Viva La Capitalism!

I am disheartened. There's no icon for that, I'm sure, but I am. I'll tell you why.

I took a lovely walk this morning to Lincoln Tower to drop off my contract (YAY!). Apparently, there's a big Gap/Limited clearance sale going on at the Drake Union (which is across the street from Lincoln Tower). Underclass wimmin were streaming out of there in twos and threes with big Gap bags full of recently acquired purchases.

I just stood there, watching them wander away with their arms laden with purchases. Is /this/ what's important? Here I am, spending nights wondering how I would be with/talk to the ones I love if it came to that, wondering how I would get to my Yang, etc. I wonder about violence, and when we will break the cycle of anger and suffering and hurt. I wonder about racial profiling, and hate crimes. I spent half of yesterday afternoon at a meeting with a girl from Hillel so we can co-sponsor an anti-hate-crime rally thinger in memory of Kristallnacht. The Gap was the furthest thing from my mind.

I just felt so deflated. OSU is such an apathetic community as it is (rallies get 30-40 people in a university of 50,000 students)... but this? Le heaving sigh. I am Jack's Fanatic Global Empathy.

So on the long walk back to the Union, past the Biological Sciences building, past Mirror Lake, past the Amphitheatre (you are so totally taking this walk with me, Princess, it's lovely and when it's grey and blustery it is so very you), and toward work, I stopped at each and every worm I saw. Each little worm stretching across wet pavement, seeking moisture, seeking a new place to dig... I picked them up and gently rested them on the grass. So the hoardes couldn't stomp them. With their bicycles and their apathy and their double-wide shopping bags.

When I was seven, I was too sensitive. When I was twelve, I was an overreacter. When I was seventeen, I was in tune. When I was eighteen, I was empathic. When I was twenty, I was aware. I'm nearly twenty-six. Am I all of these things? Any of these things? They call me naive, and foolish, and cowardly. They tell me I don't understand. They tell me I won't survive in "the real world." All I know is this: That I was put on this planet for the little worms and the little humans, for the rivers and the animals and the trees, for the disenfranchised and the alienated, for the isolated, for the poor, for the hungry, for the mocked. I love you, Earth, and I love you, Humanity. Where are the other gentle souls?

I need a phone booth.

So an NBC News employee at Rockefeller Center has tested positive for cutaneous anthrax infection - not as serious as the inhaled infection, and she is being treated and fine. The thought of driving to NYC is quite tempting. Driving east and never coming back.

But right now I want everyone to come here. Mark and Jodie and Lia and Moshe and Rose/Manny/Matt and Dominique and Pam and Kelly and Kathy and Jerk and Pedro and Ronnie and Matante Chrissy and Anthony and Chris and everyone. I want to take care of them, and cook them dinner. I want Jodie and me to go get the ingredients for that punch we made that we drank too much of, and I want to be lightheaded and giggly and smoochy. I want a repeat of the few minutes with Mark at the White Castle in Jamaica that Wednesday, or the look on his face when he spoke to Rose on the phone that Sunday. I want to sit on the stoop with Lia and talk about her writing and her lack of confidence while she clutches her cigarette like a companion. I want to tell Dom that I'm not mad at her. I want to throw a 16th birthday party for Matt, my hubba-hubba, and I want Chrissy to say something Chrissy-like. I want Pedro to sing my "Hey Jude" song to me. And then, after dinner, we can all watch something funny. And laugh and laugh and laugh.

And Jodie will stop crying. And she and I will make plans to explore and take pictures. And it will be good.

Song Lyrics That Scream, "JUDE!"

It's been a while since I've posted lyrics. Whee!

~//~

I should have known you'd bid me farewell.
There's a lesson to be learned from this
and I learned it very well.

Now I know you're not
the only starfish in the sea.
If I never hear your name again
it's all the same to me.

And I think it's gonna be all right.
Yeah, the worst is over,
Now the morning sun is shining like a Red Rubber Ball.

You never cared for secrets I'd confide.
For you I'm just an ornament,
Something for your pride.

Always running, never caring,
That's the life you live.
Stolen minutes of your time
were all you had to give.

And I think it's gonna be all right.
Yeah, the worst is over,
Now the morning sun is shining like a Red Rubber Ball.

The story's in the past with nothing to recall.
I've got my life to live and I
don't need you at all.
The roller coaster ride we took is
nearly at an end.
I bought my ticket with my tears,
that's all I'm gonna spend.

And I think it's gonna be all right.
Yeah, the worst is over,
Now the morning sun is shining like a Red Rubber Ball.