Cliched Introspective Lyrics Post - Spring Street

[judecorp]

I was thinking about the easy courage
Of my distant friends
They said I could let this bridge wash out
And never make amends

I've been listening to Dar's "Out There Live" in the car for the past couple of days, and I always get so excited when "Spring Street" comes on, because A. has my copy of "The Green World," so I don't hear the song very often. Like Dar, I've come across people in my life who feel that it is easier to cut ties with people than to work through icky parts. These same people seem to have friends on a temporary basis - one disagreement, one slip-up, and they're off the island. That boggles me. I mean, I'm really choosey with the people I let get really close to me and I'm not inclined to let them walk away so easily. In my younger, more idealistic days, I was fond of snootily saying, "Love cannot be created nor destroyed." I'm not sure I'm so pretentious as to believe such things today, but I do definitely still agree that once a love is cultivated, all the bridge-burning and grudge-holding in the world isn't going to bury it.

Can I blow this small town
Make a big sound
Like the star of a film noir postcard?
Can I just forget the frames I shared with you?

It's ironic that A. has my CD when this songs speaks of him to me. When we parted ways, my plan was to blow this town and head back to a bigger, crazier place I could get swallowed up in - bright lights, loud noises, and plentiful distractions. I don't know if I was trying to erase him and us from my memory, but I know I was too busy and too dazzled to think of him... and I liked it that way just fine. They said I could start over on Spring Street.

Yeah, let's watch the tour bus stop and tell us
Here's the scene of a spring green life dream
Take the best part
Write it in your caffeine diary

Yeah. Self-explanatory.

Yeah the one who leaves this also grieves this
Too much rain on a prairie flood plain
Houses floating, love is like that
We built on the river

Love is like that. It's so hard for me to get rid of, so hard for me to stop caring about someone I invested so much energy into. I'm a master of forgiveness, a by-product of an abusive childhood, I'd suppose. I'm quick to accept "I'm sorry," I'm quick to believe in the correction of mistakes, and I'm quick to look for the greener pastures (but with the same cows). I stay in touch with my high school boyfriends. I correspond with old friends, old coworkers, old classmates. And the ones I don't correspond with, the ones who have burned the bridges on their ends? Well, I think of them fondly, and often, and without regret.

And that's to say, yeah I'm leaving
But I don't have to go there
I don't have to go to Spring Street
'Cause it's spring everywhere...

And I left him, that's true. Or rather, we left each other. And I stayed in Columbus and he stayed in Columbus, his life rougly unchanged (same job, same friends). I moved into my neighborhood and he to his, and spring ran down the hill past my front door. Yeah, we left and there's no denying that, him to Alison and me to my Jennifer. I was offered a quaint little apartment on Spring Street on the East Coast in June of 2002, and I moved to Buttles instead. And I'm glad. Because it truly is spring everywhere, even in Columbus, even when Jennifer moved to my neighborhood, and when we moved in together a few streets away, and when Alison and Aaron moved into our neighborhood, and tonight when we go there for dinner, armed with dessert, wine, springtime, and gratitude for a heart that won't let me burn bridges and run away.

I don't love indiscriminately. So why should I stop when difficulties arise? And why should I stop when the journey changes?

Comments

[calledmara.livejournal.com]

Like Dar, I've come across people in my life who feel that it is easier to cut ties with people than to work through icky parts. These same people seem to have friends on a temporary basis - one disagreement, one slip-up, and they're off the island.

Obviously any situation I'd talk about is totally different from yours, but I think I'm just now coming to terms with the fact that sometimes you have to push people off the island for your own well-being. Granted, not after the first slip up, but sometimes eventually it needs to be done. And I suck at it. And maybe it says I'm not as careful with choosing friends as I should be.

PS: I have that cd somewhere if you want to burn it.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Oh, there are definitely people that should not be in your life - like people who intentionally hurt you or whatever, they should be right out. And sometimes you have to keep people away for an amount of time to heal from whatever's going on, and then maybe you're in a better place to deal with them again. I know I'm not in a hurry to chat up the boy that held me against my will in the back room of the Subway sandwich store where we worked... but in the grand scheme of my life, he's pretty insignificant.

[folkyboy.livejournal.com]

how funny you post this when i was just looking through pifflegrrrl's limited edition copy of The Green World. heh

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Oooh, limited edition. How fan-cy.

Re:

[hope-persists.livejournal.com]

would you expect any different from this dar-obsessed lady?

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Absolutely not. You're Dar-eriffic!

[kungfoogirl.livejournal.com]

Hey you.

I know it's been a few days since you posted this, but I wanted to say something anyways.

I read your comment in Ed's journal, and that got me thinking about you, and wondering how you are. I've not had lots of time to read LJ in the last week or so. So I decided to just come over here and read for myself.

The other day, I made an ill-advised post, even though I meant every word of it. Others don't have to beleive me in order for my words to still be true. While I was dealing with the fall out of that (less than 12 hours before I had my stupid surgery), I missed a chance to spend some time with T. And on Wednesday or Thursday when I was coherent again, she laid into me, with good reason.

One of the thing I kept repeating on the phone with her, and the thought that kept running through my head again and again was this:

"This person, my ex, was once the center of my little world. At one time, I loved this person with everything I had. So why is it that I am now expected to just leave them behind and cut them off? If they were once good enough to want to be with them, then why are they not good enough to be my friend. Why is it so hard for someone to beleive that I still want this person in my life?"

Of course, the model for post-crush friendship that I have is our friendship, Jude. Sure, we don't talk as much as I would like, and everything wasn't always roses, but still. This is proof that you don't have to throw out the GOOD parts of a friendship/relationship when the boundaries change. It gives me faith that my heart didn't lead me astray.

I guess I just had been thinking about you the last few days, and wanted to take a moment to say thank you.

I, too, am grateful that you have a heart that won't let you burn bridges. It's an admirable quality.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Christina, I think of you often, and fondly. I am so grateful that even with all of the crap and drama, we were able to stay friends. I really value your friendship and you as a person, and my life would be less rich without you in it. (As an aside, I hope you're recovering nicely from your surgery!)

Sometimes it's hard /not/ to cut people from our lives, though... at least for a time. I know that there was a time in my life when I absolutely could not cultivate a friendship with Aaron, even though I wanted to and knew it was the right thing for me. We just weren't at that place yet, you know? So if it seems to not be working with Kelli at this time, wait a while, let some distance come between you and let the healing happen. I know you're still hung up on her quite a bit, and I would hate for that hung-up-ness to be clinging too hard to friendship that isn't genuine, you know?

I believe that you wanted everything in that letter to be true, but I think it was a poor choice to post it publically because it looked like a call for compliments - and I think it was received that way by the intended recipient, which is sad. I know that you want to stay close to Kelli because she is such an important part of your life - your first real girlfriend, your first love in a long time - but give it some time and hang in there. You can do anything!

Heck, it took us a little time to be friends, and we didn't have nearly a fraction of the history that you and Kelli do. But it can happen. :) *hugs*