At least it's done.

It's not good, it doesn't fit the outline, and I don't think it's what she wants, but it's done. It also goes over 20 pages (my last reference on my 3+ pages of references ends on page 21).

So I have a paper to hand in. On time. Who knows... maybe she'll like it, even though it's not what she asked for, it has a section missing, I completely made up one section out of my head, and the last two pages aren't even coherent.

It's 2:15am. I'm supposed to get up at 7:20 to go to work tomorrow, but I set the alarm for 8. I'll call Brett in the morning and tell him I'm running late. Still, that's less than 6 hours sleep. BLEH.

It is entirely worth it, though, to have spent the whole weekend without thinking about this paper. I really needed this weekend and it was better than I had anticipated all the way around. You can see Jenn's recap here.

In a nutshell:

Friday I picked up the girls, there was much happy reunioning, and Ani was amazing.
Saturday we lazed, at Chipotle, went to the zoo, and had fondue yumminess.
Sunday we brunched, dropped Jenn off, napped, and did dinner and ice cream with badadam, whod81, pattisimmons, and smithee.
Today I was almost late for work. [insert innocent smile here]

I'm handing in the paper in the morning. And in the evening, there might be celebratory milkshakes with my baby brother. La vida es buena!

Hey, Hey, Hey I'm Guilty!

Do I feel guilty because I'm happy or do I feel guilty because I broke a promise? Either way, I think pattisimmons is right - I don't think I'll feel like this so often when we're not living in the same house. It's the daily reminder that things didn't work out that gets to me... or the reminder when I'm in my house being happy and nauseating that I have this other life that I try to forget about.

I didn't realize I was still even thinking about these things until I was talking to Chaz. My goodness, sometimes it's like we could be stand-ins in each other's life story. There are so many similarities. It's not all that often when you say, "I know how you feel" that you really do. My heart goes out to her, though. It's funny, I sit here thinking, "Maybe my sitution would be better/easier/whatever if it was more like Chaz's" and she's thinking, "I wish it was like Jude's." Funny, but not, if you know what I mean.

Either way, am I going to feel these ridiculous guilty feelings forever? I mean, seriously, I know I'm already prone to guilt (13 years of Catholic school will do that to you) - guilt about the environment, guilt about the injustices of the world, guilt about happiness, guilt about family - feh! I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and I suppose I need to learn to stop doing it.

I tried. I did. For real. Just because I'm happy right now doesn't mean I didn't try to be happy then. I guess I just need to keep reminding myself that.

(no subject)

I think I'm going to start wearing a huge sign on my shirt that reads:

I am not Hope. I am Jude.

Today it was Tamara in Asian American Student Services.

Sniffing carpet cleaning fumes

( Read on if you're bored. I am. )

You can all envy me now.

Cary decided that because I've had a hard week, and because I'm poor, he was going to treat me to dinner. When he called, he had originally decided on the Columbus Fish Market, but changed his mind when we got in the car. We went to Ka Ya Grill instead.

Oh my god, I ate so much food. I had miso soup and a little bit of salad first, and then our sushi came. The rolls were smaller than most, so I was able to eat a good bunch of them (usually they are so big that I get very irritated with having my mouth completely stuffed and stick to sashimi). We had shrimp and crab and salmon and sea bass (ill-tempered) and it was so yummy yummy. Then I had this salmon teriyaki dinner that came with more sushi (tuna and red snapper, mmmm), a peking ravioli, some vegetables, some fried tofu, and some other weird things. Oh my goodness, I ate so much food. Tummy full of fishies!

Magpie, Cary says that when you're out here in May he wants us all to go out and get sushi. (Because of course I was gushing when he asked about you, and well, sushi makes me think of you - and NO RYAN, not like that - because of New Years and because you like it so much.) Yummmmm.

Oh! And I had lunch with mooglegrl this afternoon before she had to work. She's bubblycute. I'm trying to force convince her to hang out with the columbus gang sometime.

Having this evening off is interesting. I don't quite know what to do with myself - like I've forgotten what "spare time" is. I've already balanced my checkbook, paid bills, cleaned my room, gone to dinner with Cary... maybe I will update my resume and apply for some jobs. The Boys and Girls Club near my old apartment in Dorchester is hiring a social worker. Hrm