Televised Biphobia
Aug. 20th, 2003 12:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
judecorpI'm currently irritated with "Boy Meets Boy." This is a shame, because I also derive so much guilty pleasure from it. I mean, I get to ogle tasty boys (and laugh at them at the same time), I get to be envious of their haircuts, I get to test my gaydar, and I get to make fun of Andra. These are all pluses, and because of this I, too, have been sucked into the world of Reality Television. But I am irritated.
Now, I know that Michael proved to be straight in the end, but he was presenting as bisexual for the purpose of the show, and he was "honest" about it (by this I mean, he /said/ he was bisexual, and stood by it, even though it wasn't true). I was appalled by the reactions of the rest of the guys. They immediately cast their suspicions on his motives, even though the cast members don't know (except for the straight ones, I guess) that some of the mates are straight. They asked all sorts of qualifying questions to test his queerness: How many men have you slept with? When was the last time you slept with a woman? and then Why are you on this show?
I'm really tired of biphobia from the gay community. We talk all the time about the Kinsey scale, and we use this as justification for our assumptions that there are more queer people out there than we can statistically take credit for. We talk about how rare the "true heterosexual" is, how nearly everyone has some same-sex desire, yet we shun bisexuals at the same time. Perhaps we're envious or angered by their ability to "blend in" to straight society when they are in opposite-sex relationships. But perhaps we're just plain stupid.
There are just as many people on the "totally gay" side of the Kinsey scale as there are on the "totally straight" side (a number we like to remind the population is very small). How many people in same-sex relationships have been in previous relationships with members of the opposite sex that were fulfilling, whether emotionally, physically, or both? I know I have. It would do my exes /and/ myself an incredible disservice if I chose to deny the emotions felt, the connections made, the valiant attempts at something big. It would do us all wrong to deny the ways these interactions have carved and honed my personality, my inner self.
If I ever have another romantic relationship after Jennifer, and that relationship is with a male-identified person, that doesn't, in any way, cheapen the love we shared, the bond we formed with our words and our hearts and our bodies. Just as my relationship with her does not erase, eliminate, or lessen the ties I formed with my ex-husband, my ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, or ex-trannies. It doesn't change who I am, or my queerness, or how I see myself. It doesn't change the boystuff and the girlstuff inside me, and it doesn't change the fact that I am still somewhere in the middle of that Kinsey soup.
And you know what? That guy Michael, even though he was outed as "straight" when he was eliminated? He's got to be in that soup somewhere too, just to have the balls to be on that show, and the balls to say outloud in a room full of gay men and a hawkish television audience, the word 'bisexual.' And to stand by that claim. Bravo, Michael. I do believe that one benefit of this show is to educate mainstream society about gay men and to confront stereotypes. But I think the show's microcosm of Our Community could use a little education, too.
(Maybe later I'll rant about my other irritations with the show, even as I'm captively awaiting the next episode.)
Now, I know that Michael proved to be straight in the end, but he was presenting as bisexual for the purpose of the show, and he was "honest" about it (by this I mean, he /said/ he was bisexual, and stood by it, even though it wasn't true). I was appalled by the reactions of the rest of the guys. They immediately cast their suspicions on his motives, even though the cast members don't know (except for the straight ones, I guess) that some of the mates are straight. They asked all sorts of qualifying questions to test his queerness: How many men have you slept with? When was the last time you slept with a woman? and then Why are you on this show?
I'm really tired of biphobia from the gay community. We talk all the time about the Kinsey scale, and we use this as justification for our assumptions that there are more queer people out there than we can statistically take credit for. We talk about how rare the "true heterosexual" is, how nearly everyone has some same-sex desire, yet we shun bisexuals at the same time. Perhaps we're envious or angered by their ability to "blend in" to straight society when they are in opposite-sex relationships. But perhaps we're just plain stupid.
There are just as many people on the "totally gay" side of the Kinsey scale as there are on the "totally straight" side (a number we like to remind the population is very small). How many people in same-sex relationships have been in previous relationships with members of the opposite sex that were fulfilling, whether emotionally, physically, or both? I know I have. It would do my exes /and/ myself an incredible disservice if I chose to deny the emotions felt, the connections made, the valiant attempts at something big. It would do us all wrong to deny the ways these interactions have carved and honed my personality, my inner self.
If I ever have another romantic relationship after Jennifer, and that relationship is with a male-identified person, that doesn't, in any way, cheapen the love we shared, the bond we formed with our words and our hearts and our bodies. Just as my relationship with her does not erase, eliminate, or lessen the ties I formed with my ex-husband, my ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, or ex-trannies. It doesn't change who I am, or my queerness, or how I see myself. It doesn't change the boystuff and the girlstuff inside me, and it doesn't change the fact that I am still somewhere in the middle of that Kinsey soup.
And you know what? That guy Michael, even though he was outed as "straight" when he was eliminated? He's got to be in that soup somewhere too, just to have the balls to be on that show, and the balls to say outloud in a room full of gay men and a hawkish television audience, the word 'bisexual.' And to stand by that claim. Bravo, Michael. I do believe that one benefit of this show is to educate mainstream society about gay men and to confront stereotypes. But I think the show's microcosm of Our Community could use a little education, too.
(Maybe later I'll rant about my other irritations with the show, even as I'm captively awaiting the next episode.)
