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Too much sorrow
Sep. 3rd, 2009 10:29 pmThis has been a hell of a week. My emotions are just... I don't even know. There are just too many emotions.
Yesterday a friend of mine went in for her scheduled induction and learned that her baby had died sometime in the last 24 or so hours. She had gone in the day before for a non-stress test and everything was fine. Perfect, even. How the hell does this happen? I am still super shaken about it, the unfairness of it all but also that awful niggling feeling that you can NEVER be sure that everything is going to be okay. Two years ago, in this same circle of (online) friends, a friend died after child birth from an amniotic embolism. It just brings back so many memories - so many of the same people saying, "Oh my god!" or trying to mobilize.
On Monday my beloved child care provider had a biopsy in her breast after a routine mammogram. Yesterday she was very upbeat and positive, saying that the person who did the biopsy was saying that there was a major increase in biopsies since they switched to a new digital machine. Today she left me a message that child care is closing tomorrow by 2:45 because she has to go in to talk to a doctor right away. To say that I am freaking out is an understatement.
It just seems like I have been stuck in Low Tide since my grandfather told us he had pancreatic cancer in February. Everything is just low, low, low. I feel all washed out and swept out to sea. My sandy shore is full of rocks and abandoned shellfish.
Yesterday a friend of mine went in for her scheduled induction and learned that her baby had died sometime in the last 24 or so hours. She had gone in the day before for a non-stress test and everything was fine. Perfect, even. How the hell does this happen? I am still super shaken about it, the unfairness of it all but also that awful niggling feeling that you can NEVER be sure that everything is going to be okay. Two years ago, in this same circle of (online) friends, a friend died after child birth from an amniotic embolism. It just brings back so many memories - so many of the same people saying, "Oh my god!" or trying to mobilize.
On Monday my beloved child care provider had a biopsy in her breast after a routine mammogram. Yesterday she was very upbeat and positive, saying that the person who did the biopsy was saying that there was a major increase in biopsies since they switched to a new digital machine. Today she left me a message that child care is closing tomorrow by 2:45 because she has to go in to talk to a doctor right away. To say that I am freaking out is an understatement.
It just seems like I have been stuck in Low Tide since my grandfather told us he had pancreatic cancer in February. Everything is just low, low, low. I feel all washed out and swept out to sea. My sandy shore is full of rocks and abandoned shellfish.
