Viva La Capitalism!

[judecorp]

I am disheartened. There's no icon for that, I'm sure, but I am. I'll tell you why.

I took a lovely walk this morning to Lincoln Tower to drop off my contract (YAY!). Apparently, there's a big Gap/Limited clearance sale going on at the Drake Union (which is across the street from Lincoln Tower). Underclass wimmin were streaming out of there in twos and threes with big Gap bags full of recently acquired purchases.

I just stood there, watching them wander away with their arms laden with purchases. Is /this/ what's important? Here I am, spending nights wondering how I would be with/talk to the ones I love if it came to that, wondering how I would get to my Yang, etc. I wonder about violence, and when we will break the cycle of anger and suffering and hurt. I wonder about racial profiling, and hate crimes. I spent half of yesterday afternoon at a meeting with a girl from Hillel so we can co-sponsor an anti-hate-crime rally thinger in memory of Kristallnacht. The Gap was the furthest thing from my mind.

I just felt so deflated. OSU is such an apathetic community as it is (rallies get 30-40 people in a university of 50,000 students)... but this? Le heaving sigh. I am Jack's Fanatic Global Empathy.

So on the long walk back to the Union, past the Biological Sciences building, past Mirror Lake, past the Amphitheatre (you are so totally taking this walk with me, Princess, it's lovely and when it's grey and blustery it is so very you), and toward work, I stopped at each and every worm I saw. Each little worm stretching across wet pavement, seeking moisture, seeking a new place to dig... I picked them up and gently rested them on the grass. So the hoardes couldn't stomp them. With their bicycles and their apathy and their double-wide shopping bags.

When I was seven, I was too sensitive. When I was twelve, I was an overreacter. When I was seventeen, I was in tune. When I was eighteen, I was empathic. When I was twenty, I was aware. I'm nearly twenty-six. Am I all of these things? Any of these things? They call me naive, and foolish, and cowardly. They tell me I don't understand. They tell me I won't survive in "the real world." All I know is this: That I was put on this planet for the little worms and the little humans, for the rivers and the animals and the trees, for the disenfranchised and the alienated, for the isolated, for the poor, for the hungry, for the mocked. I love you, Earth, and I love you, Humanity. Where are the other gentle souls?

Comments

or it could be...

[juliann.livejournal.com]

...retail therapy.

What they are constantly telling us here is to carry on our lives as normal, for to do otherwise is to give the terrorists power over us.

I know I believe in the power of retail therapy. It's always been a huge thing in my life as my parents are -both- shopaholics. Of course they are bargain hunting freaks who never pay full price, so it's not as bad for ye olde budget as it sounds. I know I have been indulging in a few too many bath products, essential oils and linen sprays in the past month myself.

(And now I can afford them, yaaaaaay. My job rocks)

*I* went shopping for clothes this morning. I need them. I didn't buy any because I didn't have any cash (damn my lack of debit card!) but there are some sweaters in the local charity shops that are calling my name and I must have them. My favorite one has about ten holes in it now, too ratty even for the very relaxed (comparatively) dress code of my work.

Re: or it could be...

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Oh, don't get me wrong, I am all about the retail therapy, and the stimulation of the economy (sort of).

But I can't adequately convey the conversations they were having, and the bags and bags and bags. I dunno. I'm overly critical, I know.

For some reason, you buying bath smellies doesn't seem as anathema to me as making sure to have a closet full of trendy clothes.

Re: or it could be...

[juliann.livejournal.com]

Yeah but big sale=good value. If they were really fashionaholics they'd never consider buying goods at the end of the season.

If it was really a good sale you'd probably find me there too. Mercifully all of my fat clothes from last winter (stolen from mom) are too big, but my "regular clothes" are all so old and ratty. Since they were from my student days I didn't really care. I'm still not appearance conscious (I'm the certified worst dresser in the company and I don't care), but..super faded, falling apart at the seams, moth eaten...well I have to have SOME standards :) But the clothes in the UK are so *ugly* that I never go shopping.

It's why I went to the charity shops this morning, the style I like best was in about three years ago, which means it will be prime for this year's charity shops. I live in a posh area where things are thrown out merely because they are out of fashion, not because they are worn.

