I can finally put this up now

[judecorp]

(It was too painful before.)

There are no words
for the way I feel.
I can offer some inadequte attempts:
sad
hopeless
frustrated
desperate
aching
devastated.
But the fact of the matter
is that I'm in my pajamas
instead of my armor.
And my sword and shield are
nowhere to be found.
And all of those people, out there, in here...
and I am a fucking social worker
and a knight
and a person
but there isn't anything I can do.
So take my shiny mail
and take my horse
because I'm utterly useless.

Comments

[scottopic.livejournal.com]

Not useless, as long as you have breath.

You're a social worker?
You've been doing more for this than many.
Ease pain in the world -- you're doing counter-terrorism.

Strength.

[yarnaddict.livejournal.com]

*HUGS*

You are no more useless than the rest of us, who can only sit by and hope, and pray, and watch, and be thankful that we are able to do so while we mourn those who are not and cheer for those who are able to do more. You /are/ helping, every time you comfort a friend, or think hopeful thoughts, every time you offer your words of wisdom and present your calming presence, even if it's over the Internet.

You are human, like the rest of us. At times like this, our humanity, and our love for each other, are what see us through. You have a strength, in yourself and in your friends, and you also have the right to not always wear that armour and carry that shield. Even the strongest of us feels pain.

I love you, Jude. *hugs* I cherish your friendship, and I am so, so gods-blessed grateful that you are alive.

[rizzo41.livejournal.com]

Useless? I don't think so. I can't begin to tell you how thankful I was to have you beside me on the couch Tuesday morning.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

*smile* Thank you. That actually makes me feel quite a bit better.

I'm just a "get my hands dirty" kind of girl, and all of this sitting and watching just frustrates me.

Grr.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Barb. A thousand thank yous.

I know that in situations like these our most powerful tools of reconstruction are love, friendship and hope. You are able to give me all three, which makes you very mighty.

I just can't help the fact that right now I feel that I should be digging in the rubble, or comforting those who have loved ones missing, or who have lost them. I should be offering hugs to fire fighters and police officers and volunteers. I should be standing on a wall somewhere shouting for peace.

Instead, I'm sitting here in a big green chair feeling frustrated. Phooey. And on top of that, I have a cold. Heh.

I wish you lived near me, dear. I want to hug you.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

You have no idea how glad I was that you were there. Not only to lean against and touch, but just that you were /there/. That you hadn't gone into Manhattan to work. That you weren't walking to the 59th Street Bridge. That you weren't inhaling bits of beautiful buildings.

Thank goodness for you.