Number 54 - The house with a bamboo door
Sep. 3rd, 2001 09:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
judecorpGood morning, campers!
I ended up writing a little whiny email to Mark saying that I missed him. I am such a sap sometimes. But when I was getting into it with A. last night, I really could have used what he had to say on the issue.
A. was spitting out all the venom last night. I probably started it. But I hate that moral high ground crap. I am /not/ going to be 'properly conciliatory' about any of this. Nope. (Obscure reference. Don't worry.) It's amazing what that boy will come out with sometimes, so that he doesn't have to face his own issues. Last night, I took his pride and his spirit from him, he says. (I guess this is added to his strength and his manhood, which he said I took a few weeks ago.) Who am I that I supposedly have all of this power to take all of these things away from someone? And why would I do such a thing? I wonder if he knows how hurtful these words are. Took his spirit... please. If he lost his spirit, that is a shame (and I do believe he has), but to use me and our relationship as a scapegoat for it is preposterous. Ridiculous. Crazy. Feh.
A few weeks ago when he started with the, 'you never let me be the strong one' stuff, Mark told me that it was probably because I intimidate him, that I am too strong for him. I don't know, though. I wasn't feeling all that strong last night. My family is really leaning into me with the 'you need to give him a second chance, you heartless girl' type stuff, and it's started to wear me down. And I'm lonely. Goodness, but I'm lonely. I hate feeling like that, though. I'm a firm believer that I should 'plant my own garden instead of waiting for someone to give me flowers.' I am. And I do. Sometimes, though, you just want someone to say, 'I understand.' And mean it, of course.
In a couple hours I'll train up to Quincy to go to my little BBQ, and that will be much fun. I've packed up my stuff for the night and my camera has film in it and it's ready to go. Grandma slipped me some cash - she's so funny when she does that. Then I will see so many of the people that I absolutely love. In one place. And it will be awesome.
On Saturday, I will set foot down in my beloved City, and will be able to actually touch my two favoritest friends in the universe. And HUG them. My goodness. Jodie, I want to hug you so badly. SO badly. And Mark... gah.
I don't want to go back to Columbus. Ever. Can't I call in sick from my life? :)
I ended up writing a little whiny email to Mark saying that I missed him. I am such a sap sometimes. But when I was getting into it with A. last night, I really could have used what he had to say on the issue.
A. was spitting out all the venom last night. I probably started it. But I hate that moral high ground crap. I am /not/ going to be 'properly conciliatory' about any of this. Nope. (Obscure reference. Don't worry.) It's amazing what that boy will come out with sometimes, so that he doesn't have to face his own issues. Last night, I took his pride and his spirit from him, he says. (I guess this is added to his strength and his manhood, which he said I took a few weeks ago.) Who am I that I supposedly have all of this power to take all of these things away from someone? And why would I do such a thing? I wonder if he knows how hurtful these words are. Took his spirit... please. If he lost his spirit, that is a shame (and I do believe he has), but to use me and our relationship as a scapegoat for it is preposterous. Ridiculous. Crazy. Feh.
A few weeks ago when he started with the, 'you never let me be the strong one' stuff, Mark told me that it was probably because I intimidate him, that I am too strong for him. I don't know, though. I wasn't feeling all that strong last night. My family is really leaning into me with the 'you need to give him a second chance, you heartless girl' type stuff, and it's started to wear me down. And I'm lonely. Goodness, but I'm lonely. I hate feeling like that, though. I'm a firm believer that I should 'plant my own garden instead of waiting for someone to give me flowers.' I am. And I do. Sometimes, though, you just want someone to say, 'I understand.' And mean it, of course.
In a couple hours I'll train up to Quincy to go to my little BBQ, and that will be much fun. I've packed up my stuff for the night and my camera has film in it and it's ready to go. Grandma slipped me some cash - she's so funny when she does that. Then I will see so many of the people that I absolutely love. In one place. And it will be awesome.
On Saturday, I will set foot down in my beloved City, and will be able to actually touch my two favoritest friends in the universe. And HUG them. My goodness. Jodie, I want to hug you so badly. SO badly. And Mark... gah.
I don't want to go back to Columbus. Ever. Can't I call in sick from my life? :)