Score for me :)

But back to the original topic...I can't speak about their conversations and attitudes, but if it's a good sale that's reason enough to be there. Now if we're talking a mere 50 percent off...bah! :)

Re: or it could be...

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I honestly don't know how much stuff was there or what the reduction was... so I won't speculate. But I guess I'll drop it.

Good luck at the charity shops.

[noog.livejournal.com]

*smile* This was a good journal entry to wake up to.

I know how disheartening it can be to try to educate and mobilize people who don't want to be educated and don't want to be mobilized, who just want to bury themselves in the stupid day-to-day shit that consumes so many people's lives. I encounter it on my campus every day through the activism I do. You'd think it would be easier to reach people on a small liberal arts campus. It's not; this college is a microcosm of what you see everywhere else: a few concerned individuals surrounded by people who wish to remain apathetic.

But there are the small victories, the ones that make you remember why you do this. I've received a few of those this week: I saw one of Common Ground's talks for Coming Out Week draw a bigger crowd than any event Common Ground has sponsored since my arriving at college. I saw the panel on terrorism that our antiwar organization set up draw a crowd, and even-- this is unprecedented-- drawing in people from the town around the college. I've been able to give advice to a freshman who has recently realized she is a lesbian.

I guess the point is, keep fighting. Even if nobody sees it, if nobody understands, helping others is one of the most incredible things in the world someone can do. In fact, by ranting, you've helped this idealistic young person: I've been told since I was about 14 that I was too naive, and that once I got older and entered the real world, I would understand how foolish my beliefs were and adopt a less idealistic, more cynical worldview. The fact that you're 26 (which, granted, isn't much older than me, but you have lived in "the Real World," whereas I haven't) reaffirms my ideals and gives me confidence that I won't give in as I get older and abandon my principles. Thank you.

Re:

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I know how disheartening it can be to try to educate and mobilize people who don't want to be educated and don't want to be mobilized, who just want to bury themselves in the stupid day-to-day shit that consumes so many people's lives.

I understand the importance of continuing our day to day lives. As a therapist, one of the best things my clients can do when they get anxious is to keep a consistent routine, to stick with a consistent pattern of living. You can't live your whole life in fear or misery. Of course not.

I /want/ people to do their day-to-day things. But I want them to have compassionate souls. I mean, I was doing day-to-day things. I was dropping off my work contract so that I can get paid, so that my tuition waiver will go through. And then tonight I'm going to go help binkiegirl move boxes. And I'm going to send a "Get Well Soon" card to my grandfather, because he had a mild heart attack. Life goes on. I go on. But I live well. I guess I just want others to live well, too.

And yes, you can be just as naive and foolish at 26 as you can be at 19. I am living proof of that! :)

[noog.livejournal.com]

And there is nothing wrong with living one's day to day life. It can be good for you; at times, it can even be beautiful.

I just wish people would look beyond that every so often. And that they wouldn't view people who do look beyond the day-to-day negatively, who view them as overly idealistic and naive for doing so. That's all.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I think it's easy for people to use words like "naive." So many people are caught in ruts, and these ruts deepen as they get older. They get up. They go to work. They grumble. They come home. They grumble. They go to bed. I think a lot of these people think wistfully to their youth as something out of a fantasy book, something that is idealistic and not meant to last.

So many times I hear people tell me or people I care about, "Well, you're young. Wait until you get older, that changes..." I want to do the things that I love for the rest of my life? Naive! Don't I know that soon I will be slaving away at something I hate?

What it comes down to, I think, is wistful jealousy (as opposed to malicious). Everyone had ideals at one time or another, and somehow, they lost theirs. It makes them feel better to think that /everyone/ loses theirs, that it's a part of growing up. I dunno. Bleh.

[noog.livejournal.com]

I agree-- I think it's hard for people to face the fact that they've abandoned their ideals. They accept that loss as a matter of course, because it is easier than admitting to themselves that they gave up. This is especially true for the baby boomers, who are the ones that tell this to me the most-- they grew up as a generation of idealists, and as a generation they gave that idealism up. I don't mean to sound petty, but I think that baby boomers often begrudge the younger generation their ideals because they weren't able to hold onto theirs.

