From 0 to 207
Jan. 12th, 2004 12:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
judecorpThe other day when I realized that Curt, the most adorable teenage boy in the universe, now has a livejournal, I also noticed that this journal is currently on the friends lists of 207 people. Sure, some of those journals are now defunct or not in use, but still. Wow. 207. I remember hitting 100 when I was in grad school and thinking, "This is the big time." I get teased quite a bit about being a LiveJournal "rock star," and I usually just go along with it and yuk it up, because really, let's be honest here, I eat that crap up with a spoon. (Mmmmm, feces.)
Today while I was driving to a client's house it struck me that 207 is a ridiculously huge number. I mean, could you imagine how histrionic I would sound if I went up to someone on the street and said, "I have 207 friends"? Yes, I know this is LiveJournal and reading a journal does not equate with friendship, but still. You get the point.
Not only is 207 a ridiculously huge number, but I was such a sad and bumbling pre-teen and early adolescent and I would never in a million years have imagined that someday someone would tease me about being a rock star, or having some sort of bizarre internet presence. In elementary school, I had the self-esteem of a walnut. A walnut with particularly low self-esteem, even. I had a couple of friends on and off, including my friend Natalie whom I actually got to see when Jennifer and I went to Disney. But ours was a friendship of chaos, since she had the self-esteem of /two/ walnuts, so whenever she thought someone would hate her for befriending me, she would stop. Go go 11-year-olds.
When I was in the 6th grade, I invited every girl in my class to a slumber party at my house for my birthday. I carefully handwrote invitations. In very Peter Brady fashion, no one came. I can hardly remember the rejection I felt, but I'm sure it was harsh. After that point, I think I vowed for a time to not be friends with any girls ever, to escape their cattiness and rough it out with the boys instead.
I never had another year like 6th grade where I felt like I was friendless, but it wasn't until 11th or 12th (the era of "The Posse") grade that I really felt like I mattered to people, that people liked my company, that people wanted to get to know me. But even then, even standing in front of my senior class giving me a standing ovation for being the biggest nyerd of the year, le prix d'excellence, I would never have imagined this, and not just because I had no concept of the Internet.
Heck, even after I /had/ discovered the Internet, on the border between 17 and 18, when I learned that there were boys and girls all around the country that found me attractive and interesting, when I learned that in the world of nyerds, I had a shot at 90210 popularity, I still would have never imagined this.
Wow, LiveJournal. 207 people have my silly updates on their pages. Supposedly a rock star, but really, I'm just some nyerd with a fuzzy head, a nice rack, and a lot of opinions who once threw a party to which nobody came. Thanks for the wild ride. It continues to be a learning experience.
Oh, and world peace.
Today while I was driving to a client's house it struck me that 207 is a ridiculously huge number. I mean, could you imagine how histrionic I would sound if I went up to someone on the street and said, "I have 207 friends"? Yes, I know this is LiveJournal and reading a journal does not equate with friendship, but still. You get the point.
Not only is 207 a ridiculously huge number, but I was such a sad and bumbling pre-teen and early adolescent and I would never in a million years have imagined that someday someone would tease me about being a rock star, or having some sort of bizarre internet presence. In elementary school, I had the self-esteem of a walnut. A walnut with particularly low self-esteem, even. I had a couple of friends on and off, including my friend Natalie whom I actually got to see when Jennifer and I went to Disney. But ours was a friendship of chaos, since she had the self-esteem of /two/ walnuts, so whenever she thought someone would hate her for befriending me, she would stop. Go go 11-year-olds.
When I was in the 6th grade, I invited every girl in my class to a slumber party at my house for my birthday. I carefully handwrote invitations. In very Peter Brady fashion, no one came. I can hardly remember the rejection I felt, but I'm sure it was harsh. After that point, I think I vowed for a time to not be friends with any girls ever, to escape their cattiness and rough it out with the boys instead.
I never had another year like 6th grade where I felt like I was friendless, but it wasn't until 11th or 12th (the era of "The Posse") grade that I really felt like I mattered to people, that people liked my company, that people wanted to get to know me. But even then, even standing in front of my senior class giving me a standing ovation for being the biggest nyerd of the year, le prix d'excellence, I would never have imagined this, and not just because I had no concept of the Internet.
Heck, even after I /had/ discovered the Internet, on the border between 17 and 18, when I learned that there were boys and girls all around the country that found me attractive and interesting, when I learned that in the world of nyerds, I had a shot at 90210 popularity, I still would have never imagined this.
Wow, LiveJournal. 207 people have my silly updates on their pages. Supposedly a rock star, but really, I'm just some nyerd with a fuzzy head, a nice rack, and a lot of opinions who once threw a party to which nobody came. Thanks for the wild ride. It continues to be a learning experience.
Oh, and world peace.
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Date: 2004-01-12 10:35 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2004-01-12 11:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-01-12 10:40 am (UTC)are you calling me a nerd?!
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Date: 2004-01-12 11:05 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2004-01-12 11:30 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2004-01-14 06:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-01-12 11:30 pm (UTC)I wish there was a way we could all go back and tell our adolescent selves that it really does get better. At fourteen, alone and teetering on the brink of suicide, I would have appreciated that knowledge.
no subject
Date: 2004-01-14 06:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-01-12 11:32 pm (UTC)I quit doing parties after my non-sweet 16 party; the only ones I've been to since I've been paid to (facepainting or supply-wrangling at larger parties). My sister's happy to throw parties for Laurel, so it works out and I can stay safely behind the camera.
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Date: 2004-01-14 06:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-01-13 03:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-01-14 06:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-01-13 09:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-01-13 10:06 am (UTC)It's funny, I used to be hampered by my complete lack of self esteem and inability to talk to anyone. Now that I've finally dealt with those things (though I still find it hard to talk to people sometimes) I am hampered by my roles in life (mother, employee, student), and by inability make last minute plans or get a babysitter.
I was always socially challenged, and I think I still am (I *still* throw parties and no one shows up), but at least I don't feel so alone.
You are one of my few friends, and knowing you really enriches my life. And you ARE a rockstar, and you *ROCK* at it.
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Date: 2004-01-14 06:24 am (UTC)I would say that I always show up to your parties, but I know I've missed a couple! But whenever I go, I have fun. I love you the mostest ever, and every time I spend time with Scott, I like him more and more. (Watch out, I'm moving after your husband! ROWR!)
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Date: 2004-01-13 07:28 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2004-01-13 07:29 pm (UTC)