Happy BIrthday, Jenn.

I don't get around to doing birthday shout-outs anymore now that I'm not permanently chained to my computer all day, but there is a very special person out there in the world who is celebrating her birthday today and probably could use a little extra bit of love. Send her a little bit of love, kids!

Jenn is one of the kindest, gentlest, sweetest, most caring and good people I've ever become acquainted with. She and her family are going through hard times and she continues to persist in her strong and honest manner. She spent a long time taking care of her grandmother as she struggled with Alzheimer's and has now been watching her grandmother slowly pass away, all the while stopping to appreciate the joy in a smile or the love in a squeeze. But she's struggling with the idea of enjoying her birthday.

If anything at all, for your birthday, jennbits, I wish you peace of mind, just for a day, just for an hour. You are an amazing person and you deserve an incredible birthday. I love you.

Cross-table-C-spine-Chem-20-Coag-Panel

I finally connected with the nurse case manager at my doctor's office to get the results of the lab work I had at my physical exam over two months ago. Don't ask me how it took so long, because I'm just glad I finally got my freaking health info. I had a bunch of blood work for routine physical stuff (CBC, cholesterol, blood sugar, etc.) and also some hormone tests for the whole no-periods thing. I had suggested PCOS to my last doctor but she didn't really take me seriously, and eventually agreed to refer me for a pelvic ultrasound which showed no cysts. I mentioned that to my new doc who told me that one can have PCOS without cysts. But anyway...

So most of my bloodwork was totally fine which was nice, but I apparently have elevated testosterone. This is linked to PCOS so I suppose it's possible that I have it, but the whole thing got me thinking. How long have I had elevated testosterone? (I've never been tested for this before, only estrogen, progesterone, TSH.) Is it possible that I've had elevated testosterone my whole life?

It's interesting because of all of the gender dysphoria stuff I have going on. Am I genderqueer because I have elevated testosterone? Do I buck the system because I have more boy hormones? Can our identities really boil down to chemicals and molecules? I realize that testosterone can explain acne, and body hair, and all of that... but does it control who I think I am and what I feel like? If my T-level went down to "normal" range, would I be girly? Would I still think the same way, act the same way, dress the same way, look the same way?

She wants me to take birth control pills again. Would fake estrogen and progesterone "turn me back"? Aaah, questions. As always, I'm full of questions. I wish I could just give all my extra testosterone to mostlyhere.

~//~

Also, my cholesterol was higher than it was two years ago, and that makes me sad. I need to get back into some sort of shape, and also stop eating all of the crap that is always at work. I need to talk to Jen tonight and see if a gym membership cost is within our budget. Maybe I'll get a brand new body all around and I'll somehow be able to make babies.