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judecorpThank goodness for days off. I really needed it. Of course, I've got a bit of a scratchy throat this morning (I sure hope it doesn't progress beyond this), but otherwise, I know I only have a four-day work week ahead of me, and that's good. And yesterday was a really positive day. Definitely a good use of a day off.
I managed to go get cat food at the vet, clean the cat boxes, sweep the floors, change a lightbulb in the kitchen, balance my checkbook, put all of my new receipts in, send a check to my father that I'd forgotten about, call my landlord about a mistake he made, get a get well card for my great uncle, walk to North Market to have lunch with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
communista, clean out the fridge, and have Date Day with prettyvacantone. We holed up in my apartment under a blanket and watched the first six episodes of My So-Called Life. What a great date!
My girl came home from work and Brandie had to leave to write a paper, so we went back and forth for a while about what to do for dinner. This proved to be more stressful than it really should have been. I honestly don't know what's up with us these days. Evenings have been really trying - it seems like one or the other of us gets irritated about something and it gets bigger until it's an issue or we're feeling bad about ourselves or something. I'm not really sure what it is. There have been evenings this weekend where whatever happened has left me with my instant reaction of, "I should just be single. I'm not meant to be with anyone. I'm no good at this." and other events that just bewilder me. Days, on the other hand, have been wonderful. It's odd.
Still, I noticed something new. I'm sure it's terribly boring to read my journal - I mean, the past year has been Jennifer this and relationship that. Anyway, I noticed that when I was with A. a lot of issues we had centered around something I perceived that he'd done wrong and then I would get angry at him about it. With Jennifer, it seems like I get upset about something random and then I get angry at myself about it - for not being a better girlfriend, or for not being supportive enough, or for overreacting, or whatever. I'm not sure what has caused the difference. It's not that I'm insecure in this relationship and think that she'll leave me if I'm not perfect - quite the contrary, she and I have both acknowledged that a more true-to-life scenario would be that I would decide that I'm not good for her and I would leave, whether she really wanted me to or not. I too easily play the martyr when I get upset.
This relationship stuff is hard. Last night was hard. But in the end, when it was time to turn the lights out, I was in my favorite safe place and she had been vivaciously escorted into dreamland. I suppose I can check off another night of success.
I managed to go get cat food at the vet, clean the cat boxes, sweep the floors, change a lightbulb in the kitchen, balance my checkbook, put all of my new receipts in, send a check to my father that I'd forgotten about, call my landlord about a mistake he made, get a get well card for my great uncle, walk to North Market to have lunch with
communista, clean out the fridge, and have Date Day with prettyvacantone. We holed up in my apartment under a blanket and watched the first six episodes of My So-Called Life. What a great date!My girl came home from work and Brandie had to leave to write a paper, so we went back and forth for a while about what to do for dinner. This proved to be more stressful than it really should have been. I honestly don't know what's up with us these days. Evenings have been really trying - it seems like one or the other of us gets irritated about something and it gets bigger until it's an issue or we're feeling bad about ourselves or something. I'm not really sure what it is. There have been evenings this weekend where whatever happened has left me with my instant reaction of, "I should just be single. I'm not meant to be with anyone. I'm no good at this." and other events that just bewilder me. Days, on the other hand, have been wonderful. It's odd.
Still, I noticed something new. I'm sure it's terribly boring to read my journal - I mean, the past year has been Jennifer this and relationship that. Anyway, I noticed that when I was with A. a lot of issues we had centered around something I perceived that he'd done wrong and then I would get angry at him about it. With Jennifer, it seems like I get upset about something random and then I get angry at myself about it - for not being a better girlfriend, or for not being supportive enough, or for overreacting, or whatever. I'm not sure what has caused the difference. It's not that I'm insecure in this relationship and think that she'll leave me if I'm not perfect - quite the contrary, she and I have both acknowledged that a more true-to-life scenario would be that I would decide that I'm not good for her and I would leave, whether she really wanted me to or not. I too easily play the martyr when I get upset.
This relationship stuff is hard. Last night was hard. But in the end, when it was time to turn the lights out, I was in my favorite safe place and she had been vivaciously escorted into dreamland. I suppose I can check off another night of success.
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no subject
Date: 2003-01-21 12:17 pm (UTC)I love you very much.
no subject
Date: 2003-01-21 12:31 pm (UTC)no subject
*grin*
Date: 2003-01-21 12:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-21 01:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-21 01:14 pm (UTC)LOL!!
Date: 2003-01-21 02:58 pm (UTC)Oh, and aboot dinner and whatnot. Sure! Whenever you want.
Re: LOL!!
Date: 2003-01-22 07:15 am (UTC)Whenever I want? Hrm. decisions...
Re: LOL!!
Date: 2003-01-22 09:29 am (UTC)Re: LOL!!
Date: 2003-01-22 05:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-21 01:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-21 01:50 pm (UTC)I'm looking forward to seeing you this weekend. I should email you to plan, but I'm afraid of your "spam filters." (Spooky!)
You are the best therapist I've ever had. :)
no subject
Date: 2003-01-21 03:18 pm (UTC)I mean, thank you.
I will email you now, and include phone numbers...we can always plan that way. Also, I will bug my friend who gives me the free account.
no subject
Date: 2003-01-22 07:12 am (UTC)I will hopefully try to call you tonight. But in the likelihood that I forget, I will try to respond to your email and see what happens. Thanks for everything!
no subject
Date: 2003-01-21 03:10 pm (UTC)This relationship stuff is hard.
Why, yes. Yes it is. But in a good one, it's worth it. (:
no subject
Date: 2003-01-22 07:13 am (UTC)And I hope it's worth it. I hope so with every fiber of my being.
no subject
Date: 2003-01-21 04:27 pm (UTC)One reason I have been single for 6.5 out of the past 7 years (besides the obvious) is that I have this reaction pre-emptively--if I ever find myself crushed out over somebody, I just don't do anything about it and eventually I'll come up with enough reasons not to pursue that person. That way no one gets hurt.
no subject
Date: 2003-01-22 07:11 am (UTC)But I /am/ a lot better at being single than I am at being coupled up. Urg. I want everything my way! I am a big soiled brattypants!
p.s. Stop about the "obvious." You're my J.Le!