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Jul. 25th, 2004 10:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
judecorpI need to do something to get out of this funk I'm in.
I feel like I'm in limbo all over the place. I have a good job but it's not the job I want. I have friends but we don't get a lot of opportunity to see each other. I have a spouse that I love but she's been down, too.
It's one thing to have old friends call me old names, but something else when I'm introduced to new people with a name I don't like. Because then there are more people out there making me uncomfortable. Blecch.
I played a card game today about beans. Whenever I say the word 'beans' I think of the episodes of "The Brady Bunch" when they were in Hawai'i with Vincent Price. "Thank you for saving my beans." One of my friends had a cook-out. She bought a house near where I grew up. That's totally weird. Her boyfriend went to high school with the girl that lived next door to my mother when I was a kid. One of the people at the cook-out had dated her. Ha! I haven't seen her since I was about 12 and my mother moved to a new house.
I am trying to think positively whenever I can. Sometimes that's more difficult than others. There are a number of perks to my current job. Today I realized that there is no on-call at my job. No on-call! THANK EFFING GOODNESS.
People all around me have been dealing with really bad news: health problems, family deaths, arguments, work issues. There is a general malaise settling over the city and since I've been walking a fine line between stable and sad, it's pushing me over the edge. I have spent the entire weekend moping.
I miss the security and self-assuredness of Columbus. I also miss being financially stable and having the ability to meet my/our life goals. I realized today that although we set a goal to start a family by Thanksgiving 2005, there is no way in hell we can get anywhere close to that - not here, not now, not with current financial setbacks and the cost of living and the low salaries. Maybe in five years. And that's too long for me. I thought that moving would bring us closer together, but financial strains have guaranteed the opposite effect. And that is disconcerting.
Today I'm thinking that moving away may have been the wrong choice.
I feel like I'm in limbo all over the place. I have a good job but it's not the job I want. I have friends but we don't get a lot of opportunity to see each other. I have a spouse that I love but she's been down, too.
It's one thing to have old friends call me old names, but something else when I'm introduced to new people with a name I don't like. Because then there are more people out there making me uncomfortable. Blecch.
I played a card game today about beans. Whenever I say the word 'beans' I think of the episodes of "The Brady Bunch" when they were in Hawai'i with Vincent Price. "Thank you for saving my beans." One of my friends had a cook-out. She bought a house near where I grew up. That's totally weird. Her boyfriend went to high school with the girl that lived next door to my mother when I was a kid. One of the people at the cook-out had dated her. Ha! I haven't seen her since I was about 12 and my mother moved to a new house.
I am trying to think positively whenever I can. Sometimes that's more difficult than others. There are a number of perks to my current job. Today I realized that there is no on-call at my job. No on-call! THANK EFFING GOODNESS.
People all around me have been dealing with really bad news: health problems, family deaths, arguments, work issues. There is a general malaise settling over the city and since I've been walking a fine line between stable and sad, it's pushing me over the edge. I have spent the entire weekend moping.
I miss the security and self-assuredness of Columbus. I also miss being financially stable and having the ability to meet my/our life goals. I realized today that although we set a goal to start a family by Thanksgiving 2005, there is no way in hell we can get anywhere close to that - not here, not now, not with current financial setbacks and the cost of living and the low salaries. Maybe in five years. And that's too long for me. I thought that moving would bring us closer together, but financial strains have guaranteed the opposite effect. And that is disconcerting.
Today I'm thinking that moving away may have been the wrong choice.
