I... I can't live within you.

[judecorp]

You know, I really did like you. An awful lot. More than I probably would ever admit out loud, and more than I should have. But there it was.

When I invited you to come up for Thanksgiving, I realized that it was a Very Big Deal^TM, not only because it was, like, a big holiday, but because it would be a long visit. Long visits are inherently serious. Or at least they are to me.

I said a lot of things to you while you were here that, had I been guarding myself, I wouldn't have said. I did quite a few things while you were here that, had I been thinking more clearly, I may not have done. Because they were serious. I was scared after, sure, but I was much more happy than scared.

And then you went home. And I was still happy. And two days later you said to me, "If you want, we can call off the crush." And the next day, it was, "It will be better for you if I don't go to New Years. So I'll stay home so you can go have fun."

Two days later. Two days after six days of saying, and sharing, and doing. Two days after goodbyes with smiles. It was just like a great big spinning back kick to the gut.

I guess I still don't get it. But that's cool.

Comments

things that need to be said.

[kungfoogirl.livejournal.com]

I wanted to post something here, but it was too long. And now you have it in an email.