Artificial femininity

[judecorp]

My doctor is concerned that since I never get my period, I am at risk for endometrial cancer. (I'm not sure, because I don't really know if I build up a lining, but heck, I'm not a doctor.) She said that some council of OB/GYNs has decided that to reduce risk, one should bleed at least twice a year. Anyway, the point of this whole thing is that I haven't bled since the beginning of last August, and she decided that was way too long. So now it's time to induce bleeding. Charming.

To do this, I get to take progesterone supplements for ten days, and then supposedly I will have "withdrawal bleeding." I don't really want endometrial cancer (or any other kind of cancer, thank you very much, it rhymes with 'dancer' and 'you just shit your pants, sir'), so I'm complying. But it bothers me.

I took birth control for almost four years to have periods like a "real girl," and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. For two years, I took a low-dose pill that had more estrogen than progesterone, and I had terrible side effects. So I was switched to a low-dose pill that had more progesterone than estrogen. Same side effects, the worst of which was horrible mood changes - both depressed mood and rapid mood swings, mostly angry ones. It was terrible. I told my current doctor that I would never, under any circumstances, take birth control again. Between the mood swings and the totally devastating changes in my body (larger breasts, and weight gain entirely in the hips and butt, thereby ruining my shape for boys' clothes forever), I still have a hard time not regretting those four years.

So I've been taking this progesterone since Wednesday, and I've noticed mood changes, though nothing as insane as the birth control. I'll do it and get it over with, but I can't help feeling like I'm betraying myself by taking them. While no doctor can really tell me exactly why I don't get my period, other than to tell me that I "am most likely not ovulating" (duh) and "possibly went through early menopause" (doubtful), the fact of the matter is that I have miniscule levels of estrogen and progesterone in my system. I'm a hormone nightmare. And perhaps that explains whatever I am, but that's how I am, and I don't like messing with it.

Grrrr.

Comments

[mountain-hiker.livejournal.com]

I hope things work out okay :/

[mayna.livejournal.com]

hm I haven't had a period in over a year. I bled right after I had Maylie (technically not a period), and not since then because I'm breastfeeding. So if it's safe for someone who's breastfeeding and not having periods to not have one for at least 6 months (she's almost 6 mos old, and who knows when it'll decide to come back)... I guess twice a year isn't that bad.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah - I don't get that. I thought that one of the "benefits" of breastfeeding was that you don't ovulate, so you don't get your period. That way, people can naturally space out their kids. Why is /that/ okay? I mean, I don't ovulate... so why do I have to get my period?

[cappucinogrrl.livejournal.com]

Tonight I took the birth control pill for the first time. To regulate my period.

Now you tell me!

[oddharmonic.livejournal.com]

It doesn't give everyone wanky side effects. My mom went on the Pill when she was 18 to regulate her period and didn't have any negative side effects in the six years she was on it. My sister started seven years ago (I did too, but it wanked my naturally weird mood swings) and hasn't had any negative side effects either. Just make a note of any particularly unpleasant side effects and bring them up with your healthcare provider.

I hope it goes well for regulating yours!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Not everyone gets all weird like me. I think I'm especially sensitive to everything because I have really low levels of hormones, so the extra hormones were really felt.

Lots of people take birth control with no problems for a long, long time.

[oddharmonic.livejournal.com]

The formulations of the Pill I've tried did awful things to my moods too, although I'm already pretty moody without any drugs. Prior to my recent bleeding, I'd been a 2-4x/year bleeder and was told I didn't ovulate because of my weight. I've always believed it, but I've been at my current weight for three years so I'm not sure what's going on now.

Hope your bleeding experience is swift and not too uncomfortable. *hugs*

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Because your weight was too low?

We're not just friendly, we're twins

[pica-nc.livejournal.com]

You have my uterus.

We share the exact same medical condition. And that scares me.

It was early menopause for me. Only my incredibly low hormones spell out PCOS and "probably cancer."

