![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Punking Out
Sep. 7th, 2005 10:39 pmI decided to follow Lyssa's rule (SELF-CARE IS NUMBER ONE!) and not call back the Red Cross to try to get into a training class on Saturday. Part of me feels like a super boob about it since there are a bazillion people who need help and here I am crapping out to work on my relationship. But there you have it. We need more good days in the bank.
But there are those moments when I'm driving in the car listening to the radio, and someone's talking about all of the destruction and they mention the devastation in Biloxi, and then Picayune, Mississippi, and hot damn, I know a girl who grew up in Picayune and what if something happened to her or her family? I can see her face clear as day in her BSA Class A uniform at closing program at Philmont in 1997, but I can't remember her name. Jennifer something, I think - but that's almost every girl my age.
I worked 11 hours today and this has become my life. I keep getting clients who work during the day and what the heck can I do? People need to work. So I need to work. I had been babysitting on Tuesdays (I work late on Wednesdays and volunteer on Mondays, Thursday is Survivor and weekends are Off Limits) but the family I babysit for can't do Tuesdays anymore. Dilemma. The extra money has really been coming in handy. I'm burnt out from working a million hours and working a second job (babysitting) and running a household and running to RI and volunteering. I made a promise to work the HelpLine for a year and it's maybe been half of that... maybe. Yet I might have to talk to Lyssa about stopping for a while, at least until this RI business is over and maybe I wouldn't need a second job to put gas-for-RI in the car.
Self-care is Number One, right? Then why does it feel so lousy? I feel best about myself when I'm making a difference... not like I don't exist except for others, but that part of my self-concept is my ability to help. I need to do /something/ to bounce back. Soon.
(Hopefully will here from HHS about the human services volunteering. I was going to volunteer to help evacuees here on the Cape, but they're not coming, at least not right now.)
But there are those moments when I'm driving in the car listening to the radio, and someone's talking about all of the destruction and they mention the devastation in Biloxi, and then Picayune, Mississippi, and hot damn, I know a girl who grew up in Picayune and what if something happened to her or her family? I can see her face clear as day in her BSA Class A uniform at closing program at Philmont in 1997, but I can't remember her name. Jennifer something, I think - but that's almost every girl my age.
I worked 11 hours today and this has become my life. I keep getting clients who work during the day and what the heck can I do? People need to work. So I need to work. I had been babysitting on Tuesdays (I work late on Wednesdays and volunteer on Mondays, Thursday is Survivor and weekends are Off Limits) but the family I babysit for can't do Tuesdays anymore. Dilemma. The extra money has really been coming in handy. I'm burnt out from working a million hours and working a second job (babysitting) and running a household and running to RI and volunteering. I made a promise to work the HelpLine for a year and it's maybe been half of that... maybe. Yet I might have to talk to Lyssa about stopping for a while, at least until this RI business is over and maybe I wouldn't need a second job to put gas-for-RI in the car.
Self-care is Number One, right? Then why does it feel so lousy? I feel best about myself when I'm making a difference... not like I don't exist except for others, but that part of my self-concept is my ability to help. I need to do /something/ to bounce back. Soon.
(Hopefully will here from HHS about the human services volunteering. I was going to volunteer to help evacuees here on the Cape, but they're not coming, at least not right now.)
