You gotta have friends, that's what it's all about.

[judecorp]

Times like this, I feel like a really bad friend. I know that I've been busy and self-absorbed and all of that, but I guess I don't always realize how much. Today when I was driving home from work, I saw a guy hobble out of a car. He was on crutches. He looked a little like my friend Bucky (I was driving about 30mph and his back was to me) and was getting out of a car near Bucky's house. It reminded me that I hadn't talked to Bucky in a while, so I called him to let him know I was thinking about him, to say that I saw someone that might be him, and to mention that not only did we need to get together sometime, but that I had to figure out when to go back to volunteering at Kaleidoscope.

He called back, and I couldn't answer the phone because I'm out of stupid daytime minutes. I just checked my messages, and the message from him said that it /was/ him I saw hobbling around on crutches, because he broke his ankle in a bunch of places about a month and a half ago and had to have it pinned back together. A month and a half ago. I feel like such a schmuck. I can't even remember the last time I talked to him. Probably October. Maybe earlier.

I don't know why I'm having such a hard time keeping up with people these days. I've become terrible about answering email, too. Case in point... I've been putting off emailing back this guy I know. The last email I got from him was announcing that his wife was pregnant with their second child (and giving me his address for a holiday card I'm not sure if I sent), and then I got another email today saying that she'd miscarried. It's probably been a month in between emails, and I don't think there's really an excuse for that.

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. I mean, I probably work the same hours as everyone else (40, give or take a few), but the hours I work are so jam-packed most of the time that I'm frantic. Today I went in at 10am, and didn't get to eat lunch until 3:30 - and I was having open hours at the time! (No one needed a CM, so I nuked food and ate quickly.) And I work such wonky hours - like coming home at 9:15pm on one night and having to be in at 10am the next day, so that I come home, do a few things around the house, and feel like I should head to bed, especially because I get up at 8am every morning with Jen. I don't know how it is that I've let everything slack, though. I seem to barely have enough hours to go to work, get a minimum of chores done around the house (the bathroom's been neglected for months, etc.), and be somewhat social. I keep up with people via LJ, but it seems like if they don't have LJ, then I don't keep up with them like I should. I haven't hung out with Former Coworker Hope since Megan's birthday party, the last time I saw Rob was when I ran into him at The Dube, and now this thing with Bucky. *sigh* I'm open to comments and suggestions. I really feel lousy about this. I wonder if maybe I'm concentrating too much time on Jennifer - I mean, I see her every night, almost immediately after work, and pretty much all the time on the weekends. But I enjoy her company.

I wish I knew what to do.

Comments

similar experience

[vorpalbla.livejournal.com]

Yeah, my day was crammed too, hustle hustle hustle from the moment I walked in. Lunch was leftover Pringles.
It is a pain to get home after 9 and then go to work the next morning. And still get stuff done like cooking, eating, chores, maybe socializing. I deal with the problem by not worrying about how much sleep I get Tuesday night. 1 short night a week is not so bad, when other nights I get at least 7 hours.
Speaking of chores, if I don't scoop the kitty litter soon, my carpet will start serving the purpose.

Re: similar experience

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Dude, you scored Pringles from Martha's party? SCORE! I had leftover chinese food, but the microwave at 8th pretty much sucks and it got all mushy, so I had three bites and tossed it. Poo.

Maybe having one night of less sleep would be a good idea. I know that sometimes I do that on Thursdays, since things are (fairly) mellow on Fridays and I can be sleepy with little incident. Maybe I'll try to do that more often. You are so smart.

Some Friday, we should meet for lunch before supervision. You know, if you ever get time.

[juliann.livejournal.com]

Have parties, or schedule events and email everyone local in your address book. That's the only way I can keep up with local people. Even if they don't come, I at least get into an email dialog.

I am not gonna get out much til the weather breaks (so hmm, 4 months) but our house is finally presentable on a regular basis so we're going to start having movie nights. Would do dinner parties but the time/expense + my new diet thingy (starting in 10 days, ack!) make that less attractive. Still having a few people over at a time, we should be able to catch up before too long!