Progesterone made me wacky. BC wasn't strong enough. It's scary, especially since the doctor says, "the good news is your excessive weight is from the fact that your adrenal and pituitary glands don't function, not because you are a sloth." (obvously she didn't say it like that and she can spell.)

So yeah. We can have a hysterectomy party. I'll buy the beer.

We're not just friendly, we're twins

[starzz.livejournal.com]

I started going through menopause too, had all the adrenal gland and pituitary gland tests, those were fine. ugh. had lots and lots of tests run, they finally threw up their hands and I started taking Yasmin (birth control) and have had a period ever since.

We're not just friendly, we're twins

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

When I took BC pills, they worked. I got my period every month and everything, though it wouldn't always start at the same time of the week. (Weird) By the time I stopped taking it, I was getting my period for 2 days, and even that was superlight. So I don't think I build up a lining.

Although, last summer I got my period in June and it was /so/ heavy I thought I was going to die. It was scary! I don't know what's up with me.

I went to a reproductive endocrinologist and was never told I had PCOS. I think at the time, the RE said I had a slightly elevated level of prolactin that kept me from ovulating, but not enough to make milk. I had an MRI to rule out a pituitary adenoma. (Didn't have one.)

We are the "broken" twins!

We're not just friendly, we're twins

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

If we get hysterectomies, can they take the boobs, too? Please?

[jeffholton.livejournal.com]

Not sure if I'm qualified to comment here, but from what I've heard/read, it is indeed a problem not to shed your uterine lining from time to time, given that it is intended to be there temporarily.

Apparently, like pasteurized milk and Strom Thurmond, it has an expiration date.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I can totally see the point of it. I just wonder how I know if I even BUILD up a lining. I mean, if I did, wouldn't I then eventually start gushing?

[therewaslight.livejournal.com]

I started taking the Pill when I was sixteen and proceeded to take it regularly for a year. And then I stopped. I wasn't having sex. I was actually still a virgin (in some sense of the word). I wasn't regularly dating the same person anymore, and I knew I wouldn't have random sex. And then we started seeing each other again, and, well. Yeah. I eventually went back on the pill because I wasn't a virgin anymore. Before the pill my periods were literally every 18 days for almost two weeks. When I finally stopped taking the pill last year, my period suddenly turned into the "proper cycle." It's shocking. I've heard of other people having theirs turn into a "proper cycle" when it wasn't like that at all before. You could look into various methods of it. My sister had endometriosis, followed by induced menopause after the birth of her last child, and then a full hysterectomy when it turns out her scar tissue from the endometriosis surgery had precancerous cells. If you stay on top of it, you should be fine. Unfortunately I know far too many lesbians of various ages that don't have annuals because they figure they just don't need them, and that's so messed up. While you may not want a regular period, you'd at least be healthy. And you know, maybe you'd get knocked up by the grace of God (wouldn't that mess up your world!)
/end ramble

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I have my innards checked annually. :) But thanks for the reminder! You are so right about how a lot of lesbians don't get checked!

I don't ever want those hormones in my body ever again.

[akwardsilences.livejournal.com]

Have you checked with other doctors and/or done a lot of reading up on it?

It seems that with those types of drugs doctors seem to just make guesses on what to prescribe and hope it works. Like.. they don't really know how to fix the problem so they throw drugs at it until something works or the patient stops coming back. But unfortunately those types of drugs (like hormonal and mood drugs) can have lasting and devastating effects - they should be so much more careful with them.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

The progesterone thing is just temporary... you take the pills for a week or so, and then when you stop, you're supposed to start bleeding.

Of course, I'm sort of starting now, but still taking the pills. WTF?

