Money woe is me.

Man, am I tired. Guh.

I was up all night with major financial anxiety. All along, Jen and I had been talking about how I should do this 3/4 office job schtick at St0newall because it will be easier, less stressful, blah blah blah... and then the other day she starts talking about how I should work full time to make more money. And at the time I was just confused because I thought we had decided one thing, but I guess it turned into full-blown anxiety in the dark of night.

I feel like I have to take this St0newall job now even if I was offered a FT gig somewhere else because I got the Director to eliminate all of the candidates so I could be hired. I mean, I helped orchestrate Operation: Backdoor and what kind of jackass would I be if I then said, "Yeah, that's not going to work for me, oops."? Not pretty.

I'm just majorly overwhelmed right now. I don't know what is going to happen if we're dipping into our savings to pay bills /before/ I even take leave (unpaid, of course, because I'm not at a job) to have two kids. I mean, don't most people ADD to their savings before kids are born so they have money for leave? I have never not made enough money to pay my bills, and that's including when I was unemployed. I have never had a lot of bills to pay. But now we pay an enormous student loan and it is really weighing on my mind. I just don't know where the money is going to come from.

I'm sure it will pass, but right now moving feels like the stupidest choice we have ever made, because if we were still in Boston I would be at my decent-paying job where I have over a month of sick time built up and guaranteed FMLA time. Instead I will be draining my savings to pay for the damned car and student loan.

~//~

It doesn't help at all that right now the prospect of trying to start buying cloth diapers for two is so infathomable because I don't even know how we're going to pay all of the bills... yet I know I need to start buying a little at a time. It's not like I can bust down to the thrift store and pick those up.

Paint!

We decided to hire a painter to fix the bedroom because it's pretty cheap right now to get folks like painters and it's better to have someone who can come tomorrow or Friday than to try to get it done on the weekend. We had a dude come yesterday to give an estimate and he said he thought he could get it done in 4 hours, so hey, that's pretty cheap!

One thing he recommended was Benjamin Moore Paint which he said was a better quality than the paint we had. He told me where to go get it, so today I trekked into Florence to get this Benjamin Moore paint. I found the closest color match to the color we had and asked for a gallon and a quart, just like I was told.

Holy crap, the gallon was over $40!! I nearly pooped my pants. The gallon and the quart cost $60 together. Which is more than the last two gallons of our cheaper paint. This paint had BETTER work.