Youth isn't, as many older people believe, a series of scenes from a fantasy book. Granted, I'm still in mine, but I had a hell of a time when I was younger. I've risen up out of some of the problems I had in the past, and I'm going to keep rising, regardless of what other people tell me I can do. And if that's "naive", well, so be it.

Youth and Problems

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

We remember things better than they actually were. I would bet that if you asked most of these baby boomers and others about their adolescences while they were adolescents, they would remember how chaotic and difficult they were. But several decades down the road, you remember:

a) that you had only a part time job
b) that you didn't have to pay rent
c) that you had less responsibilities.

Therefore, they think everything was sunshine and roses. :) Adolescence is prime for ideals, social action, and activism. You are in your prime. But you CAN keep it into your 20s and beyond. Please do. :)

[noog.livejournal.com]

It's sad, isn't it? People spend most of their childhood wishing they were adults for the freedom adulthood grants them, and then spend most of their adult lives wishing they had the carefree life of someone younger. If people would just focus on the joy of being what they are here and now... but that sounds like a chapter from a self-help book and it's probably not going to happen. Sigh.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

If people would just focus on the joy of being what they are here and now... but that sounds like a chapter from a self-help book and it's probably not going to happen.

TV and movies. They give us a skewed sense of reality - that somewhere, someday, we will find that one perfect thing that we were meant to find all along, that we will know instantly, that it will require no work and will always be sunny and wonderful.

"I don't want to fall in love. I want to fall in love in the movies."

[rizzo41.livejournal.com]

Last night I went to the mall. A woman at work gave me advice on how to get the orange out of my hair, so I had to go pick up various dyes and this and that. I carried on normal conversations (when I talked to anyone, which you know is rare with me. My mom's warning of 'never talk to strangers' stuck a little too well) and mulled over the prices and colors and brands. I was shopping for my vanity. Completely superficial.

I cried on the subway. I cried on the escalator. I did ok while actually in the store, but then I cried on the bus. I'm worried about people, and what is right, and what is going on, and what is going to happen next. I'm worried that I could step into the middle of the next bullseye and my name will be up on a memorial somewhere in the near future. But I can't cower in my apartment, and I can't always talk about heavy subjects. Especially not now. I need to pretend sometimes that I'm still living the mindless life I lead until 9/11. The mayor is begging people to shop, eat out, be out, act normal. All day at work my customers tell me that their business are failing and they have to close. They lost their mother, sister, uncle, husband, child. I don't know what these people were talking about, and I know even less what they were thinking while they were shopping. I know that when I was shopping that what I was saying was miles away from what I was thinking.

Mayor Guiliani is on the radio. Someone at Rockerfeller Center has been diagnosed with Anthrax. They think it was sent to him in an envelope, but they don't really know. I'm *scared*. I want to crawl under my desk and pull a blanket over my head and cry and sleep and I don't want to wake up until everything is over and I can read about it in history books. But what I'm going to do instead is go to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and buy a new shower curtain.

I love you.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

And my disheartenment (is that a word) wasn't a rally against shoppers. I buy things. Yesterday I bought Pop Tarts. I went to class and thought about Child and Family Policy and Clinical Practice with Individuals and about my future, and not about anthrax and bombs and fallen landmarks. We can't sit and stew every minute of every day. I know this. I, too, am making future plans and continuing with my day-to-day and making sure to clean the cat litter box. And you need a shower curtain, since Kim is taking yours.

It just seems like so many people here are entirely unaware - not just about what happened 1000 miles away, or out in the Middle East. These youth don't care that people get beaten up right down the street because they "look gay." They don't care that they don't even know where Afghanistan is, though they are rallying for it to be "bombed off the map." They don't care that there has been a Real Live War fought in this country for years and years and years, the race war, and that people try to pretend it's not happening. They don't care that children starve here even though Sally Struthers is in some "third world" country with charismatically cute children. And they don't care that somewhere, one of their classmates is hurting because of this or another tragedy, and that they could do something about it.

I don't think you're heartless or ignorant because you want to do your hair or buy a shower curtain. I know that you can see past your own nose. I'm not so sure about a lot of people in the world, though... if they can.

Check on the web - the NBC News person who tested positive for anthrax is fine. You will be fine. I am envious of you right now - you are so wonderfully close to so many people I want to touch (yourself included), and here I am in Ohio.