Update on the last 24 hours:

We're in Rhode Island. I'm sitting in my father's office, at my father's desk, using his ridiculously crappy computer.

We're here because my father is dying. In the next room, there is a pillow with blood on it, the pillow he was lying on when my grandfather (thankfully) found him yesterday morning when he didn't answer his phone.

Right now the only optimistic news is that we can still hope and pray for a miracle. The doctors don't really have anything good to say.

The latest news is that he may have had diabetes and not known it. His blood sugar was 1700 when he was admitted to the ER. They also say that the crux of the problem lies in several blood clots in his legs which are preventing his circulation. They operated last night and were able to remove a couple of big clots in his groin area which restored circulation to at least one thigh. Unfortunately it hasn't gotten any better than that and this lack of circulation is straining his already-damaged heart.

I will be picking my smurfbrother up from the airport in a little while. All of my thoughts are with him right now - I, too, know the pain of being in another part of the country in an emergency.

I ask that all of my friends send prayers and energy to my father, but also to my grandparents who are having a terrible time coping with this situation and what it entails. They are simply beside themselves, and Grandpa finding Dad on the floor has certainly not helped with that. It just breaks my heart to see them in so much pain. At least my father looks peaceful right now.

I have no idea what the future looks like anymore. I thought I had it all figured out, you know? We could end up living here and monitoring the Compound before we know it.

xoxo and hug your relatives for me,
Jude

FYI

Dad went into cardiac arrest around 4:30pm this afternoon, not five minutes after we got to the hospital and my brother was able to see him and say hello. They tried to up some meds but I refused chest compressions and other such things last night. By 5:00 it was all over and done with for good. I know he's in a better place than the hell he's been in for the last couple of days. I feel like I can go to sleep tonight, as opposed to last night when I was up waiting for the phone to ring. I hope sleep happens.

I am so, so thankful that we were able to get my brother to the hospital in time. I think Dad was just waiting around for him.

Thank you for all of your kind words of support and prayers. You are all fantastic people and I love you very much. My Jennifer is a saint and she has been so wonderful through all of this.

People keep asking me if I'm okay. I am. I'm sure I'm still in shock or surprised or whatever. I find myself thinking things like, "Crap, I should have told Dad we were headed back to Boston," on occasion but I think I pretty much knew yesterday when I was driving down. I'm sure it will seem more real as time goes on.

I'll sure miss you, Dad. You were my first and biggest fan.