As far as keeping in touch with long distance people, I'm pretty hopeless at it too. I'm trying to be more diligent about leaving my IM stuff on, so people can at least leave messages for me there..which is working a great deal. But for people not on LJ, MUSH or IM, it's out of sight, out of mind :(

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Good suggestions! My apartment isn't really big enough for parties (dinner parties, I mean - I have no kitchen table and a small living room) - but I could have movie nights and/or game nights fairly easily. A lot of times I try to con people into coming to one of the coffee shops near my apartment - that's been pretty successful.

I guess it's not that I'm not social enough, but that I've let some people slip through the cracks. Though I guess the phone goes both ways and I shouldn't beat myself up /too/ much. After all, it's not like Bucky's called me. Maybe I'll email him. That's easier.

I hate IM these days. I turn it on and I get completely and totally spammed with people messaging me, and I get so overwhelmed. I'm almost glad that I can't have it on at work, because I think I would go crazy.

I love you!

[pjgrrl.livejournal.com]

dont beat yourself up over it.. i do the same thing.
i always feel really bad. there are only 24 hrs in a day!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I know there's something wrong with me when I wish that I slept less so I could do more things. But I /know/ that since I've started getting more sleep (Jen sleeps more than I have ever, so when I sleep with her, I sleep more), I've felt better.

Aah well.

[indigodove.livejournal.com]

Don't beat yourself up, first of all.

Casemanagement is d-r-a-i-n-i-n-g. It's part of the nature of the beast. Some days you have nothing to do (rarely, but it happens), most days three people have an emergency at once. When I was doing it, my after-work routine was to go to Ralph's, cook and eat dinner, clean up and fall asleep on the couch while he watched a movie.

I still saw people, but I felt I had little time for anything else.

Honestly, my advice is to do the best you can, and try and make time to see folks when you can -- hosting a movie night or games night can be a good way to do this.

It does not sound to me like you spend too much time with Jen, btw.

Good luck! *HUGS*

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I feel like I don't have the excuse that CM is draining, because there are a lot of stereotypically CM-related things that I don't have to do - like drive people around, like have 100% productivity, like have to go looking for people. Heck, I don't even have /that/ many clients. I'm very blessed in that regard.

But you're right, my days are exhausting. Even the days where I have cancellations or blocks of time without client contact, I'm still running around trying to make copies or put charts together or run reports or catching up on phone calls. And then I beat myself up for doing LJ or email, when I know in my head that I'm entitled to breaks for sanity.

Hosting a game or movie night /is/ a good idea. Then I could see a lot of people at once. That's what pattisimmons does, and it seems to work well for her. I guess I'm just used to being mobile and being able to just take off at the drop of a hat - that's kind of what I've done for the last year or so.

It does not sound to me like you spend too much time with Jen, btw.

Thank you. Your opinion means a lot to me, and I worry too much.

[laughingsal.livejournal.com]

Of all the people I know, you make the biggest effort to be there for your friends. Sometimes I feel guilty taking up your time because you have the superhero attitude of wanting to be everywhere for everybody and I don't like making it harder for you to do that. But I'm selfish and enjoy your company.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Oh, I don't see you nearly enough. Especially if you really are going to move away, WHICH YOU ARE NOT. Not until I do, anyway. ;) Then I'm packing you up in a kitty carrier and taking you with me.

I'm hoping that when the weather is better and there are more daylight hours, that you and I can do things like take walks around the neighborhood, examining the local shops and business that aren't on High Street - the ones that are more tucked away.

But still, I don't see you enough. I have so much damned fun with you, you freakin' floozy tramp. I saw what you put on my grocery list. HA HA HA!

[psychostalker.livejournal.com]

That was me.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

When are you going to break into my apartment and have sex with me? I want your babies.

[psychostalker.livejournal.com]

When you buy all the things I put on your grocery list.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

How on earth are you going to get me pregnant with CONDOMS and a DILDO?

[psychostalker.livejournal.com]

How could I forget the turkey baster?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I have one in the kitchen drawer.

[psychostalker.livejournal.com]

5K0R3!

[laughingsal.livejournal.com]

BTW, I took the "which Donnie Darko character are you" quiz, and it said I was Jim Cunningham! Yay! I'm a flaky perv!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I'M NOT AFRAID ANYMORE!

[psychostalker.livejournal.com]

Go back to China bitch.

[rizzo41.livejournal.com]

Instead of trying to everything, maybe make a pact with yourself that each week, Saturday or whenever, that you will call/email one person that you haven't spoken with in a while. You won't get overwhelmed with all the people who have fallen through, and after a while, they won't be falling at all.

