No more ring dent.
Aug. 14th, 2001 03:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
judecorpI noticed this the other day, but then promptly forgot about it, and noticed it again on the way to the library. It seemed worth mentioning: The dent around my left ring finger is now completely gone.
It fit well, but being a thick sort of ring (and since I have thick fingers), it always squished the skin up under it, especially in the summer, what with the heat and humidity. There was always wrinkly soft skin on the back of that finger, and you could often see a tiny little dent.
That dent is gone now.
That's rather symbolic to me. A lot of the things that I have done (or have happened) in the past month have been particularly visually poignant. But the missing dent comes at a crucial time. Baga and I were discussing whether I was going to try to work things out with A. My immediate response was, "For a little while, I wanted to, but that's over and now I'm done."
That breaks my heart in some ways, like the sight of my hand without my beautiful wedding ring (interlocking oak leaves, for endurance, sigh). But in other ways, it is very liberating. I have grown so much in one month's time, and I know that the growth comes from finding myself as an individual again. In the past almost-six years I have grown less and less sure of myself. This past month, I have felt more attractive than ever - and I think it shows. People all around me are paying a lot more attention to me (and I don't just mean you, Former Noog). Yesterday in R&E, a girl (Stacy) in my class that I only know on an acquaintance level, upon finding out that my relationship was breaking up, said, 'Good. You seem different.'
I am different. The little dent around my left ring finger is gone. The wedding pictures are being removed around the apartment. I have a neat little bedroom with my toys and my things and my dreams and the NYC Subway map and a rubbing of a monolith that Wiggy made for me and a photo of my old crew team. I have plans, and for the first time in a long time, they are entirely mine.
The little dent around my finger is gone. And my hands are stronger because of it.
ObJ: Thank you again for your beautiful apology.
ObK: And thank you for listening all weekend.
ObM: And thank you for everything you do and everything you are.
It fit well, but being a thick sort of ring (and since I have thick fingers), it always squished the skin up under it, especially in the summer, what with the heat and humidity. There was always wrinkly soft skin on the back of that finger, and you could often see a tiny little dent.
That dent is gone now.
That's rather symbolic to me. A lot of the things that I have done (or have happened) in the past month have been particularly visually poignant. But the missing dent comes at a crucial time. Baga and I were discussing whether I was going to try to work things out with A. My immediate response was, "For a little while, I wanted to, but that's over and now I'm done."
That breaks my heart in some ways, like the sight of my hand without my beautiful wedding ring (interlocking oak leaves, for endurance, sigh). But in other ways, it is very liberating. I have grown so much in one month's time, and I know that the growth comes from finding myself as an individual again. In the past almost-six years I have grown less and less sure of myself. This past month, I have felt more attractive than ever - and I think it shows. People all around me are paying a lot more attention to me (and I don't just mean you, Former Noog). Yesterday in R&E, a girl (Stacy) in my class that I only know on an acquaintance level, upon finding out that my relationship was breaking up, said, 'Good. You seem different.'
I am different. The little dent around my left ring finger is gone. The wedding pictures are being removed around the apartment. I have a neat little bedroom with my toys and my things and my dreams and the NYC Subway map and a rubbing of a monolith that Wiggy made for me and a photo of my old crew team. I have plans, and for the first time in a long time, they are entirely mine.
The little dent around my finger is gone. And my hands are stronger because of it.
ObJ: Thank you again for your beautiful apology.
ObK: And thank you for listening all weekend.
ObM: And thank you for everything you do and everything you are.
