford it) but she said when she went to view the school she realized that her daughter would be one of the only non-white kids, on top of being a "poor" kid and decided that it wasn't worth it on lots of levels.

I went to a Catholic preschool (of course!) and actually remember a lot about it and really loved it.

[tea-soaked.livejournal.com]

bummer

[rexlezard.livejournal.com]

Sucky situation.

If you really want the Montessori and it's still worth it, have you thought about getting some help the first week back, and then doing phase-in week with her (and getting Jen in on that) so that you would miss less work?

Honestly, it strikes me that the closer, cheaper option is MUCH BETTER for you, short, medium, and long term. The question is, is it that much worse for the kid?

I could take her for a day or two during "limbo week" if that would help, I don't go back 'til after Labor Day.

[enchantedmagic.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I wonder if what we do with school really makes a difference this early on. I know school matters I mean preschool or kindergarden. Believe me- I understand I have been obsessing about Mac's education since she turned a one... but now looking at the prospect of twins- I know I can't pay private school tuition for all 3. I think I might have to find a pre school to give us some aid or something and one of us is going to have to stay home. Until they go to school full time.

My point is- you are a great mom no matter what choice you make. And maybe even better for choosing whatever will give you less heachaches in the future. *hugs*

[oppendonnell.livejournal.com]

Oh, my goodness, we just went through something similar. You may recall my posts (elsewhere) about it. I did All This Research about Good Preschools and we applied and Jeremy got into two. And then....life happened, and we ended up switching gears and deciding to leave him in what is essentially daycare (a place that is comparable, I think, to the way you describe the Catholic place, except alas it isn't cheaper!). For so many of the same reasons: better hours, fewer days off, a spot for the baby, one drop-off and pick-up.

We lost money over it, though not as much as you're talking about. Sorry. :-(

But I really do believe that less stress for the whole family, and more money for the whole family, is very very much in the child's best interests.

[amyura.livejournal.com]

I know how you feel, because I'm non-confrontational like that, but the Montessori school isn't hurting for money, you need this job, and balance is important.

*hugs* and good luck with everything.

[checkingmypulse.livejournal.com]

I totally understand. I so wanted to get Holland into a Montessori daycare but the hours won't work with my job and there take lots of days off, which would be tough to accomodate. Sigh.

[theshapeshifter.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry things aren't working out the way you'd planned... hopefully the 'other' preschool exceeds your expectations and it works out well for you.

[estrange.livejournal.com]

Is there a drop off childcare place you could take Punk to while the school is closed? They used to have this place called the Fun Zone here when you could bring your kid and just pay for the hours you needed. It was watching tv, playing video games & toys but in a pinch & for a few days it would work. Either that or is there someone who could babysit for you?

If it were me I'd probably switch to the other preschool. You have enough to worry about right now with work & the new baby to be dealing with stress about this... plus preschool is short & only a few years - once Punk gets out of it and goes into regular school you'll realize that it wasn't that big of a deal (I know when I put Devin in preschool I was all gung-ho and researching and worrying but with Maia I'm like "whatever")