But today I'm really sure I don't wanna crawl no more.

[judecorp]

I was having a really interesting conversation with a young person at the youth group where I volunteer last night. I've been worried about this young person off and on because there always seems to be a lot of drama and heartache in the general surrounding area, and because (I guess) I only hear about the bad things. The thing is, I really like her quite a bit, and have a good dollop of respect for her, but it never comes out that way because of all of the drama. (Since I try to avoid drama, I don't get involved as much as maybe I should.)

But we got to talking about friendships, and when you know a friendship is over, and how you go about deciding when you have to let a friend go. It was very insightful, and while it's not often that I admit that I learned something from someone whose age ends in -teen, I admit it today. I think, in this arena, she's ahead of me. I tend to chomp onto a friendship and refuse to let it go even when it's absolutely, positively, without-a-doubt over. I mean, someone can say to me, "I have nothing to say to you ever again," and I'll still be there trying (like an idiot). I wonder if I ever really do get to a point where I've let go... but I doubt it. It's like I always leave the door open, just in case.

And while I sometimes envy the people who /can/ let go when there's really nothing to hold onto, I'll never understand those people who will cut off several people instead of, say, the one who should be cut off. One of the things I remember fondly from when A. and I broke up was when siercia and scirocco let me know that they supported me unconditionally, but wouldn't stop being friendly with A. I was really glad for that, because there was no reason for them not to be, and I appreciate people who are mature enough to be able to juggle multiple independent friendships like that - just like those friends of his who let me know that they still wanted to keep in touch with me. I would hate for one of Jennifer's friendships to suffer because someone had an issue with me, or vice versa. That's so totally unfair. Apples and oranges, baby.

Comments

[whirledpeas.livejournal.com]

You are a wise one, my friend. I have the same issues with friendships, but I think I put a lot of SOMETHING into friendships. Hope? Trust? I don't know.

I like your apples.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I tend to form the closest friendships with people who /also/ give lots and lots and lots in friendships. So I usually end up with a combination of two people who are pouring all kinds of energy into a coupling, which leads to really rewarding friendships /or/ really explosive arguments. I wish I could find a happy medium.

I find friendship with you exceptionally satisfying, except that we don't have a lot of time to really talk. I liked that one lunch we went to.

I like your apples.

Dude, are you checking out my rack?

p.s. I love that you always use the 'wake up little sushi' icon in my journal because I mentioned that I love it. :)

[whirledpeas.livejournal.com]

My and what rosy apples they are.

I completely understand your connection with friendships. I am the same way and unfortunately I found that I was really getting burned for a while. I had to realize that I expect so much from friendships but never let my friends know that - so when they didn't call me back, or when *I* became the only one calling them...I got really upset and haughty.

That was a good thing to realize and process in my Group Therapy class - had to pick something, so I went at that one.

I also find that I don't really become good friends with anyone unless I KNOW that we could have an explosive argument and still come out on top of the other side of it. I don't want a friendship where I dominate...I want someone I can spar with. You know?

You're a good friend. I like you. Let's do lunch again. Wait - you're starting work.

I can bring you lunch!!!!!! How fun is that!!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I also find that I don't really become good friends with anyone unless I KNOW that we could have an explosive argument and still come out on top of the other side of it. I don't want a friendship where I dominate...I want someone I can spar with. You know?

Absolutely. I don't want a friend who is afraid to grow!

We should definitely find a way to do lunch when I am working. We will work it out.

I wish you could go to lunch today. It's my last day of freedom!

[antipixie-karee.livejournal.com]

Speaking of work... I thought you were starting this passed Monday.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I was supposed to, but somehow that got screwed up. So it's this coming Monday instead.

[jeffholton.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure about cutting ties.

Remember my earlier comment in your journal about my feelings on love and gender and sexuality and marriage and friendship.

I'm not at all convinced that love in friendship is any different in SUBSTANCE than love in marriage, dating, or any other commitment. I think it is different in INTENSITY, and perhaps (either because of the intensity or merely in coincidence) in *expression* as well.

But it's the same love.

And love tends to hold on. And it should.

Love is like that.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

I agree with you, in my heart.

But my heart is tired of getting hurt when people decide not to work through things, and instead just choose to shut you off.

So I think I need to learn how to do it, too. Like in any relationship, I can only control one half of the variables. Mine. So that's what I need to do.