So Jennifer and I had this HUGE talk last night into today about moving, and our plans. It is pretty freaking stressful to talk about these things and I admit that I'd probably rather just avoid the whole topic but it IS a lot better to talk about things when she's right next to me, which is nice. It's awesome to know that though we continue to have our bumps in the road, we've still got it.
So the bottom line of all of our talk is that we've agreed on two things: that moving to Woonsocket would be the best thing for us financially in terms of living basically rent-free. Heck, we could probably bank $1000/month and after five years, that would be 60 Grand, dude. Madness. Also, that it /is/ important to me to be close to my grandparents in case they needed anything or anything happened to them.
We also agreed on one other thing: that neither one of us really wants to move to Woonsocket AT ALL, that we pretty much think we would be miserable there, that we would have a hard time making friends, that it would be a strain on our relationship, that we don't want to be landlords, that we don't want to live somewhere that we're not legally married.
This, of course, begs the dilemma - do we do something because it's financially sound in the short term even if we don't want to? Does the financial ends outweigh the emotional means? Do my grandparents even WANT us to live next door?
The bottom line is that we STILL want to live in Western Mass, and own a quaint older house with a nice piece of land, and have babies and raise them with lots of Northampton lesbian moms, and be married and be home repair girls and organic, crunchy, AP country bumpkins. That's what we want. It hasn't changed.
Sure, we could live in Woonsocket for, say, five years, sell the house and take the profits and our saved $60K and try to relocate AGAIN, start over, meet new people, be the new kids on the block, find new jobs. And I would feel better about my grandparents and we would be in a good financial position.
Or we could sell Dad's place, stow the money, and relocate to Western Mass, find jobs, and use the house profits to put a big downpayment on a reasonably-priced house (you can still score a $200K house there). No, we wouldn't have renter income (no free living) but we wouldn't be living in Woonsocket, either. However, this would mean we were 2 hours from my grandparents, and would I feel guilty if something happened or I couldn't be there all the time? I don't know.
I'm starting to realize that I'm stuck with a huge-ass choice between my grandparents and my wife. Jen is willing to move to Woonsocket but has been clear about how she would do it for a year or so, no more, because she would not like it. And it seems silly to move somewhere (AGAIN) for a year (AGAIN) and start over (AGAIN). Ugh. And while I feel I owe a huge debt to my grandparents because of everything they have done and will continue to do for me, is that enough to cause my immediate family misery? And do they even WANT me to be there for them like that? I mean, I have other relatives (my brother, my uncle) and they're certainly not considering packing up their lives and moving to Woonsocket. What makes me different? Why do I feel that our life is more transitory and therefore less important?
I used to be a really selfish, self-aware person. What happened? I can't believe I'm /still/ considering moving to Woonsocket even though neither of us wants to. With MONEY as one of the reasons. How did this happen to me? When did this become my life?
Eff it. I want the fixer-upper cottage in Easthampton, stat!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
