judecorp | Funny work stories! (Reply)

Coworker Jennifer says I must be giving out a "weird hetero vibe." Last week, I was asked on a date by a resident. When he asked, "Is it because I live here in the shelter?" I said, "That has a lot to do with it." When he said, "What about when I get out?" I said, "I just don't think it will work out." A few minutes ago, at the snack machine, one of our security guards asked me to go to the movies with him this weekend. I'll be in Missouri, though. WHAT IS UP WITH THIS? Have I worked at a Big Gay Job^TM for so long that I missed all of this? I totally don't think I'm giving out any "date me" vibes at all...

On a related note, Coworker Ed came into my office to say goodnight. I was cutting out a picture of me from Provincetown. He said, "Ooh, you've got pictures." I proceed to continue cutting out the picture, on top of which is a picture of Jen kissing me on the cheek. He says, "Where are these from?" Caught offguard, and wondering if he's noticed the other pictures, I stammer, "Umm... Massachusetts. Cape Cod." HAR HAR!

Yesterday, Coworker Jenise and I spent the day writing funny emails to each other. We're so funny. I'm bold, she's italicized.

So I guess you can change your voicemail back to just you. I don't want to be a part of your stinky office with your horsey lamp!

Kidding, of course. It would have been fun to share an office. I'll come by and see if I left anything in there. Can't leave any evidence behind!!

Thanks!
Jude

You are mean. You're the meanest person I've ever had to share my office with. My horsey lamp hates you. You're just jealous.

I'll booby trap the door..... and don't you even think a little about taking my horsely lamp. He will not be a hostage!

Perhaps I'll just keep the voicemail to confuse the masses. So there!

because you're stinky
i will write you this email
all in haiku form

i'm glad i'm not in
your office because you have
stains on furniture

besides that, i have
fun SMURF toys in my office
boo hoo - none for you!

so now is where i
laugh at your smelly office
ha ha ha ha ha!

:)

I have a lovely office here,
and I can rhyme real grand.
Haikus are silly, little, drear,
Sonnets are never bland.

I have a window fair and bright,
it lets in pretty sun.
Yours is a dark hole wrought with blight,
and mine is much more fun.

I have a lamp, my horsey head.
I see your jealous soul.
You want my chair of leather (dead).
You want my office, whole.

So go back to your dampened lair,
without a horsey light.
There, it's done and over with.
I've won the poetry fight!

There is a young woman at Shelter Plus Care
who thinks she is brilliant, indeed.
We have the same birthday, same month, day, and year
but she has a problem with greed.

For she has an office, a window, a chair,
a lamp that resembles a steed,
a leather seat possibly made from a bear
and one on which somebody peed!

She thinks she's a smarty, she thinks she is great,
she thinks she is better than me.
With flowery verse she does not hesitate
to show her juvenility.

I have to admit, though it pains me to state,
I'm getting a laugh thanks to she.
Awaiting the next thing that she will create,
abounce in my seat I will be!

There once was a lady named Jude
whose poems were mean and quite rude.
She made Jenise weep
for her mean words did creep
Jenise is now in a sad mood.

I guess this just goes on to show
how far will jealousy go.
Poor Jude soley wants,
Jenise's great smarts
and some of her artful word flow.

But being a kind-hearted soul
I do see her many face-hole
and so understand
she'll never be bland
as a three-day-leftover roll.

I hope when you bounce in your chair
you don't see a big puddle there.
For laughter can cause
some big bladder flaws
YOUR office will smell not-so-fair.

I know now that I must be nice
for school books can cost quite a price.
"Jude is so kind
and she has a sharp mind
and I know that she'll never have lice"

As Annie would say, "I think I'm gonna like it here!"