I think I have a serious anxiety problem.

I just had a really nice Christmas Eve dinner thinger with my mom, her husband, her mother, my brother, and his girlfriend, and I just scored some pretty sweet loot. And on the ride home I was graced with a call from the girl who turns my world. But I'm sitting here sleeplessly fretting about a storm that hasn't even started yet, and snow accumulations that may or may not happen until tomorrow afternoon. And I do mean fretting. My stomach is in knots over the prospect of having the airport close, or having my flight delayed indefinitely until I'm suddenly having to sleep on the terminal floor, and why?

Sure, I'm concerned about missing more work. Sure, I'm concerned about what I would do if I was stranded at the airport. But mostly, the idea that I won't get home to share some holiday love with Jennifer terrifies me with its intense longing. And I'm longing and sad about something that I won't even know about for another 17 hours or so.

I think I need some serious help. Rational Me reminds me that I shouldn't worry about something so delayed and indefinite, and also that worrying doesn't change the situation even the slightest bit. The Me that was a therapist is really good at telling me these things over and over and over. But I know, I just know in my head that when the weather starts up tomorrow, whether I'm here or at my uncle's house or whatever, I'm going to be frantic. Losing control scares me, too.

I want to be home with my angel.

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go.

I'm temporarily done with the anxiety from before. At least, I'm trying to be. It occurred to me that while I might miss time with Jennifer, or time at work, she has more serious things she can't miss and I should stop complaining. I do this all the time - work myself up into a frenzy over something and then realize that it's ridiculous. Usually I just need some time. She's getting very good at this.

My dad gave me a multi-tool that I have to remember to put in checked baggage or I'll be detained as a psychopath. And I feel like a rich girl. I don't even know what to do with it, seriously. There's enough to pay off my student loan. I don't know why this year, or even what to say, because the concept is so out of my day-to-day experience. Jennifer, I'm taking us to San Francisco. And Disney, if you'd like.

We chose 28 December as an anniversary of sorts, and though I'm not usually the celebratory type, I'm looking forward to it. I can look back on the last year of us-ness with no shortage of smiles. Yay.

Tonight maybe they'll pick my Powerball numbers. Wouldn't that be something?