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judecorpWhy are relationships such hard work? One would think that something that has the potential to feel so good, and that starts out so effortless would be simple. In reality, though, the opposite is true. It seems that the better a relationship is, or the more potential it has, the more work it requires. That's so counter to logic, or perhaps it is just counter to the messages we're bombarded with in the movies and on television.
I spent part of the evening watching "For Love or Money" and "Who Wants To Marry My Dad?". I admit that I am easily suckered into reality television, my curiosity into the human psyche overtaking any rational thought about the vapidness of such programs. I watch as woman after woman (or man after man) subjects herself to intrusive questions, harsh judgments, and public exploitation. I watch "relationships" blossom in a span of days or weeks, see how quickly the L-bomb is dropped, and just gape. How can this be? Is this real?
It's easy to believe the television story: person meets person, there is an instant connection, and they fall in love. Aah, but the program stops before any of the work happens, and doesn't that just feed the lie? We never see the difficult parts of love and life in movies or TV, and if we do, there's some lighthearted lesson involved, a triviality. It's been beaten into us so many times that even I look at my "flawed" relationship at times and wonder, "What happened? I thought this was so right!"
Sometimes I actually have to stop and remind myself that people disagree, people argue, and people fight. Sometimes people raise their voices or slam doors, and sometimes emotions are silent and strong. Sometimes arguments happen at the store, in the kitchen, during sex, out in public, or on vacation. Sometimes there is a long discussion following and sometimes things blow over, but no relationship is without argument or difficulty. If there is one, it's probably a sham.
While it's true that Rob and Amber, Preston and PJ, and other reality show couples may strike a match that will burn into the future, it's also true that the viewing public will never see the hard times, just as we'll never see the major players without wardrobe and makeup. Where is the /real/ reality program, the one that shows a couple married for, say, seven years with young children? Where there isn't much time for dates or bonding or even adult conversation because Partner and Partner are running to preschool and the dentist and play group and day care and the park, or are making dinner and cleaning the kitchen and changing a diaper and balancing the checkbook and making a grocery list? We could call it "The Real World," but that title has been taken by something that clearly isn't. How frustrating.
And me? Sometimes I fall into the traps created by the Great Media Relationship Lie, and I often ride out those times by reminding myself that in my head and heart I believe that forming a solid, lasting coupling is the Western path to enlightenment. And then I remind myself that I argued with, yelled at, and even loathed members of my immediate family at times and yet the love has always remained. And that, I think, is the REAL story.
I spent part of the evening watching "For Love or Money" and "Who Wants To Marry My Dad?". I admit that I am easily suckered into reality television, my curiosity into the human psyche overtaking any rational thought about the vapidness of such programs. I watch as woman after woman (or man after man) subjects herself to intrusive questions, harsh judgments, and public exploitation. I watch "relationships" blossom in a span of days or weeks, see how quickly the L-bomb is dropped, and just gape. How can this be? Is this real?
It's easy to believe the television story: person meets person, there is an instant connection, and they fall in love. Aah, but the program stops before any of the work happens, and doesn't that just feed the lie? We never see the difficult parts of love and life in movies or TV, and if we do, there's some lighthearted lesson involved, a triviality. It's been beaten into us so many times that even I look at my "flawed" relationship at times and wonder, "What happened? I thought this was so right!"
Sometimes I actually have to stop and remind myself that people disagree, people argue, and people fight. Sometimes people raise their voices or slam doors, and sometimes emotions are silent and strong. Sometimes arguments happen at the store, in the kitchen, during sex, out in public, or on vacation. Sometimes there is a long discussion following and sometimes things blow over, but no relationship is without argument or difficulty. If there is one, it's probably a sham.
While it's true that Rob and Amber, Preston and PJ, and other reality show couples may strike a match that will burn into the future, it's also true that the viewing public will never see the hard times, just as we'll never see the major players without wardrobe and makeup. Where is the /real/ reality program, the one that shows a couple married for, say, seven years with young children? Where there isn't much time for dates or bonding or even adult conversation because Partner and Partner are running to preschool and the dentist and play group and day care and the park, or are making dinner and cleaning the kitchen and changing a diaper and balancing the checkbook and making a grocery list? We could call it "The Real World," but that title has been taken by something that clearly isn't. How frustrating.
And me? Sometimes I fall into the traps created by the Great Media Relationship Lie, and I often ride out those times by reminding myself that in my head and heart I believe that forming a solid, lasting coupling is the Western path to enlightenment. And then I remind myself that I argued with, yelled at, and even loathed members of my immediate family at times and yet the love has always remained. And that, I think, is the REAL story.
