Artificial femininity
Jun. 30th, 2003 12:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
judecorpMy doctor is concerned that since I never get my period, I am at risk for endometrial cancer. (I'm not sure, because I don't really know if I build up a lining, but heck, I'm not a doctor.) She said that some council of OB/GYNs has decided that to reduce risk, one should bleed at least twice a year. Anyway, the point of this whole thing is that I haven't bled since the beginning of last August, and she decided that was way too long. So now it's time to induce bleeding. Charming.
To do this, I get to take progesterone supplements for ten days, and then supposedly I will have "withdrawal bleeding." I don't really want endometrial cancer (or any other kind of cancer, thank you very much, it rhymes with 'dancer' and 'you just shit your pants, sir'), so I'm complying. But it bothers me.
I took birth control for almost four years to have periods like a "real girl," and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. For two years, I took a low-dose pill that had more estrogen than progesterone, and I had terrible side effects. So I was switched to a low-dose pill that had more progesterone than estrogen. Same side effects, the worst of which was horrible mood changes - both depressed mood and rapid mood swings, mostly angry ones. It was terrible. I told my current doctor that I would never, under any circumstances, take birth control again. Between the mood swings and the totally devastating changes in my body (larger breasts, and weight gain entirely in the hips and butt, thereby ruining my shape for boys' clothes forever), I still have a hard time not regretting those four years.
So I've been taking this progesterone since Wednesday, and I've noticed mood changes, though nothing as insane as the birth control. I'll do it and get it over with, but I can't help feeling like I'm betraying myself by taking them. While no doctor can really tell me exactly why I don't get my period, other than to tell me that I "am most likely not ovulating" (duh) and "possibly went through early menopause" (doubtful), the fact of the matter is that I have miniscule levels of estrogen and progesterone in my system. I'm a hormone nightmare. And perhaps that explains whatever I am, but that's how I am, and I don't like messing with it.
Grrrr.
To do this, I get to take progesterone supplements for ten days, and then supposedly I will have "withdrawal bleeding." I don't really want endometrial cancer (or any other kind of cancer, thank you very much, it rhymes with 'dancer' and 'you just shit your pants, sir'), so I'm complying. But it bothers me.
I took birth control for almost four years to have periods like a "real girl," and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. For two years, I took a low-dose pill that had more estrogen than progesterone, and I had terrible side effects. So I was switched to a low-dose pill that had more progesterone than estrogen. Same side effects, the worst of which was horrible mood changes - both depressed mood and rapid mood swings, mostly angry ones. It was terrible. I told my current doctor that I would never, under any circumstances, take birth control again. Between the mood swings and the totally devastating changes in my body (larger breasts, and weight gain entirely in the hips and butt, thereby ruining my shape for boys' clothes forever), I still have a hard time not regretting those four years.
So I've been taking this progesterone since Wednesday, and I've noticed mood changes, though nothing as insane as the birth control. I'll do it and get it over with, but I can't help feeling like I'm betraying myself by taking them. While no doctor can really tell me exactly why I don't get my period, other than to tell me that I "am most likely not ovulating" (duh) and "possibly went through early menopause" (doubtful), the fact of the matter is that I have miniscule levels of estrogen and progesterone in my system. I'm a hormone nightmare. And perhaps that explains whatever I am, but that's how I am, and I don't like messing with it.
Grrrr.