[chemicallyblu.livejournal.com]

How odd.. the bleeding that is. My period is quite worrysome as well. I bleed for about 48 days and then I wont for like 3 months or so, then back at it again. At least that was the way it was up till 3 months ago. Then I bled for 3 days and didnt have my period again till last month and I bled that time for 21 days. The only doctor to actually do any real tests for it said that it was due to the fact that I have Polycystic Ovaries.. basically its not my ovaries at all.. it is my uterus and what that all means is that I have a seperation in my uterus.. it acts as if i have two.. a nice little "film" that sperates my uterus and makes it impossible to have children unless i have an operation that costs some WAY too much amount.

ok i have babbled.. im sure you arent to interested in it all.. but yeah

oh yeah. I am april (aka the BLU) I added you cause i found you interesting and its always nice to have another "lesbian" on my friends list.
so Hello

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

You bleed for 48 days??!?! I WOULD DIE!

Hello!

[kymberlia.livejournal.com]

Egads. Same as cappucinogrrl, I just started taking birth control last week. As someone who has dealt with depression before, I hope this doesn't whack with my emotions. :(

(Just reading through random journals, friends of friends and all that; hope you don't mind me posting.)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Just keep an eye on your emotions, and keep your doctor updated, and you will be fine.

Hi. :)

[thatpatti.livejournal.com]

it's a good thing you're not a memeber of making_babies - we wouldn't know what the heckt o do with you! :P

seriously, though, that's got to be annoying. particularly when you don't really *care* if you're not bleeding. i mean, really - it almost seems like a good thing, but i guess it's not.

lemme know when you want to get together!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Hee! I was actually told by a reproductive endocrinologist when I was 20 to "come back when I wanted to get pregnant." So I guess she was thinking she could do something, like induce ovulation or something.

Who knows? I don't ever need to find out. :)

[doulamel.livejournal.com]

Yeah I'm still waiting on mine so I can start birth control so that I don't have to get one every month. How messed up is that? But it's late, so maybe Mel got me pregnant.

[jadefu.livejournal.com]

Actually, the cancer risk has been shown in studies....but I wouldn't trust a regular doctor to just give you the advice then give you the drugs. A reproductive endocrinologist is THE expert on the female plumbing system, and also knows all the ins & outs of trying the different mixes of bc pills, since some cause side effects for some gals, some don't, etc.

And I'm another slapped with PCOS, but I've been lucky enough to find the R.E. considered THE expert in it in western MA, and since I've started to see her, my health has flipped around a lot.

[poopsmoothie.livejournal.com]

I'm about to do the same thing. I have mixed feelings about it all.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

It really screws with my head. I mean, I really /do/ believe that my hormone composition plays a part in how I perceive myself and how I turned out. The was I was in the four years I was on BC was /so/ unlike me that I really really wonder about that now. So weird.

My body was fine before I put all of those hormones in it. And now I'm uncomfortable in it. And that makes me sad.

[shimmer427.livejournal.com]

they called mine pcos. i'm on birth control so i bleed. i have this buildup of fluid in my ovaries, they don't think there will ever be little beaky's running around.

i do it to stop the cancer, too, although they're not sure it'll work. cancer runs rampant through our family tree.

i have problems inside my head, so they put me on other medications and i guess i never noticed the birth control giving me mood swings.

i hate no easy answer.

[jeffholton.livejournal.com]

Have you stopped by http://www.pcos.net ??

There's lots of good information there. Depending on the severity of it, a daily dose of glucophage may be all you need to start dealing with and reversing it. It apparently can be very treatable, from what I understand.

[(Anonymous)]

i like the way you are mommy.

crena
aka upsoclose (http://www.livejournal.com/users/upsoclose)

[rachelmichellek.livejournal.com]

We probably have talked about this already, but did you ever read up on PCOS or get a diagnosis of it? I feel like I have asked you this before but I don't remember what you said. But maybe check pcosupport.org and soulcysters.net about not ovulating, other symptoms, endometrial lining questions, etc.

[rachelmichellek.livejournal.com]

Oh. Duh. I didn't read the other comments before I typed the above.