On an unrelated note, I typed that with both hands. YAY! My cast is off and I now just have a sad bandage around my wrist like I tried to off myself. I think it's time to go to Batcave and try to sell off that Vicodin.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Wow - that's a great idea. Seriously. I think part of the problem is that I always think of these issues late at night when I'm tired (read: easily frustrated) and there isn't much I can do at the time. But that's a really good idea. As a matter of fact, last night after I typed that, I answered some emails I'd been meaning to answer, and today I will email Bucky and write the letter I'd meant to write before.

I wish I could go to Batcave with you. There's $128 CMH-LGA airfare this weekend, but I have commitments already. Foo! I'm glad your wrist is feeling better!!

Not Enough Hours in the Day...

[iansha.livejournal.com]

Smurfy:

I have felt the same way as you so many times. (Surprise, that!)
Here's my take: a. I don't care what kind of social work you do, it is /draining/. The people who get into it do so because they are energetic, social, helpful, caring beings (of which you are all!) and the pure nature and craziness of the job taps all of your reserves... even on slow days. b. Relationships. I will agree with lorimelton here. You are /not/ spending too much time with Jen. Hell, you waited this long to have her nearby enough to be with and now you will beat yourself up about it? Don't you dare. c. Even though there are some people with whom your connection waxes and wanes, you are still /out there/ all the time doing stuff. I constantly read in your journal about the Dube, Reacharound's shows, date nights with Ryan, etc. You are not /completely/ shut in from the world.

What works for me? I have a to do list of people's names that I maintain weekly. By one form of communication (IM, Email, LJ, face to face, telephone) or another, I check them off as I have made contact with them. Yes, its anal, but it works (and it keeps me honest ;)

LOVE!

Re: Not Enough Hours in the Day...

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

You ARE anal. But I love you! I think part of the problem is that I /want/ to connect with everyone, but then I get rushed and end up working with who is accessible. I mean, I have plans both days this weekend - with the same people! Why? Because they're right here typing in front of me and they have good ideas... so then the people I'd have to contact, well, they miss out. But I will keep reminding myself that THEY could call ME, too.

Thanks for your feedback about Jen. You're right, as usual. I /have/ waited a long time, and I /do/ spend time with other people. It's /normal/ for me to want to spend a lot of time with her, because I love her and I'm committed to her and she makes me all goofy. I guess it's just been a long time since I've felt this way.

You are a big help to me. *HUGS* Move to California when I do? :)

Re: Not Enough Hours in the Day...

[iansha.livejournal.com]

Yay! Someone who loves me despite my anal-retentive tendencies! :)

You will work it out, somehow. The best you can do is give it your effort. Telephones, IM's, and emails work two-ways. Don't heap it all on your shoulders.

Thanks for your feedback about Jen. You're right, as usual. I /have/ waited a long time, and I /do/ spend time with other people. It's /normal/ for me to want to spend a lot of time with her, because I love her and I'm committed to her and she makes me all goofy. I guess it's just been a long time since I've felt this way.
Awwwww. Man. I want /that/. You are both very lucky.

I'll help however I can. *HUGS* *SMOOCH*
No no, you move SOUTH! :)

Re: Not Enough Hours in the Day...

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

No no, you move SOUTH! :)

Mmm, Savannah.

But next time, /she/ gets to pick. It's only fair. But I can... influence. ;)

Re: Not Enough Hours in the Day...

[iansha.livejournal.com]

yayayay!

Come on! We could sip Sangria by the beach /every/ summer night! :)

Hey! I'm sure you can 'influence' *nudge wink* really well!

Re: Not Enough Hours in the Day...

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I sure do love sipping Sangria with you!

Re: Not Enough Hours in the Day...

[iansha.livejournal.com]

That was the Best Night Ever (tm)!

Re: Not Enough Hours in the Day...

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Awwwwh! :) *blushblush*

<3

[doulamel.livejournal.com]

Are we still doing our road trip to Savannah this spring/summer???

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

It depends how long of a trip it will be. I technically don't get vacation time for one year (though I can borrow some of the first year's vacation after six months), so I don't have a lot of time. But I would LOVE to take a road trip.

Re:

[doulamel.livejournal.com]

Well we'll figure it out!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Okay!